Double Edged Sword

warp 21 (I think) beginning

further along

near the end

next scarf

When I began this blog almost 5 years ago, it was by way of being a celebration of returning health and weaving.

Little did I realize it would be a celebration of weaving in spite of continuing health issues....

It is never easy to run smack into the destruction of the myth of good health and immortality.  The first time I truly came to the realization that we are mortal was the death of my father when I was 25.  My reaction to his dying and eventual death was to completely turn my life around and commit to becoming a professional/production weaver.

While I grieved for the loss of my father, the loss of innocence, if you will, and came to grips with the fact that if we don't live life while we have it, I studied the construction of cloth and how to enter the marketplace with what is, to all intents and purposes, a luxury item.

Over the years I 'forgot' about the reality of aging and the loss of health.  I lived a healthy lifestyle.  Ate healthy foods (within my allergies), got exercise (yes, weaving the way I do it is aerobic), stayed active within my community and assumed I would continue to live this way for at least 30 more years.

Until the next reality check - my brother's death, my subsequent discovery of more health issues lurking than I'd suspected.

Once again the myth of health exploded, not once but several times in succession, along with a dollop of other things like a broken ankle, adverse drug reactions, etc., etc.

So while reality has intruded, it has also given me the gift of seeing what is really important in my life.  It has given me the incentive to say 'no' where appropriate, and 'yes' when it is.  It has made clear my priorities.  I am able to stand back from the general melee and choose where I invest my dwindling time and energy.  Instead of carrying on doing what I'd always been doing, I am able to step back and decide that no, I'm not actually going to continue to do that.

In many ways not knowing when our 'end date' is going to occur is a blessing.  We can continue to ignore the fact that we are mortal for much of the time.  We plan on doing things one or two or even three years in the future, confident that we will actually be around and in shape to do them.

But deep down, while I plan to be around for a good long time yet, I also know that there are no guarantees, that none of us gets out of here alive, that eventually the clock will wind down.  Living life is a lot like weaving these painted warps.  The future is hidden, what is coming isn't known (although it can be predicted somewhat), things change as it goes along, but always, it is beautiful.

The CT scan was clear - the niggling worm of doubt, the reality of, well, reality, can be stashed in the back of my mind for another 3 months....but please forgive me if I get a little crabby every three months when reality is pushed into my face again....