Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Playing Hookey

The THUD you may have heard last week was me falling off the energy wagon.

For the past couple of months I have been feeling more and more exhausted, which I attributed to a hectic travel/teaching schedule, poor sleep, what have you.

May 4th, when the specialist confirmed my suspicions I felt myself teeter, and subsequent minor irritations ground at me for the rest of the week. By Saturday when I was trying very hard to be upbeat and positive about the future, I kept mulling over the events that had brought me to where I am in the here and now. And found myself sinking futher into a funk of feeling - well, just plain bloody tired. (Apologies to any Brits out there.)

Sunday after lace I fell into bed at around 4 pm and dragged myself out at 6, feeling worse than before. Needless to say, doing anything productive was beyond me.

I managed to pull myself together while Karena was here and finish off the first shawl warp and beam the next but after setting up the guild loom, essentially crashed and burned.

It's taken me several days to think through why this happened. My conclusion? During the course of the past year I never had time to stop and deal with what was happening, because it just kept on happening. My blood pressure has been pretty good for the last two months, and essentially things have been under control. Which means that I haven't been focussed on trying to gain control.

You know how they say you never have a nervous break down during the crisis but after it? Well, my crisis is pretty much over - until the next one - and my body was finally able to make me pay attention to the fact that it was tired - exhausted - from all the stress, turmoil, pain and grief.

Even when I said I was going to cut back on my working hours, I got two special orders, and found myself working just as much as I had been. :}

So now, in spite of two critical deadlines coming up, my body has said "Enough." And this time, I'm going to listen.

I've been watching tv (egad - even daytime tv!) knitting, making jigsaw puzzles. And if I feel like heading down the stairs to do a little puttering, I do. But if I don't - well, I don't. :)

Today all I managed was to pack up an order, trim and tag the placemats I pressed on Sunday and deliver them to the local consignment shop.

Hopefully I can at least do the weaving/writing for the project for Handwoven I'm trying to pull together. That deadline is one I really don't want to miss. :)


Sherrie said...

I am sorry to read you are having an energy slump. I hate that when it happens to me. Fortunately, for me, it eventually passes. I hope you feel on the upswing soon.

Amelia, belle of The Bellwether said...

By all means, play hookey :-) we all need that from time to time. Happy knitting!

barbara said...

So sorry to hear that your "get up and go; got up and went"!!! When that happens, we do have to listen to our bodies tell us to take it easy. You have "hit the nail on the head" when you said you have not taken the time to "process" events in your life. We all need time "just to be and to think & process". Our ancestors worked from sun up to sun down - then they had to rest; there was no TV, no movies, not much socializing, so rest then did from "sun down to sun up". Something to think about.

Hopefully, you won't be long in getting your energy back. Thank you for sharing this with us, it might be a lesson to all.

Weaverly yours

Sharon Schulze said...

I like to think that we will all have balance eventually. If we work for balance all along then there aren't big "payouts" later. I admire you for being willing to go with the flow and let your being recover.

Sue said...

I'm glad you're listening to your body. If you don't, it will just do something "louder" to get your attention. We should all learn from your example.

Sandra Rude said...

Hang in there, Laura, things WILL get better. Really!

Peg in South Carolina said...

I, too, have to listen to my body. Very very frustrating. But I have found a place that is good for my body because weaving has become much more than sitting at a loom. It includes dyeing, an e-sketchbook, blogging, reading, working out designs. So some things are physical primarily, but many things are primarily mental. I will never weave like you used to because my body is incapable of doing that. But I am very happy in what I do. Weren't you talking about writing a book????

Melissa said...

It's so hard to change gears, even when your body really needs it. I hope you feel better soon and find a better balance!