Groundhog Day

It's beginning to feel like deja vu all over again as I dress the loom with the 3rd - and hopefully last - of the rep weave warps.

I'm in the groove now with this textile - the muscle memory pretty much kicks in and I don't have to think very much or even very hard to weave it.  There are times when I totally zone out and mess up but it becomes apparent right away and it is easy to weave backwards and get on track again.  I wish it weren't so physically hard on my body as I remember the reasons I enjoyed making all those rugs back in my 20's - before the damage one's body sustains in an active life.  :}

I am also experiencing - how shall I call it - ego strain - the closer I come to actually completing the Big Project.  All the fears of rejection and worries about not doing it 'perfectly' and wondering if people will like it and actually plunk down their hard earned cash to buy it are crowding to the forefront of my brain.  Like the clouds  looming on the horizon this month, it's hard to face up to the fact that not everyone will love it and want it enough to buy it.

But staying in that mind set is crazy making, especially considering how deeply I am already into this project! I've done far too much work and invested way too much time and money to not complete it now.

I don't think I'm alone in experiencing this effect.  I rather suspect that most creative people find themselves hitting an emotional wall right before their work goes public.  It's something that is real - and in many ways unreal - because, after all, it's all happening in my head as my ego struggles with putting itself in the line of fire.

While I will do my utmost to make this a valuable publication, geared towards newer weavers, I also know that not everyone will find it helpful or interesting.  And I can't control their opinions.  In fact I can't control anybody's opinion - negative or positive.  I can only do my very best and I suppose like a parent bird, let their offspring launch and hope that they fly, not fall.