Patience, Grasshopper

 

The stack of books on my hearth hasn't changed one iota.  Well the box is gone, but otherwise, the books are still sitting quite patiently on the hearth waiting for me to find the time/energy to read them.

Thing is, I personally am not patient.  Over the years I have been a weaver I have had so many people comment that I must be really patient.

Patient?  No.  Persistent?  Yes, I'll cop to that.  Stubborn?  Oh, most definitely.  (ha - that came out as defiantly - and I'll cop to that, too.)

The thing is, weaving has engaged me - once I let it into my life - continually because it challenges me.  It challenges me to think.  Then think harder.   Then weave samples to see if I thought things through adequately.  This intellectual stimulation has kept me getting out of bed and going to the loom, even when I felt ill.  In part because I was reliant on income from some source and I had chosen weaving to be that source.  It has encouraged me to get up out of my chair to go to the loom because I wanted to feel better and the way I wove for most of my life was aerobically which meant my body would generate endorphins and those endorphins would reduce my pain levels.

Definite carrot/stick buzz happening.  The reward for doing something was that I felt better for it, not just emotionally but actually physically.  Even when that activity was, in its way, contributing to the pain in the first place.  

It became a kind of revolving door.  But with other benefits.

At the end of the day I could look at the cloth beam and see how many yards of cloth now existed because I had gone to the loom.

When I travelled to teach I had to have my game face on every day.  In spite of allergens, in spite of travel 'adventures' (the time I ended up at a completely different airport because of airline issues, no suitcases, no samples, nothing but my carry on and the clothes I had travelled in.)

In spite of my detailed instructions about food, people would bring me 'treats' which I could not eat or I would be too sick to teach.  In spite of explaining something six different ways and then repeating the same information yet again, trying to find another different way to say it.  I was not patient but took it as a challenge to try and break through and bring understanding.  

Not being a patient person, I worked at becoming efficient so that I could weave ergonomically and produce textiles quickly.  People have observed that they aren't interested in my methods because they don't want to 'hurry' - not understanding that you cannot 'hurry' in weaving because that's when mistakes are made.  And that is the complete opposite of being efficient.  And that sometimes the fastest way to the results you want is to actually go more slowly.

Weaving has provided intellectual stimulation, pushed me to learn more, encouraged me to continue to hone my skills.  It has kicked my ass on way more than one occasion, but also brought a community into my life that has provided encouragement and actual support.

So no, I'm not a patient person.  But I also know how to wait, how to accept that sometimes things need to settle, other people need to do what they need to do.  Working with others has let me let go of some things, like my expectations or desire to see something done right now and let what needs to happen, happen.  

You don't produce a book like I did with multiple actual samples, self-publish, promote, ship and expect it to happen overnight.  I still wish it hadn't taken as long as it did to sell all the copies, but never mind, I did it.  But because I am not a patient person, I kept working on the marketing, trying to figure out ways to get them sold, not ever stopping and giving up until they were all gone.

Feedback tells me that all that effort - and expense (because believe me it was expensive to produce) - was worth it.  Some people refer to Magic in the Water as a 'classic' in the field.  If that is so, and it is still valued in 20 years, I will feel that I have made a contribution to the field by doing it.

But I was never, not once, patient while I was working on it.  Just determined.  Persistent.

So why do I have my stack of books-to-be-read for this post?  It is said that books of that nature are very patient.  So I use that photo to show my well of patience.  That's it.  That's all I have.  Just books, waiting patiently for me to read them.  One of these days.  I had thought the pandemic would provide the time to do so, but instead I found myself distracted and brain fogged and I read exactly zero of those books.  Instead I actually added a couple more to the pile.  Because books!  One never wants to run out of books to read.

On Wednesday we got our vaccines.  Neither of us had much in the way of adverse effects - just that perhaps we felt more lethargic than usual and I was dealing with allergens that made me feel 'off' all day.  I'm glad I had it Wednesday because I have back-to-back Zooms over the weekend.  I'm feeling much better today, so my plan is to get to the loom and weave a couple of towels, then work on the Power Point on using colour in weaving.  And walk.  I am so out of shape that I'm still only doing the short circuit around the neighbourhood.  But I know I will get stronger.  Doesn't mean I'm not chaffing, though, because I'm not a patient person!  However, I have been through this before, several times (broken ankle, by-pass surgery, chemo) and what I need to do is just - do it.  Nike had it right all along.