Thursday, August 30, 2012

Counting Blessings

rayon chenille sample warp for A Good Yarn: Rayon ready to weave....

Yesterday I threw myself a gigantic pity party and wallowed in the emotional mire for a while.  Why?  Life isn't fair and sometimes I forget that it isn't and rail against the 'unfairness' that we all must deal with when it rears it's ugly head in our lives.

After a day of moping about the house I finally picked myself up (venting at a good friend helped!) and got myself into the studio to do something productive.

Even so, before I managed to get a grip and shake myself out of the doldrums I did something incredibly stupid and then had to deal with the consequences.  Needless to say, dropping the entire assemblage of reed and lease sticks through the beater onto the floor was counter productive in the extreme, but I was able to straighten the warp out and get it onto the beam with the help of a brush.  Now a brush is not recommended as a great tool for rayon chenille but used carefully it helped deal with the resulting mess.

And doing something so incredibly clumsy focused me away from the unfairness of life and back to where it should always be - on the task at hand!

Today is my 4th blogiversary.  When I started this blog it was with the thought that my major health issues were safely behind me, that I could now proceed through my 'golden' years without too much fuss and ado.  After all, I was fixed, right?

Unfortunately such has not proved to be the case.  The reality is that, although I am well past my expiry date, life continues to be a series of challenges.  I have to remind myself that I am not 'special' in this.  That pretty much everyone I know has their own set of 'special' circumstances and I had better put my big girl panties on and just get on with it.

This morning Doug and I talked about the timing of his 'retirement' and I told him that with the way things were going I figured I would be lucky to have another 10, maybe 12 productive years left so whatever it is I feel driven to accomplish, I'd better do it now.  Therefore the trip over the pond next spring - a trip that I can ill afford, frankly - and if I don't get any teaching gigs while over there, well, so be it.  So far I've no firm plans (one tentative booking in Scotland) but hopefully I can spend about 3 weeks in Sweden and the UK and see some of the things I'd like to, meet some of the people in person that I've corresponded with.

(I know that last sentence isn't grammatical but making it so always seems so contrived - 'with whom I've corresponded' - see I do know how to write good!)  :^)

Anyhoo - one of the services Blogger provides is to keep track of things like page views, followers and such.

Therefore I know that this is my 982nd post - in four years.  I know that I have 232 official 'followers'.  I know how many page views each post receives.  It is a bit humbling.  I had no idea who might be interested in my pithy comments when I started this blog or if anyone even would be.  Interested, that is..  It has been heartwarming and the support and encouragement received  incredibly helpful as I have stumbled through life's hazards the past four years.

Part of the challenge yesterday was the fact that after the angioplasty, the broken ankle, the chemo - I really and truly thought that finally life had been 'unfair' enough and that I could now, finally, sail through my 'golden' years without further worrisome health issues.  Apparently not so much.  Right now I am not dealing with anything immediately life threatening, so I'm not sure why the nagging minor issues seemed so burdomsome..  But I sank into the gloom, feeling incredibly put upon, quite unfairly.

Life isn't fair.  Get over it.  Big girl panties.  Need big box of them.


Dianne said...

Thanks for this post. I too am partaking in some self pity but will count my blessings. The sun's shining and I can work on my frozen shoulder. Maybe we can share the box of big girl panties and halve the burden.

Chair Weaver said...

Thank you, also. Not that I am without 'peaks and valleys' I strive on a daily basis to be mindful that all we really have is this moment. I wake up smiling at another day not matter the weather, political happenings, social unrest, aches and pains and stiffness and ... The coffee is fresh brewed, and off to the shop or studio or here to learn about other folk's days.

terri said...

You are a blessing to so many people. Hang in there--sending virtual hugs your way!

spinne said...

I like following your blog and would like to say just thank you! Best wishes from Austria!

Anonymous said...

I read this blog just about every day, but am not an official "follower," and I'm sure there are many more like me. That means there are hundreds of people interested in what you have to say about life and weaving, Laura.

I'm repeatedly impressed by your drive and sense of purpose. You set your sights on an objective, figure out what it will take to get there, and do it. You deal with the problems that arise and just keep going. That's an incredible testament to you as a person; sometimes I wonder if you have any idea how uncommon it is, and how inspiring it is for an eternal planner like me to see you accomplish your goals, one clear step at a time.

I don't know what caused the setback, and I'm hoping it's a minor kerfuffle that just hit you wrong. I think it's easy in hindsight to see that sometimes reverses, big and small, have great benefits, but at the time, they stink.

Hope you are feeling better by the time you read this, and thank you for giving us the gift of your insights and weaving mastery.

Linda said...

Hi Laura,

I've been following you blog for he past 2 or 3 years. A friend from my weaving group recommended it, and I rarely miss a post. Seeing how you think about weaving, and the depth and breadth of the experience you bring to it, has taught me to think about weaving differently. Thanks for sharing! I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Peg Cherre said...

I too, am a regular reader although not a 'follower' - with my semi-slow internet connection, I find it easier to just click where I want than to do the 'follow' thing.

No one has yet mentioned something else that inspires - all the reading you do! Are you a speed reader? If not, how can you possibly find time to read so many books and still weave so much and do everything else, too?

Anonymous said...

Laura, I have followed your blog officially and unofficially for several years -- my day would not be started correctly without your blog. You are an inspiration to me and many others. We learn so many things not only about weaving but about life from you. For all you do I send a profound thank you and a large box of big girl panties -- pretty sure I can spare a few pairs to share with a friend.

Laila said...

I think that a moping day every now and then is good for your soul. It helps you see the good things in life in a brighter light and take better care of them.
If your trip over the pond gets from "hoping" to reality I then hope that you get to give a class in Sweden-and that I can go... Health issues stinks...

Louisa said...

Happy Blogiversary, Laura! Hope things will resolve themselves and that you will feel more upbeat. Hang in there, hon'!

Tarja Siik said...

I have a message to you in my blog !