Motivation

 

All of my life I have been pretty highly motivated.  When I set my mind to do something, I will, hell and/or high water not usually an impediment of much note.

I thought I would continue to the end of my days in the same fashion.  I mean, I loved my work (not all of it, of course not, but the weaving? yes, indeed) and I saw no reason to stop weaving.  When I did 'retire' (for certain values of) I anticipated continuing to teach in person, and to weave, but now I would make things more for my own interest, and less consideration of what would, or would not, sell.

But life had other plans, as they say.  My stout body (in every sense of the word) has suffered a string of injury and illness.  

Frankly, that outbreak of shingles a couple of years ago nearly did me in.  And after I 'recovered' from that, everything *else* seemed to get a lot 'worse'.  More pain, less mobility, more frustration, less energy.

I am *finally* starting to feel 'better' but at a cost.  Medications always, *always* come with adverse effects, and I *always* seem to get whatever the paperwork says are a possibility.

So, my new medication doesn't cause the brain fog the hydromorphone caused, but it does come with fatigue and nausea.  And so I take Gravol, which *also* causes fatigue.

I manage to get to the loom twice, most days, but sometimes I need to do other stuff, and by the end of the day I'm flat as a pancake.

A month ago the pain doctor recommended I try 'red light laser therapy' as a way of treating what ails me.  (mild impingement of the S1 disc and moderate to severe of the L4 disc, plus suspected damage to the SI joint, all of which leads to chronic sciatic pain, PLUS peripheral neuropathy in both feet).

By then I had switched from the hydromorphone to low dose naltrexone, which appeared to be helping but wasn't entirely dealing with the pain, and the doctor had read that people with diabetes and PN were finding relief from the pain by using red light laser therapy.

I found someone who was using that on patients, and began treatment, partially skeptical, partially desperate for relief.

Reader, it seems to be working.  

The problem is, I've been sleep deprived for years because when the pain was bad, as it was increasingly becoming, I could not tune the pain out.  For far too many nights I have sat up, doing jigsaw puzzles, and more recently fwipping bobbins to make lace, but nonetheless, NOT sleeping.  

And my motivation appears to have dried up as dry as the rivers that no longer flow, but merely trickle through my town.

I have tried SO many things, and wound up crushed by disappointment that nothing was working I barely allow myself to hope that things will improve to the 'before times' reality.  I have not quite lost hope that things will improve such that I will be able to weave with less discomfort, but am now resigned to not being able to teach in person.  Unless I do it locally and students accept my limitations. TBD.

Since weaving helps with things like aerobic health (critical for someone with cardiac issues) and generates endorphins (which helps reduce pain), my priority is always to get to the loom.  My main goal is stash reduction, and on that front, I have made progress.  But so much more to be done.

Over the past two years I wrote two more books, but right now?  I'm having a really hard time to write anything but these blog posts (and sometimes sarcastic posts on social media - sorry/not sorry).

I have 3 articles I've promised to School of Sweet Georgia, and I'm hoping I have the mental wherewithal and energy to begin dealing with those - soon.

In the meantime, I've decided to 'test' eBay auctions by auctioning off the lace books I don't want or need.  This weekend I will log into there and begin listing those books.  That will get me up to speed on the functioning of the site because it's been about 10 years since I've done an eBay auction and, well, things change.

The list of bobbin lace books is below.  If you are interested in any of them, I will post the link to the auction as soon as I'm done listing them, here and elsewhere (my social media, such as it is).

And if you are interested in *weaving* books, I'll be starting the guild eBay auction asap after April 15.  Stay tuned...

My books available at the usual places.

Bobbin Lace Books

Chart for lace Identification and the Meshes of Handmade Lace by Lolita Eveleth  $10

Lace for Dolls and Dolls’ Houses Ann Collier $20

Special Effects in Bobbin Lace Sandi Woods $45

The Book of Bobbin Lace Stitches Bridget Cook and Geraldine Stott $30

Complete Book of English Bobbin Lace Pamela Nottingham  $40

A Manual of Hand-Made Bobbin Lace Work Margaret Maidment  $20

Lace in the Making Margaret Brooke  $10

(I may dig through my 'library' of lace books and add a few more.  We'll see how much energy I have.)