As Others See Us

We rarely see ourselves in profile - or at least it used to be rare.  Now we can take 'selfies' and see ourselves as others do.

My hair cut was booked for the day *after* the provincial government mandated that businesses shut down.  My hairdresser has a home based business and at the time of the closure announcement, she had not one but two vulnerable people in her home.  So she immediately messaged me to say, sorry but no can do.

So I went into the pandemic 'stay safe at home' due for a cut.  Now, 6 weeks or so later, I am shaggy. 

I have never considered myself 'attractive' in the way North American society defines it.  I never much cared about my appearance other than wanting to be 'tidy'.  I have never had the money it would take to treat myself to spa days.  My hands are not attractive and my body is, well, let's just say 'generous'.  (OTOH, medical folk tell me I have 'resources', so there is that.)

Someone posted a photo of herself wearing a mask, giving thanks for the wrinkles around her eyes, saying that even when she (rarely) goes out of the house, people will be able to see her 'crows feet' wrinkles and know that she is smiling.

So I share this profile of myself to share that I, too, have wrinkles around my eyes and that I will be able to smile at people and have them know that I am smiling.

But I also see evidence of aging.  The old age spots, the jowls, the treble 'chins'. 

I am well aware that I weigh more than I would like.  I do look in the mirror after all.  There is a reason I wear pants with elastic waists and baggy shirts.

I see the genetics written clearly on me - grandfather Guillet's 'wild' eyebrows, the jowls.  (I don't know what my father's parents looked like as they both died before I was born.)

For now I am in no hurry to get my long overdue hair cut.  There is no where I need to be until a couple of appointments later in the month - and anyone I see at those won't care what I look like.  As long as I am clean and as tidy as I can make myself. 

As we move through this time of pandemic, it is becoming clearer that many things are going to have to change.  I think that many who are immune compromised are going to find ways to make masks a fashion accessory.  I've already seen one photo of a mask with a Chanel logo on it.  Others have created cleverly designed masks with animal faces, or pretty fabrics.  As more people wear masks, there has been innovation - the ear savers, for instance. 

We know so little about this virus, not even if a vaccine will be effective or available any time soon.  People are going to have to either take precautions, or they will get sick.  And the thought that some people will not take precautions, willing to get sick is a very sad thing in my opinion.

Stay safe.  Stay well. 

Change

Louet Megado

For decades (1982-2019) I wove primarily on an AVL Production loom and then a Leclerc Fanny.  On both looms I would (usually) beat on a closing shed.

However, change one thing and everything can change.

The Megado is a different loom from the AVL.  It has it's own...quirks...and I very quickly discovered that I could not weave at the same pace I had been able to weave on the AVL.  I had to slow down, significantly.  Like from around 44-48 picks per minute on the AVL to around 20-24 picks per minute on the Megado - shuttle throwing pace.  Actual productivity is lower still on the Megado because it does not have auto cloth advance and I also have to stop and advance the fell, retighten the tension on the warp.

Additionally, I have discovered over the years that different qualities of cloth mean that the rate of weaving speed, when I beat, and how frequently I need to advance the warp (on the Leclerc) changes.

It depends.

One of the challenges of weaving is that as you change the type and quality of cloth, as you use different yarns, what you need to do to actually weave must also change.  You cannot weave a very fine, somewhat fragile yarn the same way you weave a rep weave rug.

All these variables can be overwhelming to new practitioners of the craft.  Mostly they want definitive answers to questions where there aren't any.

For example, when I weave my standard place mats:

I can whip along at a fast pace because the weft needs to be firmly beaten in.  I change the shed while I am moving the beater forward to the fell which means the shed is closing as I beat.

However when I'm weaving something like this:

which is a very open cloth made of textured silk, the weft must be very carefully and gently pushed into place, not a firm beat.  My weaving pace must slow down to accommodate this very gentle placement, done on an open shed.  The shed is changed while the beater is at the fell line, then the beater is moved back to the heddles, the shuttle thrown, and the beater gently moves that pick into place.  Etc.

So like almost everything there is about weaving...it depends.

Gobsmacked

It is a very rare occasion when I am left without words.

So it was today when I opened an unexpected parcel from a friend. 

Pardon this less than wonderful photo - it was the best I could for the moment.  Right now I am thinking where it will be hung - probably in the studio if I can find just the right place for it.

The weave structure is overshot.  My friend was very canny and kept this a complete secret, only mentioning that she was working on some overshot.  A not unusual thing for her to be doing.  But let me copy the info from the back:

"In celebration of the Laura Fry Weaving Studio 1977-2019

Hand woven by Sheila Carey January 2020

The warp and tabby weft are 100/60 polyester core cotton (sewing thread) and the pattern weft is 60/2 silk.

The Overshot designs are based on three different 'name draft' tables.   The upper left used the words "Laura Fry Weaving Studio", the centre is "Nineteen seventy-seven to twenty nineteen" and the lower right is "AVL Number one eighty-one"

The cardboard below is from the original back of the antique photo frame belonging to the Carey family."

I can't even imagine the amount of work that went into this and I was literally without words.

I humbly say thank you to my friend of too many years to mention.  I will get a better photo once it has been hung on the wall.

Some Sunny Day

This time of isolation wears on a lot of people.  The uncertainty.  The chaos.  The not knowing what will happen once the recommendation for isolation is over and business can resume.

The fact is, there is no cure or vaccine for the Covid-19 virus.  Yet.

The best thing is to try to stay out of the cross hairs.  But that is not something everyone can do for one reason or another.

Perhaps they have been deemed 'essential'.  Perhaps their landlord is still demanding the rent money, so they have to go to work.  Perhaps they have dependents they are caring for so they must venture out to buy needed supplies.

And no one knows what society will look like, how it will function once things do resume.

We are somewhat better off here in Canada with a leader who - for all his faults - is trying to keep folk from going bankrupt or homeless.  No, he's not 100% successful in what he's doing, but the provincial premiers are not always doing much to help, either.  Things like healthcare are in the provincial domain, not the federal.

People who are marginalized, homeless, dealing with addiction issues, single parents trying to care for and home school their children are under a heavy load.  People with elderly parents who are in long term care and locked down are unable to visit or ensure that their fragile parents are actually being cared for properly.  It is a fact that there has been a very high toll amongst that population.

I have the privilege of removing myself from society right now.  Doug does all the out-of-the-house errands and I have only been leaving the house to walk in the neighbourhood, keeping physical distance from anyone else I might see on my route.  I have twice met with others with social distance measures.  But otherwise I am content to stay home and out of the range of the virus as much as I can.  I am well aware of that privilege and that not everyone has it.

Some people blithely say that we all need to get the virus so we can develop herd immunity.  The downside to that recommendation is the death toll that will happen to get us there.  So the scientists and researchers are scrambling on several fronts - trying to find a treatment for the virus, not just the symptoms, which are varied and wide ranging, and a vaccine that will protect everyone without the death toll of getting to herd immunity the 'natural' way.

In the meantime it is spring here (finally!)   The trees are beginning to leaf out, the plum trees have blossoms, flowers are beginning to grow, not just warily poke their heads above ground.  And we finally have some lovely sunny days.

We need to get through this time.  We will best do that by remembering we are all in the same storm of this pandemic and those of us who can, need to withdraw from unnecessary social interactions.  If we need to go out, one way to help protect ourselves is to wear a mask and remember to clean it, our hands and everything we have touched while out in society as soon as we get home.

Feeling lonely?  Facetime someone.  Pick up the phone and talk to family or friends.  Participate in a guild Zoom meeting.  Be kind.  To everyone.  If you possibly can.  

Plans, Best Laid

So, I had a plan.  It was a good plan.  I was pleased with myself for coming up with said plan.

Until I got to the loom.

Plan A was sort of what I wanted, but it wasn't weaving up in a way that made me happy.  I couldn't seem to work out the technical issue, so I stopped about 12 inches into the towel, backed out of the weaving function of Fiberworks, edited the tie up and started again.  About six inches into that towel, I gave up, went to the desktop, which I find much easier to design in Fiberworks than the laptop, and scrubbed both tie up and treadling to start over again.  The threading was 'set in stone' at this point, but I could still play with the other two variables.

Plan C was quite different from Plan A but I thought it might just work.  Back down to the loom with thumb drive in hand, and try (try, try) again.

The tie up is uneven or unbalanced, insofar as there are fewer threads lifted than left down.  This gives a different look to each side of the cloth - more warp emphasis on one side, more weft on the other.

Right now I'm thinking the warp emphasis side will be the 'right' side.  It looks stronger, more dramatic than the mostly weft side.

But I learned a long time ago to not set my plans in stone.  And to be satisfied with something that doesn't quite match the image in my head because sometimes I can't get what I want.  But I can get close.

This warp is going to be 'challenging' because of all the broken ends that will have to be dealt with as the warp gets used up.  I remember counting 13 breaks but there might be a few more.  I have already run into two of them.  One has been resolved, the other has a repair end hanging off the back beam.  The original end has come loose from the beam and once I'm finished the next towel, I will tie the original to the repair end, pull the original through and pin to the cloth at the cut line.

(edited to comment that my shuttle is not 'dirty' - I just weave so much that the wood shows the wear of being used)

Mothering

mother:  Having or showing the good (esp. tender or kind) qualities of a mother (Oxford Concise Dictionary)

Today is Mother's Day in the US and Canada.  It has always been a day of mixed emotions for me.  I chose to not have children and suffered the constant pressure from my mother to provide her with grand children.  I understood that she wanted them, but I could not provide.

Mother/daughter relationships can be wonderful.  I know plenty of people who have great relationships with their parents.  But they can also be complicated.  Bittersweet.  Sometimes, toxic.

Our society has come to idealize the mother figure and when you don't have that ideal, it can rub, like salt in a wound.

I no longer have live parents, or even my one sibling.  On a day like today it feels raw.  It feels...lonely.

I am the last twig on this part of the family tree.  It all stops with me.

Days like today I question why I am still here.  What purpose do I have that yet needs to be fulfilled?  Is there even any 'purpose' to live?  Or is it just that life struggles to stay?

In the midst of a pandemic, I am actually relieved that my parents are not here, that I don't need to worry about them going through it.  My dad would have been fine staying home, letting my mom do all the errands, take care of everything - that was pretty much the way he lived, anyway. 

My mom, the quintessential helper would have been running around taking care of everyone else.

I see the messages on Facebook, all the celebrations of mothers and think that really the ideal of 'mothering' isn't confined to the genetic connection.  Human beings don't even have to be female to 'mother' - that is, have the tender or kind qualities we ascribe to a mother.

There are men who nurture, too.  People who take care of other people's children.  Aunts, cousins, sisters - either genetic or chosen.

Instead of idealizing 'mothers', I would love to see society respect their mothers every day and extend the concept of nurturing to everyone, regardless of gender or genetic relationship.

Especially the teachers, who are just another form of nurturing and being kind.  The good ones, anyway.

So to all my chosen sisters, I love you.  To all my students, I love you, too.  To my mother I say thank you for this life.  I will do my best to model your caring of others and nurture and support all my 'family' of friends and students, for as long as I am able.

Slowly, Carefully

I am going to miss my annual trip through the mountains this year.  Mount Robson is, well, majestic and rarely seen without a toque. 

The Rocky Mountains are always lovely, regardless of weather.  That doesn't mean I enjoy driving through them in bad weather, just that they never disappoint.

Yesterday for the first time since March 23 I had an in-person (physically distant) meeting with the cancer support group I belong to.

We are all immune compromised to some degree - some more than others.  The group leader is probably the most compromised, so we met in one of the local parks, brought lawn chairs and formed a circle with about six feet between each of us.  It was strictly social, a time for people who have been isolated, some by themselves, to have some face time contact.

Our provincial health officer is well experienced in the public health field, worked in Ontario during the SARS epidemic, and has been a calm guiding light during this time.  She and the government minister do daily updates.  Dr. Henry has quietly but effectively made the case for caution and while she has begun to loosen restrictions has been very clear that physical distancing will be in effect for months to come.

Yesterday word came down that Convergence will be cancelled.  My trip to TN will also be cancelled because frankly, I have no idea when non-essential travel to the US will be permitted.

People have been checking in on me and I reassure them that I'm mostly fine.  As an introvert with a deep stash, I have lots to occupy my time.  Plus books, although my focus is such that I'm not actually reading very much right now.  Not nearly as much as I expected, given how much I love reading.

We are very fortunate in these times that we have the internet.  We may be physically safe at home, but we can reach out to others at any time we wish by sending an email, leaving a message on Facebook, or other internet access.

Yes, my pandemic 'do' is shaggy but like I said to a friend the other day, there is no one I need to impress right now, and frankly, one's hair do is part of the superficial restraints we put on each other.

I have a very short hair cut because I used to production weave, about 5 hours or so a day of sweating.  That meant that at the end of the day I had to shower, and I did not want to go to bed with wet hair.  It was easier to just get it cut short and keep it that way.  I've grown accustomed to a wash and wear hair style and I doubt people would recognize me if I had long hair (again). 

So I'm  not going to contact my hairdresser to get me in anytime soon.  When she is ready I'm sure she will contact her clients (she's home based and may not want a parade of folk coming into her home studio). 

Yes, I've gained weight.  But like so many medical people have told me, being some ways 'overweight' doesn't mean I'm 'fat' but that I have 'resources'.  I will worry about my weight some other time.

In the meantime, I am walking fairly regularly and already I'm seeing improvement in my strength.  I've done the steep hill several times and managed better than anticipated.  The warmer weather means more people are out and about, so I may start wearing a mask, even just to filter out the pollen in the air. 

Today is our anniversary.  We will 'celebrate' another time, more to our choosing.  Because neither of us is particularly anxious to go to a restaurant.

Society is about to change - if it will.  We will remember Before and After the Covid like our grandparents remembered Before and After the 1918 influenza.

If you possibly can, stay at home.  Wear a mask if you need to go out where there are other people.  Take care to wash your hands, mask, keys, phone when you get home.  Survive.