Knowing when to Quit

 

binders of words

It is said that an author doesn't 'finish' writing a book, they just stop writing a book.

This was Stories near the stopping place.  The binders are not filled, but I had been filing the essays according to a rough categorization of each essay's content.  It made sense to me at the time and since the essays were not linked, as such, it seemed like a good way to keep an eye on what I was saying and if I was repeating stuff.

For the current project, the 'stories' are linked, sort of.  There is some overlap because some of the lessons I learned along the way didn't 'stick' the first time round and needed to be repeated at intervals.

So all there is right now is 'just' one binder.  I think I may have said everything that I need to say, other than a summation of what those lessons were.  A kind of check list of what my life has looked like and the lessons learned along the way.  If someone wants the Coles Notes version or a reminder, such a summary might come in handy.  Sometimes it's good to do such a summary for myself.  I may think of other lessons not yet covered and then I can go back and add those into the binder.

The current project is deeply personal and may have little to no bearing on someone else, especially a younger person just beginning their journey.  On the other hand, what I've discovered is that when people like me truly open their hearts and share their stories, the first thing they realize is that what we are doing is a very human endeavour.  The journey any human makes from cradle to grave is simply this - keep learning.

Many creative folk also seem to share another lesson to learn - how to get over the clamouring inner voices that sing a constant chorus of negative feedback that gets dripped into our sub-consciousness.  Part of this project talks about how I came to deal with mine.

And no, they are not gone, but now that I have practiced living with them for 70+ years, I have a better handle on coping with them.

Perhaps it's just because I'm 'old' now and I'm less inclined to try to please every other person on the planet.  For some people, pleasing others becomes the priority, over protecting ourselves from harm, be that criticism or other harm.  And by that, I am talking about protecting ourselves from injury which could be caused by poor decisions or poor ergonomics.

One of the big lessons I had to learn was that it is far easier to protect myself from harm than recover from it.  In the end, even though I always wore hearing protection when I wove (the fly shuttle was very noisy, then the computer assisted dobby added another layer of harm to my hearing) I now wear hearing aids when I need to do so.  I can only imagine how much sooner I would have needed them if I hadn't been so diligent about wearing hearing protection for my career.  And yes, I do still wear hearing protection.  I'd like to keep what hearing I have left.

I've sent a few of the essays out to alpha readers and will wait to see what they say.  In the meantime the project will simmer on the back burner.

There is a stack of paperwork on my desk that rather desperately needs to be dealt with.  And then the re-design of the drafts for the workshop in October.  Hopefully that won't take long, it's mostly making the warps wider and that's a matter of arithmetic.  Thankfully I have a calculator to help crunch the numbers.

With all that hanging over me, it is time to set the current project aside while I 'take care of business' as well as some personal stuff.  I'm still trying to market Stories.  Copies are being received - time will tell if they like the book.  Or not.

I have to remember that if people don't 'like' the book, that is not a criticism of me or my life and people are allowed to like what they like, and dislike what they don't.  

A lesson I am still learning.  Because those critical inner voices are not gone.  It's a process and one I need to keep working on.

Ultimately that is all anyone can do.  Keep trying.  Keep working at getting better.  It's the human thing to do.  But sometimes?  A project doesn't need to be completed.  Know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, the song goes.  

Will I fold?  Or hold?  We'll see.  I need to let this one stew for a while longer and get some more feedback.  Then I will decide.