Thursday, October 10, 2019


Stubborn:  unreasonably obstinate; unyielding; obdurate; inflexible; refractory; intractable.  (The Concise Oxford Dictionary)

So many negative connotations to the word 'stubborn'.

My mother called me pig-headed, saying she didn't know where I got my stubbornness from.  I so much wanted to tell her to look in the mirror!

She stubbornly worked tirelessly to take care of her family, make sure they had health care, food, clothing and shelter.  She went back to school in her 40s to get an early childhood education degree.  No small feat for someone who had English as a second language and grade 8 schooling.

I am, in large part, who I am because of my mother.  She modeled how to survive in a frequently unfriendly world. 

If one believes in such things, my astrological symbol is Cancer (the crab).  As a water sign, I long ago learned that water can overcome most obstacles.  If I couldn't go around them, there was always below, or in extreme circumstances, over them.  Water wears away even the most...stubborn...rock.

Drop after drop, I kept at it.  Until I achieved some rather large goals - GCW master certificate, bringing in enough money as a weaver to survive, or at least enhance our lives.  (Always with the support of Doug who for 9 years was studio assistant and sales force and VP in charge of assembly.)

Eventually (nearly) 1000 copies of Magic in the Water with actual before and after samples were created.

Co-chairing not one but several weaving conferences.  Teaching.  Writing.  Most of all...weaving.

Just like the drop, drop, drop of falling water wearing away the stone, pick by pick, thread by thread, weaving.

More recently, another book.  This one was different and I needed extra help to get it finished.  If anyone needs a good technical editor who also does textile arts, I can recommend Ruth Temple as a gentle and sensitive editor.

But I find that I am no longer driven like I used to be.  I commented to a friend yesterday that I have no more adrenaline.  That well ran dry some months ago.  But I stubbornly clung to my goals, my dreams.  I wanted very much to continue working/weaving for at least another couple of years.  But events conspired against me and finally I had to admit that I was done.  As in 'stick a fork in me' done.

Tuesday I went to the doctor and asked for anti-biotics for my sinus infection.  Today I'm feeling better and my brain is functioning again.  And I made the decision that becoming friends with the Megado is going to have to wait until the craft fair season is over.  It will be something to look forward to once the deadlines are all in the past and the pressure to produce inventory is history.

I may be stubborn, but I'm flexible.  Sometimes it just takes me a while to remember that I need to bend, before I 'break'.

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