Wednesday, April 18, 2012

A Healthy Ego

bag full of potential

My yarn order arrived today - it's primarily the yarns for sample #7 for AGY:Cotton in it.  Still haven't actually designed the sample, just decided on the colours and actual yarn so right now it's still potential.

But I started thinking about how I got to where I am today.  What on earth possessed me to think that people would even want to buy my designs/products in the first place?  What leap of faith caused me to quit my rather well paying (but incredibly stressful) job and plunge into the deep end of the pool, so to speak, and become a weaver.  Not just a weaver, but one with aspirations.  Dreams of creating textiles that would add beauty to people's lives, that they would be willing to pay a premium for, that other weavers would be interested in my viewpoint, hire me to travel to them to teach, or buy my writings?

Obviously I had to have a pretty good ego!

But too much ego can get in the way, too.  If you think too much of yourself you don't allow yourself to hear what other people are telling you.  Sometimes you need feedback, the negative as well as the positive, in order to refine your dreams to make them be more successful out there in the cold cruel world.

In addition to having a certain sense of self-worth, believing that I did, in fact, have something of value to contribute in terms of my designing, writing and teaching, I had one other factor that gave me the courage to try - a knowing that I simply had to have some form of creativity in my life or I would wither and die spiritually.

This journey has taught me many things.  It has affirmed that there are a certain number of people who do value my contribution, who are willing to pay me to be a creative person in this time, in this place. 

It has also taught me to keep my ego healthy - strong enough to know when I need to stay the course in spite of negative feedback, humble enough to recognize that at times I need to change what I'm doing and let some of my dreams go.  In the end, I've had a lifetime of creativity, and for that I am truly grateful.


Melissa said...

I had a conversation yesterday about how it is Making that helps me weather the stress in my life. I know it is both the creative expression but also the tangibility of working with my hands that satisfies a vital part of my human, lively needs.
And I feel very fortunate to understand that and to have the flexibility that allows me time to Make and Teach!

Laura said...

Exactly so. :)