Wednesday, May 13, 2009
The THUD you may have heard last week was me falling off the energy wagon.
For the past couple of months I have been feeling more and more exhausted, which I attributed to a hectic travel/teaching schedule, poor sleep, what have you.
May 4th, when the specialist confirmed my suspicions I felt myself teeter, and subsequent minor irritations ground at me for the rest of the week. By Saturday when I was trying very hard to be upbeat and positive about the future, I kept mulling over the events that had brought me to where I am in the here and now. And found myself sinking futher into a funk of feeling - well, just plain bloody tired. (Apologies to any Brits out there.)
Sunday after lace I fell into bed at around 4 pm and dragged myself out at 6, feeling worse than before. Needless to say, doing anything productive was beyond me.
I managed to pull myself together while Karena was here and finish off the first shawl warp and beam the next but after setting up the guild loom, essentially crashed and burned.
It's taken me several days to think through why this happened. My conclusion? During the course of the past year I never had time to stop and deal with what was happening, because it just kept on happening. My blood pressure has been pretty good for the last two months, and essentially things have been under control. Which means that I haven't been focussed on trying to gain control.
You know how they say you never have a nervous break down during the crisis but after it? Well, my crisis is pretty much over - until the next one - and my body was finally able to make me pay attention to the fact that it was tired - exhausted - from all the stress, turmoil, pain and grief.
Even when I said I was going to cut back on my working hours, I got two special orders, and found myself working just as much as I had been. :}
So now, in spite of two critical deadlines coming up, my body has said "Enough." And this time, I'm going to listen.
I've been watching tv (egad - even daytime tv!) knitting, making jigsaw puzzles. And if I feel like heading down the stairs to do a little puttering, I do. But if I don't - well, I don't. :)
Today all I managed was to pack up an order, trim and tag the placemats I pressed on Sunday and deliver them to the local consignment shop.
Hopefully I can at least do the weaving/writing for the project for Handwoven I'm trying to pull together. That deadline is one I really don't want to miss. :)