It is now 10.5 weeks since falling and the new reality I am living. It has been a time of transition, including anger, acceptance (still working on that one) and adjustments. It has been a time of self examination and acceptance (still working on that one, too.)
In light of the surgeon's comments and explanations of my personal 'state' - and how much worse it might have been - I have been working more on acceptance and gratitude. And finding out what I can realistically accomplish.
I am working on re-gaining my weaving, in terms of what I can do without setting myself 'back' in the process. In that regard, I am making slow steps, hindered by the on-going damage to my lower back. Truth to tell, the brain injury is not standing in my way of weaving - it is the SI joint and damaged discs that are actually holding me back in my progress. So I balance myself between the desire to get back to 'normal', knowing that my new 'normal' is going to be different than it was.
But I am slowly adding a couple of minutes of weaving to my sessions, noting what seems to work and what doesn't.
I have fine tuned the draft for the next warp. I thought it was going to take to the end of this month to get the current warp off, in part because I had So Many appointments the past couple of weeks. However, I'm done with the long list of them, and on the whole, the news is mostly 'good'.
Since I have been increasing the duration of my weaving sessions, the beam is filling at a nice steady rate, and yesterday I cut off the 2nd third, tied on and began the final third. And it's only the 9th of November. I will finish this warp long before the end of the month.
Such small 'victories' are balm to my battered soul. And so I worked on polishing the next draft, and thinking through the coming months - what I might accomplish, and what was clearly beyond my ability to do - at this time. But also? Being willing to adjust and change my plans depending on how things continue to go.
I still have difficulty speaking, although people who don't know me well, tell me that they can't really tell. But at this point in time I am considering the public, in person (via Zoom) part of my 'career' over. Instead, with support of a friend, I am pitching ideas to a magazine, who appear to want to include my thoughts. However, I am continuing with this effort fully aware that I'm working very hard to write, and ultimately they may decide I am not up to their standards. OTOH, I told my spouse last night, they are aspects of weaving that I want to look at more closely, so I will investigate the topics for my own sake and not be terribly disappointed if they don't pass muster with the magazine.
Ultimately, I am now about to set off on the path I foresaw when I 'retired' in 2020 - to look at weaving with an eye to learn more about it. I had no idea what I would do with that knowledge, but here, now, comes a new magazine that wants that kind of deep dive. Now, I just have to do a good job in first investigating, then writing up my conclusions.
Time will tell.
2 comments:
I found your blog a few months ago, and have been very much enjoying your perspective as I read through the archives. I have learned so much, even though I am still a new weaver, and appreciate your focus on the whys behind various ways of doing. I hope your healing continues at a steady pace and I look forward to continuing to read your thoughts for as long as you post them.
Enjoy the small steps, Laura. And continue to heal and adapt. You will get there.
Post a Comment