10.5 Weeks

 

It is now 10.5 weeks since falling and the new reality I am living.  It has been a time of transition, including anger, acceptance (still working on that one) and adjustments.  It has been a time of self examination and acceptance (still working on that one, too.)

In light of the surgeon's comments and explanations of my personal 'state' - and how much worse it might have been - I have been working more on acceptance and gratitude.  And finding out what I can realistically accomplish.

I am working on re-gaining my weaving, in terms of what I can do without setting myself 'back' in the process.  In that regard, I am making slow steps, hindered by the on-going damage to my lower back.  Truth to tell, the brain injury is not standing in my way of weaving - it is the SI joint and damaged discs that are actually holding me back in my progress.  So I balance myself between the desire to get back to 'normal', knowing that my new 'normal' is going to be different than it was.

But I am slowly adding a couple of minutes of weaving to my sessions, noting what seems to work and what doesn't.

I have fine tuned the draft for the next warp.  I thought it was going to take to the end of this month to get the current warp off, in part because I had So Many appointments the past couple of weeks.  However, I'm done with the long list of them, and on the whole, the news is mostly 'good'.

Since I have been increasing the duration of my weaving sessions, the beam is filling at a nice steady rate, and yesterday I cut off the 2nd third, tied on and began the final third.  And it's only the 9th of November.  I will finish this warp long before the end of the month.

Such small 'victories' are balm to my battered soul.  And so I worked on polishing the next draft, and thinking through the coming months - what I might accomplish, and what was clearly beyond my ability to do - at this time.  But also?  Being willing to adjust and change my plans depending on how things continue to go.

I still have difficulty speaking, although people who don't know me well, tell me that they can't really tell.  But at this point in time I am considering the public, in person (via Zoom) part of my 'career' over.  Instead, with support of a friend, I am pitching ideas to a magazine, who appear to want to include my thoughts.  However, I am continuing with this effort fully aware that I'm working very hard to write, and ultimately they may decide I am not up to their standards.  OTOH, I told my spouse last night, they are aspects of weaving that I want to look at more closely, so I will investigate the topics for my own sake and not be terribly disappointed if they don't pass muster with the magazine.

Ultimately, I am now about to set off on the path I foresaw when I 'retired' in 2020 - to look at weaving with an eye to learn more about it.  I had no idea what I would do with that knowledge, but here, now, comes a new magazine that wants that kind of deep dive.  Now, I just have to do a good job in first investigating, then writing up my conclusions.

Time will tell.