Tuesday, October 2, 2018

In Spite of Everything

I use this blog as a diary.  A place to work through my thoughts - which can oftentimes be quite scattered and need to be corralled.  A way to sort through the emotions of a situation to discover what I actually think about something.

This summer has been...challenging.  In addition to the general stress of living and trying to keep my business running, there is the on-going struggle with adverse drug effects.  Then nearly four weeks of smoke pall.  I'm allergic to smoke and was aware that I was struggling with that, but not how much until I left for a couple of weeks and my body was able to breathe again without also inhaling what is, for me, a fairly significant allergen.

The drug I'm on has a list of adverse effect and I am having a lot of them, the most annoying one the sinus drainage, the second most annoying one (the two flip-flop on the list daily, sometimes hourly) is the feeling of being too tired to do much of anything.

I told a friend last night that once again I am in the position of trading speed for longevity.  Because the drug is working to keep the cancer under control.

Over the past few evenings I have been reading some of my posts from 2013 and into 2014.  When the hope and optimism was high.  I was in remission from the cancer, didn't need any drugs beyond the small amount of blood pressure medication I was on.

Until the wheels fell off late 2013 and in June of 2014 I was informed I was on the list to become a member of the 'zipper' club.

It was a bit of an emotional roller coaster as I re-lived those months.  And those emotions.   The high of being in remission.  The low of facing major surgery.

Well, I made it through all that and once again thought it would be smooth sailing.

And here I am.  Still.  So many aren't.  Because during that time period several people I know lost their battles with cancer.  But here I am.  Benefiting from modern day science/research, taking what my oncologist called a 'miracle' drug.  A drug that targets just the diseased cells and leaves the healthy ones alone.  I only have to deal with a list of annoying adverse effects.  A trade off I am (sort of) willing to deal with.  Because what is my choice?  To stop taking the drug and let the cancer have it's way with my body.  And I'm not ready to let that happen, yet.

So in spite of everything - the stress, the big projects (when will I learn?), the tired, the constant sinus drainage (and all the other adverse effects which are merely annoying), I managed to keep weaving.

Yes, I had to work hard to make myself go to the loom.  Yes, I was less productive than I would have liked to be.  But I did it.  And I have a respectable amount of textiles woven, some of them ready to be tagged/priced and put into inventory.

The above photo isn't all that I've done this summer and into September.  There are shawls as well, and tea towels, and table runners.

I will be going into the craft fair season with a reasonable amount of inventory.  The conference is coming together.  The Book is being worked on.

And I keep going.  In spite of everything...


Meg said...

And yet, here you are, relentlessly encouraging us to weave, to stay productive, and to read, no matter what hinders us, (and for a lot of us, not really much.) We enjoy reading your thoughts, Laura. Long may it continue.

Laura Fry said...

Thanks Meg. We all have our own challenges to deal with. I'm too stubborn to give up. :) Plus I've got way too much stash!!!

Louisa said...

Hah! We all have too much stash! I’ve kind of given up on worrying about whether or not I’ll be able to use it up. Maybe I’ll finally give some of it away. Eventually. Also not entirely stopped adding to it either.

Your tenacity is amazing, Laura! Most of us would have selfishly retired by now. Oh right. That would be me. 8-)

Laura Fry said...

The universe seems determined to make me slow down. This morning I tripped and fell, banging up my knee pretty badly. Guess I'll be working on conference planning, not weaving this afternoon...

Brenda said...

Your thoughts remind me of Dorothy Powell of Pouce Coupe, about 25 years ago. Dorothy was a production weaver of enormous talent and output. She had leukemia, and I'd stopped by to visit when she'd been out of the hospital after yet another setback. She said to me, "I thought about just giving in and letting go, but then I thought 'Whatever with Godfrey [her husband] do with all that yarn?' and so I came home." Dorothy did indeed use up all that inventory of yarn before leaving this life for her next adventure. As Louisa has said, tenacity.

Laura Fry said...

I remember Dorothy, too. And that story. Still inspires me.

Anonymous said...

ich wünsche dir Kraft und weiterhin viel Zuversicht!! mache das was dir wichtig ist. Ich schicke dir von meiner Wärme und Ausdauer..
I wish yout the best of the world. Wiebke Truelsen

Laura Fry said...