Tamara O'Brien
This week a young woman I never met died. To those who knew her she was an inspiration - talented, kind. Diagnosed with cancer, she struggled with the fact that she wasn't going to reach old age. Instead she chose to live what life she had as meaningfully as she could. Her friends and family mourn her absence from their lives.
In the interview linked above, she talks about how some people refer to getting cancer as a 'gift'. She denies that cancer is any such thing, but rather for her it was an awakening.
So wise for one so young.
Over the years I have sought for meaning in my own life without really coming to much of a conclusion, just driven to do what I felt I had to do. Until my brother died.
My brother was well loved in this community. He worked tirelessly on projects he felt were important. He sought always to become a 'better' person. To be kinder, while not putting up with things he felt were wrong. Like when, at the age of 10 or so, he stood up to a playground bully in defense of the younger children the bully and his buddies had been tormenting.
His death triggered survivor guilt in me. Especially when I saw the church filled to overflowing, standing room only, including the balcony. So many people my brother had touched, helped, inspired.
Why him? I was the older one, why not me? I had to come to grips with the fact that I was still here. I chose to try and find a way to live with meaning outside of my own agenda. To help others more. To lift others up. To shed light where it was dark, if I possibly could.
Awakening to the white privilege that is mine because of my accident of birth, I now see and recognize how that white privilege is ingrained into our society. But I was also raised as a Christian, attending Sunday School weekly, listening to the words of Jesus - and as I grew older other spiritual leaders. Recognizing that the spiritual lesson is love. Not hate. Not othering.
As the world staggers under the change of climate, storms worsening, wildfires burning hectares of forests, sea levels rising, humans also seem to be going a little bit 'mad'. Resources are finite. Petroleum will run out - maybe not today, or tomorrow, but at some point. In the meantime we poison the ground and the water by squeezing every ounce of petroleum out. We pave over the parking lots (thank you Joni Mitchell, who brought us that message in when, 1970?)
On the internet we bicker and shout at each other, trying to fix blame for whatever is happening that we don't like. Fake! Fake! some of us shout, while ignoring the science, the data.
I have 'scored' left leaning on every questionnaire I've ever taken to determine political alliance. I believe that we are all human, we are all related, none of us are lesser than the other. That if something is a human right, then we all have that right. Like access to clean drinking water. I believe that people who have more than enough ought to expect to give a little more so that those of us who have little can have some comfort - like health care, housing. Build a bigger table, not a wall.
For many years when I was first trying to build my business I looked forward to the day when I'd earn enough money in order to pay taxes. To me that signified that I was finally a success. I wanted to pay taxes to help support infrastructure, public libraries, schools, health care, etc. It meant I could start paying back for those years when I didn't make enough money, but was never denied what I needed. I had roads to drive on to go to shows, a hospital that would not turn me away, a doctor who would see me even when I didn't have any money. Because those things get paid for out of the taxes our government levies.
A meaningful life means many things to many different people. To me it means helping others to the best of my ability. Even if all I can do is hold open a door. Or vote for a government that sees the value in all people, regardless of skin tone.