Snow Subtle

 

You might want to biggify this - the effect is subtle and not really seen.  One might wonder why I bothered, knowing that the effect of the original loom state (See Jan. 14 post) cloth and the now wet finished state would be...I mean, why?

Well, I wanted to find out, that's why.  (And they WILL dry dishes, so....)

I'm nearing the end of the single 6 yarn with high twist energy, and having messed around weaving twills and watching them distort into a texture that could be guessed at but not entirely known, I wanted to know - what happens when I do this?  Interesting?  Or meh?

I still have to hem the towels, and truth be told, I'm  not sure I'll bother giving them a 'finishing' press when they are, because - in large part - the whole point of making the cloth was to develop a 3D effect.

I did have one more weave structure I thought about, but I've done that one before, so I actually know how it wet finishes.  And frankly, I'm done fiddling with the high twist energy.  For now.

It's annoying to try to wind the bobbins, although steeping them in the humidor for several days (longer is better) helps with weaving with it.  But when I inspected these with an eye to fixing any 'pigtails' I looked at the rest of the texture and thought...donwanna.  

So I've set my determination to 12, and I'll finish the rest of this warp, and then the rest of the single 6 will go away - for now.  I'm tired.  Not just of weaving with a petulant weft, I'm physically tired of struggling to deal with chronic pain.  And I want something else to 'fondle' for a while.  And the silk spools are just sitting there, patiently.  I'd kind of like to start working on something other than my fine cotton stashes seeing how close I am to being out of so many colours, which limits my choices.

I have enough 2/20 merc. cotton that I can do a couple more towel warps, and try to use up more of my miscellaneous stash of linen, but again, not now.  Maybe come summer when the relative humidity is a bit higher.

In the meantime, I need to follow the 'new' regime to manage my pain.  The doctor seemed impressed I had put a number of pieces on the game board over the holiday.  None of them quick fixes, but I keep trying.  We'll review the infusion today in four weeks, see if it is doing very much.  I may need to continue with therapy for a while, figure out the entangled mess of my trauma/anxiety, and how that is fueling the chronic pain.  For anyone who wants to know more, I'm reading the book with Gabor Mate' called When the Body Says No.  I'm beginning to learn way more than I ever expected about how the body systems are so delicately balanced, and when they start going out of whack, how our health can be affected.  The book is about 20 years old so there are probably newer resources, but this one is geared to the layperson, especially if they or someone they care about is dealing with trauma/anxiety.  75 years ago no one recognized birth trauma - for the mother OR the infant.  So I'm doing this at 75.  Better late than never?

Today I keep 'easy' and will continue that for at least two more days.  Maybe more.  I'm told the infusion doesn't always kick in right away, and my body was already 'fighting' it (hence the therapy - in hopes of breaking down the barriers my body had put up).  I have other things I can take to help, but it's a good idea to take a few days to let my body start to figure things out.  

I am trying, for once in my life, to be kind and gentle with my body.  I hope you are doing the same to yours.

Inching Along

 

I have managed to get to the loom and pick away at the current warp.  Today I will finish weaving towel #6 on the warp, cut off, re-tie and begin the 2nd third.  It feels painfully slow, but...on I go.

Because it doesn't seem to matter if I weave or not, the pain I live with daily goes on (and on and on...)

Right now I am doing the difficult work of changing - from within.  If I can.

It is never easy to pause and reflect on oneself.  Things that have been repressed for a lifetime don't want to easily change.  We set up barriers, protection, and it feels dangerous to take those away.

But I have learned that it is even more painful to NOT do the work and attempt to change what needs to be changed, as difficult as it feels in the moment.

It isn't like I've never done that before.  I sought help in my 30s and did the work to heal as best I could.  I got to the point where the immediate issue was addressed, but a half a lifetime later, I realized that I stopped too soon, and just set up different barriers.  Different coping mechanisms.

And my body absorbed it all, protected itself the best it could, and now it is tired.  Worn out.  And *I* am exhausted.  

Of course current events don't help.

The only thing I can do is try to heal myself.  Whatever that means.  I will keep trying, keep working on myself.  

I don't yet know if the treatment for the peripheral neuropathy is 'working'.  All I can say is that the pain appears to be changing.  For the better - or worse - I don't yet know.  But it is a hopeful sign.  

Doug got the rest of the studio re-organization done - at least enough that the table for the table loom is now available, and for my light duties after the infusion on Wednesday, I can weave on that loom.  I'm looking forward to doing that, and then getting the article written.  Hopefully they will be pleased enough with what I do.  

I'm tempted to toss the 6 towels into the washer and dryer, even though they will make a very small load, because I'm interested to see how they transform in the wet finishing.  Also something I could do as 'light duties'.  I may succumb to the curiosity...

I also have a couple of visits from local folk to look forward to.  So I am trying really hard to stay focused on the future, keep encouraging new(er) weavers, and continue the work on myself.  These are things I can control.  I cannot fix the world, but maybe I can make my little corner of it feel a little bit better.

Keeping On, Keeping On

 

I'm in the 'slog' part of weaving.  OTOH, since I *enjoy* the weaving part, it's not actually a 'hardship' for me.  It becomes a working meditation, a dopamine dump, an endorphin rush.  

Mostly what I'm doing right now is preparing for the next treatment (Wednesday, if anyone cares to send positive energy my way), and trying to not get my hopes up for what will happen during the treatment.

I have started counselling.  I am trying to keep a positive outlook, without going overboard and expecting a magic miracle.

We seem to have zeroed in on the major issue for one of my problems, the one actually causing me the most grief at the minute, and begun treatment to encourage healing.  In the meantime, I still have pain, and I'm hoping to get some relief from that while the healing takes place.

There isn't a lot of energy for me to do like I used to do - plough through.  

One of my counsellors recommended a book called When The Body Says No by Gabor Mate.  I have been picking my way through that, trying to engage with my body so that we can work together - to both our comfort level(s).  

I have been working on being 'kind' - as kind to myself as I tend to be towards others.  I'm recognizing my trauma and the anxiety that my trauma sparked, and which was reinforced (because reasons) for my entire life.  I have been the poster child for the meme 'feel the fear and do it anyway'.

Weaving is helping me keep 'sane' and rooted in my reality.  It reminds me of the purpose I chose in this life.  I wanted to production weave for 25 years, then teach for 25 years.  Instead I did both at the same time.  Well, that 50 years is now 'up' and I need to really - and carefully - examine my life and how I want to spend what is left of it.

Again and again, I want to help others.  Answer questions - not just for my own edification, but to share with others.  It seems I have come through the brain bleed with my brains more or less 'intact' and a good friend who keeps me pointed in the right direction word wise.  I still make 'mistakes' and sometimes I will correct them, and sometimes I don't bother.  Just like with weaving.  I've gotten a lot less demanding that I only show 'perfect' work.  Because frankly, my mistake can be subtle enough that no one but me (or someone very experienced like me) can tell they are there.  But they will still do their job (dish towel, scarf, whatever) even if they have a flaw - just like humans can.

Doug has continued to work on the studio re-organization.  He'll deliver about 150 pounds of rayon chenille* to the guild for the stash sale, another friend will get about 30 or 40 pounds more.  I've given a small box of a very fine wool (both in grist and feel) to a friend and will include some fine wool for a guild member to 'buy' at the stash sale.  

I'm nearly 1/3 done the current warp, and once this warp comes off the loom, I will begin working on the silk cashmere.

So I continue to make plans, but leave myself the space (and grace) to change my goals if my body says 'no'.  I'm trying really hard to listen to her now.

*and yes, bagging up that much yarn was a real wrench - I know how much I paid for it and to just give it away was really really hard.  But the guild will benefit (I hope) and once it is out of here, I will be able to cut any leftover emotional ties about the yarn and move on...

Riding the Avalanche

 

Just started weaving this warp yesterday.  So far, so good.

However...

There is an 'easter egg' in this cloth.  The warp is 2/20 merc. cotton at 36 epi; the weft is singles 6 with energy (high level of twist - which if you look closely you can see evidence of in the little 'pigtails' in the weft just above the fell) and it is weaving in at 32 ppi - which was what I had guestimated.

The threading is quite simple, over 16 shafts, and the tie up is: 1:3:1:3:3:1:3:1 and the treadling is as drawn in.

Now I'm not claiming that some weaver somewhere, some day, hasn't done exactly this threading draft.  But I would venture to guess that no one has used this precise yarn combination before.  I could be wrong, but, it's not a common thing to do.

Why am I doing it?  Well, I am *trying* to use up as much of my stash as I can.  I'm down to the last large mill cone, plus the bit of cone that was left over after finishing the previous warp.

Am I tired of coaxing the single 6s to 'behave'?  Yes.  Yes, I am.  Even though there will likely be a rather large amount of yarn left over, pretty sure I'm 'done' with this yarn.

And since I have not done a wet finished sample, it's a mystery what will actually happen.  There will be *something* happening, though.  The degree of twist energy is significant and it has done something 'interesting' every other time I've worked with it.

Will the effect be pleasing?  Dunno.  I have faffed around and will find out...

Stay tuned in a couple weeks to find out when I do.

Reply Guys

 

I'm no stranger to 'reply guys' trying to 'teach' me things.  Mostly I ignore them.  Mostly.

Recently one replied to a short answer I wrote in an online group to 'teach' me because my answer 'wasn't entirely correct'.  Of course it wasn't. It was a very brief response to a specific question  - a question that would require a chapter in a book  (perhaps - ahem - above) to fully address, with all the 'it depends' factors.  He implied that I was ignorant - or purposefully obfuscating.

It was obvious he had little to no idea of my background in educating new weavers, or the leeway I allow for personalized solutions based on the weaver running the experiments, weaving the samples, figuring out what the hard and fast facts are, and which rules can be mangled to create something specific.  So, no, I didn't cover all that in a short paragraph.  No, my answer wasn't 'complete'.  But my goal was not to be complete, because I tried to come close(r) to complete in The Intentional Weaver.  If he had read it, he may have been able to see more of my very targeted message to a new weaver, struggling with a very specific issue.

Because until the weaver has laid down a solid foundation of knowledge, it is hard to begin to understand the underpinning mechanics and physics of the craft, and then tweak what you do, and how you do it.  Until that understanding is solid, the new weaver stands on a shaky foundation.

But I took some time to reflect on my career.  I thought about my approach, how I talk to very new weavers, trying to work out what their current issue is, give them enough information to move forward, to grow their knowledge base, learn for themselves the dynamics at play.  This cannot (imho) be whiffed away because I am not 'completely correct' about the craft as a universe, I am merely trying to bring each individual forward by one more step on their quest to learn.

As for 'breaking' or 'bending' the rules, I am constantly pushing, tweaking, tugging here, there, finding out where those actual boundaries are.  Of *course* my answer was incomplete.  New weavers cannot be confused by all the variables or they (most of them) collapse in confusion.  It is too frustrating.  Too difficult.  You don't talk to a 5 year old (usually) about calculus!  Or if you do, you use appropriate language.

So, I stand by my brief answers on chat groups.  That doesn't make me 'wrong'.  It makes me a thoughtful, considerate teacher, trying to answer the explicit question.  

I told the reply guy that I prefer to teach 'best practices', but he took exception to that, too.  

It was just another reply guy in my 50 year journey of exploring the pathways and boundaries of this craft.  

I will never forget the day when I answered a question on a chat group, from someone who wanted to set up his AVL in a very specific way.  Since I used my AVL* in specifically that way, I decided to answer, because all the replies had - to that point - told him he would 'ruin' his loom abusing it that way.  I probably should have answered privately, but I was on a quick break from the loom and needed to get back to it because I had a deadline - and weaving was how I earned my income.

So I quickly explained what I did, and went back to the loom.

A while later I came back to see if the OP had any further questions, and was met with a dog pile of several 'reply guys' all calling me ignorant, that I was abusing my loom, I was going to destroy it, and I needed, post haste, to hie myself to Chico and take classes so I was using the loom 'properly'.

Since I had been using the loom in precisely that way for literally 20 years, and no sign of damaging it, I closed the desktop and went back - to abuse my AVL some more.

When I went back later, Allen Fannin had responded to the reply guys saying (I paraphrase) that we (Allen and me) had agreed to disagree on a number of things, but when I said something people need to pay attention because I knew what I was talking about.

I was stunned at the public support from someone as knowledgeable as Allen Fannin (who had very firm opinions) and I have never forgotten the vote of confidence from him.  (Yes, we agreed to disagree about a number of things - but I respected where he was coming from and the knowledge his opinions were based upon - but change one thing and everything can change...)

So, while I have never articulated this before, here is where I stand - I have learned a great deal about this craft.  I have learned (generally speaking) how most people learn.  I have learned that you don't do an info dump about all the levels of complexity onto a brand new weaver.  I try to build their foundation of knowledge by adding the complexity in stages and letting them fit that information into their foundation of knowledge when it begins to make sense.

And I am not afraid to bend and mangle the 'rules' when I need to do so to create something specific.  But I will continue to try to teach 'best practices' and *then* remind them that when one thing changes, everything can change, and try.  Weave the samples.  Examine them.  Learn from them.  Do what you need to do.  FAFO, as they say.  But don't just throw out the 'rule book' without considering *why* there is a 'rule book'.  

Learn as much as you can about your materials, and your equipment.  I have made many modifications to my equipment over the years.  When people recoil in horror, I reassure them that I understand the basic principles of the mechanics involved, the physics, and have an in-house woodworker who *also* understands mechanics and physics and has the workshop to do quite extensive modifications if we both agree that is the best thing to do.

So no, my 100 word (at best) answer to a question on a chat group was not meant to cover the entirety of the possibilities that were available, but to give a new weaver having problems an answer.  An answer that they could grow their foundation of knowledge further and more usefully with.  Set down some 'boundaries' - for the now moment.

My knowledge is far greater than I generally share with new weavers.  It is too overwhelming.  Too confusing.  But I'm delighted when I find someone who wants to go forth to discover those complexities and we can talk subtleties.

It depends on which 'hat' I am wearing in the moment.  

For anyone at all who wants to know more, you are welcome to this blog, or my social media.  You are welcome to email me with specific questions.  laura at laurafry dot com

My books are still available at blurb.

My classes are still available at:

School of Sweet Georgia

Long Thread Media (classes and articles in back issues of Handwoven)

And if you *want* more subtlety, more in-depth knowledge:  WEFT Magazine

Now that I'm 'retired' (and dealing with health issues making life...challenging) I am finding solace and, indeed, therapy, by continuing to weave.  Continuing to ask why.  Continuing my personal journey of learning and exploration.  WEFT seems interested in what I look at, and my journey of learning while I do.  And they don't insist I have definitive answers but accept that it is huge, this craft.  And it may take more than just one person poking at it to bring more information forward for all of us to benefit from.

(now descending from the current soapbox...there's a loom that wants setting up...)

*Jon Violette told me just before he left AVL for other pursuits that Doug and I had essentially beta-tested the AVL Production Loom - me by using it *as* a production loom, and Doug by making changes TO the loom to make it work better.

A Tiny Blue Dot (CW warning - current events)

 

yellow line represents the divide between the US and Russia

This morning I read a post that explained that the current president of the US said that he 'didn't want to be neighbours with Russia'.

About that...

The current president has also said - repeatedly - that he wants to destroy my country economically so that he can annex it.

Why, if he doesn't want to be neighbours with Russia?

He is so confusing.  Because taking over Canada would mean that he would be even more 'neighbourly' with Russia than the US currently is.  

I constantly see posts by people who don't believe we live on a globe.  And yet even Google knows that we do.

People don't understand why flights take such stupid flight paths - because they don't ever look at a globe and find out that things in reality are different than what a Mercator projection makes it look like.  Compare Greenland in this photo to what you see in a Mercator projection.  And think about how perceiving things changes depending upon your view.

I grew up in a 'remote' town in the middle of the province of British Columbia.  The nearest big city was 500 plus miles away.  Edmonton could not be reached by road until the 1970s - unless you went south to Kamloops and used Highway 1 through the Rocky Mountains - a journey of around 800 miles (we were still using Imperial measures until the mid-70s - or north to Dawson Creek and then down to Edmonton - another 800+/- mile drive.)

On the other hand, I benefited from some really excellent teachers and they addressed things like the role of that radar base just outside of town, and how the US and the USSR would use Canada as their battleground instead of fighting on their own land.  It was a sobering perspective during a sobering time.  Kind of put international 'relations' in perspective when you realize two other countries are perfectly willing to destroy a 3rd (yours) because it makes a convenient battleground.  (And USians wonder why I'm not a big fan of US international policies.)

On the other hand, I read.  I read voraciously.  I read things that were far beyond what my life looked like, or what it promised me - a child of a blue collar worker who never actually attended school, and a 8th grade drop out from Montreal.

Living in a remote mostly forestry based resource town, far, far away from any large metropolitan centre, there was no higher education to speak of until the 1970s when a college finally opened.  The university was started in the early 1990s, because the community worked to make it happen.  The locals petitioned both provincial and federal governments, who stonewalled and stonewalled, and finally one of the locals asked what it would take to get the government to be open to funding a university of the north.  The government spokesperson whiffed and said "$1,000,000".  The spokesperson flew home from Ottawa, jumped on the local radio talk show and said 'ok, people, we need a million dollars to show Ottawa and Victoria that we are serious.  Send your donations asap."  I forget how long it took to raise the money but it was a matter of weeks, not months.  In 1994 the university opened their brand new campus high on the hill overlooking the valley the town sits in. And now?  We have some professors doing incredible research, pertinent to the north of Canada.  

All because there were enough people in this town who knew how to look at a globe and see the connections to others that we should never forget.

Over the years I have made a specific effort to break down my reality bubble.  Learning how to weave was the first step because I quickly learned that when it comes to weaving, change one thing and everything can change.  When I learned to begin to apply that to life, generally, I began to understand what was going on.  When I then started to apply that to human behaviour, I really began to see how people build barriers to understanding each other.  

We cannot keep going the way we are going with 1/4 of humans more than willing to kill off the rest of us.  We cannot assume that every person has the same motivations as we do, even when they proudly, loudly, proclaim they are followers of this religion or another.  Because most humans have little understanding of the very religions that they profess to follow.  (Sad, but true.)

I have turned into a curmudgeon in my later years.  Because I am old, I'm in my twilight years.  I have no family beyond me and my spouse.  (I do, however, have many many younger friends, who I care deeply about.)  So I have little to lose by speaking out when I see injustice.  

For decades I have stood quiet when I saw things that were wrong, not feeling that my voice would - or could - (or did I even *want* to) change anyone's minds.

But there is a meme going around that finally rattled my cage:  I do not speak out to change the others; I speak out so the others do not change me.

My speaking out has made a number of people uncomfortable.  I know, because they have angrily let me know.

Their anger is displaced.  I am not the one doing these things.  I am merely pointing them out.  If the Nazis came to rule Germany - and attempted to rule the world - built on the shoulders of good people who did not object - well, then I am going to make sure that I let people know that what is going on is wrong.  It is wrong by every metric humanity has attempted to build into human society.

As one single voice, I have zero to no power.  But if I can make just one person think?  Well, I can still write.  I can think.  I can share my conclusions.  I can encourage others to break out of their reality bubble and look at a globe instead of a Mercator projection to begin to really SEE our world.

So, no, I will not be quiet.  Not any more.  

Books - Unexpected Gifts

 

I have read multitudes of books.  I love reading.  I love learning stories, fiction and fact, examining new places, people, how humans deal with stress and happiness and everything in between.

Sometimes I stumble across books, sometimes a friend will recommend one, sometimes I will see an ad online and something catches my attention.

So it was with this one.  I don't remember where I learned about it, but if the author was going to talk about 'thrums', I was intrigued.  There was mention of grandparents being croft weavers, and I assumed there were going to be lots of stories about weaving.

Well, there are some stories about grandfathers weaving and sharing some of their knowledge, but Alan Garner is a weaver of words, not threads.  I'm not all that different when you come right down to it, honestly.  (As a weaver of threads AND words, I can see the similarities...)

Anyway, the public library didn't have it in their collection but it wasn't all that expensive, and that little inner voice that I've learned to listen to urged me to buy it, so I did.

It was only a little bit of a disappointment when it arrived and I realized that there wasn't that much about the weaver grandparents, but there were stories.  And essays.  Poems.  

Today I was reading it again (I can only read in little bits these days) and on page 162 read a passage and went a-HA!  This was the passage that I needed to read!

Given the way of the world right now, I've been struggling to justify weaving.  I'm 'retired' (for certain values) and I no longer have any 'need' to weave because I'm trying to weave down my stash and get rid of my inventory of woven goods.  But weaving is *also* part of my therapy right now, so I feel compelled to keep getting to the loom.

He was telling a story about meeting a astronomer/cosmologist and discussing a lot of things.  At one point the cosmologist considered leaving his profession when he felt it was being used to advance 'war', and briefly considered entering the priesthood.  But then "a bishop said he would do more good by staying where he was, since creativity is a form of prayer."

Garner then followed that conversation between the bishop and cosmologist by observing that Dylan Thomas was saying 'Creativity is prayer.'

I literally sat back and closed the book to think about that and let it sit for a while.

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear, it's been said.  I have no idea why I felt compelled to buy this smallish book.  But this morning, when things were looking rather bleak in the world, when there is so much uncertainty, and danger feels far too present...somehow I felt how much that statement rang true in my ears, my brain, and in my heart.

Another book that Doug found mentioned on FB yesterday that I requested.  I feel it is the type of book that the public library *needs* in it's collection right now:  Humans; the 300,000 year struggle for equality written by Alvin Finkel.  I don't know if the library will bring it in.  Again, it's not a terribly expensive book, so I will buy it to read myself, if they don't add it to the collection.

OK, found a photo of the cover:

I have read other texts about very deep/ancient history.  I find it fascinating to think about my distant ancestors, how they lived.  What they made.  What they might have thought.  The gods they worshipped, the government they may have had.

And how, in truth, we are more like them than most of us would be willing to admit.