What The Future Holds

 

books available at blurb

My website is being rebuilt, in part because I want to remove the Zoom/remote presentations.  While I always enjoy doing these presentations - or did - I am not comfortable trying to speak for two, or even one, hour.

The face plant and subsequent brain bleed (that pooled in the speech centre of my brain) has left me groping for words.  Now, most people tell me that they would not know there was anything 'wrong' with me, but all of those people didn't know me before the injury.  More importantly, *I* know I am not at my best and I don't want to attempt to present an info dense seminar not knowing if I can make it through doing it.

The surgeon was very happy with my progress, but could not guarantee that I will recover my speech to where it was previous to the fall, so I made the (difficult) decision to stop doing 'in person' presentations.

However, I did write 3 books (4 if you count the 'bio', available in my ko-fi shop as a pdf only), in which I presented much of the information that is in the on line seminars.  And, there is this blog, not to mention people can email me to ask questions.  Writing is getting easier, although the grammar is still a bit off as my brain is rather like Swiss cheese - lots of holes in it.  But because it's written, I can write out an answer and then proof read it and hopefully catch any sink holes before I hit 'send'.

There are also my video classes at School of Sweet Georgia and Long Thread Media.  I did 'workshops' for each on wet finishing.  

For people in the US - the books are printed in the US so the price won't change for you as they won't be subject to the new tariffs that your new president is promising.

My towels, however, will likely be included in the 'tariffs' and my prices listed in Canadian dollars will go up if that is the case.  

PS - the Magic in the Water; wet finishing handwovens is not the version with the samples.  Rather I took close up photos of all the samples to include.  The format is 'magazine'.  The Intentional Weaver is hardback and Stories from the Matrix is soft cover.

Towel Posted

 

100% cotton towel

Finally found the spoons to get the latest towels posted to my ko-fi shop.  These are part of the group that I used the 6/2 cotton on, and I toyed with keeping them.  Truth to tell, pretty much all of my smaller towels are handwoven, now - I had to ask myself if I truly needed more.  

But the past couple of weeks were also fraught with all sorts of medical appointments, plus I finally gathered up enough energy to deal with getting my hair cut - something that was woefully long beyond needing to be done.

I rarely post photos of myself.  I have what is called 'bitchy resting face'.  My 'neutral' expression is one that appears to be 'stern' or 'bitchy'.  The older I've gotten, the more this has increased - wrinkles, lines in my face, etc., have gotten more prominent.  

But I was waiting in the truck for Doug to finish picking up a few things from Costco (I had zero energy left after a very busy day with *lots* of talking - something I still find difficult) and decided to post a photo of myself to Facebook with my freshly shorn hair.

Most of the people who commented on my post were kind, and encouraging.  If they are regular readers of this blog, they are well aware of what I have been going through and they left lovely comments.

Two (so far) urged me to smile.  I nearly wept.  By that point I was just barely able to hold my head up, every energy spoon used up just doing a few errands that I could have managed without thinking about, just months ago.

There is a saying going round that chronically ill people are not faking their condition, they are faking being 'well'.

Right now?  There is a whole lot of 'fake it until you make it' going on in my life.

The brain bleed on top of the back issues (plus the other medical conditions) I was dealing with before I fell had been 'manageable'.   Just.

The face plant and brain bleed I had on August 28 nearly killed me.  At the very least it might have left me in rehab for months, with no clue how much of a recovery I might make.  

Instead, the surgeon pointed out that I did not go to rehab, but I was sent home.  The fact that I was already weaving, able to begin writing again (with copious help from a dear friend) was almost a minor miracle.

But almost every medical professional I've talked to after Aug. 28 have told me that a brain injury like this (17mm when they saw the CT scan in Vancouver) usually leaves people severely disabled.  The recovery such a severe injury to the brain takes up every bit of energy as the brain tries to heal itself.

When did society begin insisting that people smile for a photo?  If you look at early photos, no one is smiling.  When did that switch?  I don't know, truly.  

My mother was a great one for always putting a happy face on, no matter what was going on in her life.  I'm not inclined to do that, which makes me a bit of a wet blanket, I suppose.  

Anyway, I am here, still weaving (as best I can), hoping to write more so I can keep teaching.

In the meantime, the world is going through a very tough time.  If you live in the US and have been thinking of buying some of my towels, you should be aware that your new president has promised to enact legislation that will make *every* thing coming into the country, be charged a 'tariff'.  Right now you get a currency exchange 'discount' of about 30%, which makes my prices a lot lower than they appear on the ko-fi site.  

I suggest that if you were thinking of buying some of my towels anytime soon, now would be a good time.

 

10.5 Weeks

 

It is now 10.5 weeks since falling and the new reality I am living.  It has been a time of transition, including anger, acceptance (still working on that one) and adjustments.  It has been a time of self examination and acceptance (still working on that one, too.)

In light of the surgeon's comments and explanations of my personal 'state' - and how much worse it might have been - I have been working more on acceptance and gratitude.  And finding out what I can realistically accomplish.

I am working on re-gaining my weaving, in terms of what I can do without setting myself 'back' in the process.  In that regard, I am making slow steps, hindered by the on-going damage to my lower back.  Truth to tell, the brain injury is not standing in my way of weaving - it is the SI joint and damaged discs that are actually holding me back in my progress.  So I balance myself between the desire to get back to 'normal', knowing that my new 'normal' is going to be different than it was.

But I am slowly adding a couple of minutes of weaving to my sessions, noting what seems to work and what doesn't.

I have fine tuned the draft for the next warp.  I thought it was going to take to the end of this month to get the current warp off, in part because I had So Many appointments the past couple of weeks.  However, I'm done with the long list of them, and on the whole, the news is mostly 'good'.

Since I have been increasing the duration of my weaving sessions, the beam is filling at a nice steady rate, and yesterday I cut off the 2nd third, tied on and began the final third.  And it's only the 9th of November.  I will finish this warp long before the end of the month.

Such small 'victories' are balm to my battered soul.  And so I worked on polishing the next draft, and thinking through the coming months - what I might accomplish, and what was clearly beyond my ability to do - at this time.  But also?  Being willing to adjust and change my plans depending on how things continue to go.

I still have difficulty speaking, although people who don't know me well, tell me that they can't really tell.  But at this point in time I am considering the public, in person (via Zoom) part of my 'career' over.  Instead, with support of a friend, I am pitching ideas to a magazine, who appear to want to include my thoughts.  However, I am continuing with this effort fully aware that I'm working very hard to write, and ultimately they may decide I am not up to their standards.  OTOH, I told my spouse last night, they are aspects of weaving that I want to look at more closely, so I will investigate the topics for my own sake and not be terribly disappointed if they don't pass muster with the magazine.

Ultimately, I am now about to set off on the path I foresaw when I 'retired' in 2020 - to look at weaving with an eye to learn more about it.  I had no idea what I would do with that knowledge, but here, now, comes a new magazine that wants that kind of deep dive.  Now, I just have to do a good job in first investigating, then writing up my conclusions.

Time will tell.

Leaders

 

Life, as we know it, is going to change.  

How?  We don't know - yet.   But we have been 'warned' what is about to become a priority in our lives, and what is not.  We will have to navigate our way through to some kind of coping and managing of the stress of the new world view that is coming our way.

Early in my career I started to assess the various bits of advice I was getting from different people.  The first thing I had to do was weigh the value of their suggestions in view of my personal goals.

The more I learned, the more I had to sift, and the more I tried to put my own personal bits of advice into context.

I learned to stand back and let people be, not insist that they do things 'my way'.  To give them suggestions to try.  To encourage them to find their own best processes.

As we enter a new world view with politicians everywhere sliding ever more to the 'right', someone observed that it was 'scary to have him lead me'.

But here's the thing.  A politician can only 'lead' an individual as far as the individual is willing to go.

I have plenty of practice taking advice from others, deciding if what they are advising is true to my personal set of values.  And then following that set of guidelines or my own moral compass.

So I will continue to light candles for people.  I will do my utmost to approach people with kindness.  To accept people who are different from me.  Since I was raised a Christian, I will ask What Would Jesus Do and then do that, even though I'm no longer a church going person.   (Yes, I still have a bible.)

We are all going to have to figure out how we go forward.  If you need light, I will light a candle for you.

Roller Coaster Ride Continues

 

Life's roller ride continues...

There are so many people who are struggling with their particular roller coaster ride of life.  I am slowly pulling myself out of the funk I got into after the brain surgery.  I'll be clear, here, I'm still struggling with the fall out of the fall down.

My life, already truncated by avoiding the plague (don't @ me telling me covid is gone away - it isn't - and what reporting anyone can find about it tends to minimize it, and refers to 'after covid' - drives me crazy.)

Last week I went shopping because my house sweater was falling apart, and we donned our masks before we left the vehicle, in part because we are only just over a nasty cough I caught in the hospital (thank goodness it was 'only' a cold, not covid!), we walked over to the store.

As we reached the door, a man coming out did a second take and grinning at the two of us said 'So, you're afraid of the fresh air?'

Doug and I both said 'yes' and ignored him.  

This week I have the six month check up at the cancer clinic.  I have to be honest here - after the year I've had I am seriously worried that they are going to tell me it's come back.  :(

Yesterday I turned down a zoom presentation with a presentation date of autumn 2025, spring 2026.  After the surgeon told me last week that I may never, entirely, recover my speech, I turned it down.  The little bit I was making doing seminars wasn't enough to cover my studio expenses, but it helped.  Now even that has been cancelled.

However, I have a supportive friend who offered to alpha read for me, so I have been in touch with a magazine and suggested some content for them.  That, at least, is something on my own time, and with my friend alpha reading feedback, I feel I can keep writing.

To all those people are struggling with the current conditions (including the politics), I send light and love.  If you see someone struggling, give them a hand, if you can, or even just a virtual hug.  And remember, lighting someone else's candle does not diminish yours...

Opinions

 

Most 'hobbies' seem to come with rules/opinions formed by the people who practice the hobby in question.  All of them have 'opinions', and sometimes those opinions are at the complete opposite to each other.  The problem is when those 'opinions' turn into concrete 'rules'.

Every craft has this phenomenon, and generally they are held fast by the people who follow them.  Every textile craft I have practiced (and I have done quite a few) has those hard and fast 'rules' that some people follow religiously and others ignore.

It is why most times when I answer a question I begin by saying 'it depends'.

I answer questions with the life experience I have using my 'standard' techniques.  Frequently I will answer a question without specifying what *I* mean in the context of *my* work.  And the questioner will respond with *their* context, and then I will have to say to them that in their circumstance they need to do what gets them their best results.

Even wet finishing - I will sometimes clarifying that there are circumstances when no, you don't have to wet finish, but if you are ever going to get your cloth wet, you should find out what happens to it when you do that.

I will explain that no, you don't have to apply a hard press, but you should try it to find out what happens if you do.  IOW, sample.

The sample above (from Magic in the Water) has not been hard pressed, but I have applied the press to a sample to find out what happens.  Instead of the rounded 'furrows' you get irregular pleats.  

So I try to remember that not everyone is doing what I do, their 'reality' may be different from mine, and to give as thorough an explanation as I can, depending on the medium I'm using to communicate.  And yet, I still see people sharply disagreeing with me about certain techniques or tools I say I use.

But here's the thing.  I don't care what someone does.  They asked a question, I answered what it is that *I* do.  They then have to choose what is best for *them* - whether they weave with a particular yarn, or warp their loom front to back/back to front, hold their shuttle underhand or overhand.  When someone asks me for my answer, I give it.  I don't come over to your studio and force you to follow what I do!

Because I have preferences that someone else may not.  Looms are different, yarns are different, people are different - we all have to figure out what works and does not in order to create the cloth we want to produce.

magic-in-the-water

Nostalgia

 

This somewhat out of focus photo is of my craft fair booth from one of the shows I used to do every year.

I confess I am somewhat nostalgic right now because the big craft fair here is happening this weekend.  And I miss seeing the people that would come by to look at what I had made and - potentially - buy something.

But this year, more than ever, I am grateful that I didn't have to load up everything, drag it to the hall, then stand all day making 'nice'.  It would have been impossible with the brain bleed and how little energy I have.

So, I am grateful my things will be there, but as part of the fibre arts guild booth.  Truth be told, I still have lots, but I cannot take over the guild booth - they must display the work of ALL the guild members, not just one or two.

The guild members have been making things all year and they will have a nice full display - this I know without actually going down there.  The local guild members are enthusiastic and talented.  I'm happy they will take my things, too.

But I need to keep selling things.  So, once the show is over, I guess I will have to go through my stuff and start posting things to my ko-fi shop.  My rate of production is way lower, compared to even my 'retirement' weaving rate before the bleed.  But my body is recovering and I'm able to pick up the pace a bit.  

Not to mention I still have ideas I want to explore, and yarn that needs weaving up.  But as I look around my store room, there are actual spaces on the shelves, and I've put some things that were on the floor up on the shelves.  I have wider and fewer 'goat trails' through the studio.  Still too much stuff, but when I remember what my studio looked like in November 2019, I have done a good job of weaving down the yarn.

One of the hardest things to do selling online is to get good colour representation.  Especially during the winter and the string of grey dreary days we get now, as climate change ramps up.  But maybe next week after the appointments with the cancer clinic (please, please, please, let the cancer continue to be in remission!) and the eye doctor, I'll be feeling well enough to start dealing with trying to upload more items to my ko-fi shop.

My daily list is very short these days because I have so little energy.  Everyone tells me all my energy is going into recovery, and after talking to the surgeon, I am now realizing how lucky I am and how I need to let my body take all the energy it needs so that I will recover (more).  The surgeon said the biggest rate of recovery will happen in the 12 months after the injury, and then it will slow for about another 12 months.  After that, what I have and where I am, is what I will live with.  And that level may be less than where I was when I fell.  In the meantime, I need to work at recovery as my priority.

So I rest, even when I'd rather be doing *something*, because I need my body to heal as much as it can.  And now I have been officially been told it will be about 24 months, I need to learn to be patient (ha!) and let my body do what it needs to do.  Because this injury isn't the only thing I need to factor into my life, it's just the sauce on top of what I was already dealing with.

I'm hoping to write more - in part because I have a good support person who will help me - and it seems I still have things I want to say.  And writing is the best way for me to say them.

With that, I'm going to start my day and go weave for 20 minutes.  I'm up to two 20 minute sessions a day (unless I have too many appointments), hoping to hit 45 minutes a session by the end of the year.  I'm going slowly, trying not to rush or push.  And hoping 2025 will be a better year than the past few have been.

 

Threshold

 

One of my 4 books 

I 'self' published this book and two of my others and posted them to blurb online for people to purchase either as a pdf or as a print version.  (The 4th is available in my ko-fi shop available as pdf only.)

For the first time since publishing The Intentional Weaver, I did not make enough sales to get a payout from blurb for the past month.  (There is a certain level under which they hold on until you have sold more.)

I'm not complaining.  It just took me aback because I budget that minimum payment (more if I'm paying attention) to help cover the expenses to help pay for the things I do for free for the weaving community.

Like pay for things like my website, purchase the security certificate which somehow got dropped (but is now purchased). and the other things that go towards studio expenses (like the insurance policy, due this month.)

If you like my book(s), you can do me a huge favour and let your weaving friends know that you think it/they is/are useful.

Since I spent the past 8 weeks largely trying to find the energy to do something, anything, I did not do the pr or marketing that I usually do.  And, well, not reaching the payout threshold means I have no income from book sales for October.  

I posted a couple tea towel designs in my ko-fi shop recently, so if you are interested, do take a look?

In the meantime, I am s-l-o-w-l-y getting back to the loom.  I was told on Wednesday that most people who experience the significant level brain bleed that I did, do not get discharged to go home but rather to rehab.  For months.  I now understand why so many medical professionals have been patting me on the shoulder and telling me how lucky I have been.  Since I was thinking how *un*lucky I had been to have a brain bleed, I didn't take their comment very well.

After talking to the surgeon I understand how lucky I have been in a whole other way.  I will go on to weave, even possibly to write, with the assistance of a friend willing to go through my writing and help me with the grammar.

I still have problems with communication - at times whole words keep dropping out of my brain.  But writing is 'easier' because I can re-read and correct multiple times before I hit 'publish'.  And I think, with the help of my friend, I will get to the point that I will be able to write for publication again.

As for the zoom seminars, I rather suspect I will not.

So - if you want to learn from me, the best way is to buy some (or all) of my books.  Next best way is to read this blog (for free), or join School of Sweet Georgia or The Handweaving Academy.  The SOS has launched a 'free' blog and today one of the ones I wrote for them last spring was published.

If you want to join SOS this link provides a small discount off the price of joining.  

If I can find the link to the SOS blog post that was posted on Facebook this morning, I'll post that link in the comments.