Success?

One of the things I have been dealing with during this time of transition is to consider all the ways our society manipulates people into doing more, striving harder, being a 'success' instead of a 'failure'.

But what exactly is success/failure?  And when does someone need to stop what they are doing without feeling like a failure?

In North America, at least, I grew up in the 50s and 60s with the thought that I ought to expect more from life than my parents.  I should get more education, expect higher wages, have a bigger house, a newer, fancier car.  I was supposed to exceed what my parents accomplished in every way possible.

As a young woman in the 70s I was supposed to be able to do it 'all' - whatever that meant.

So when I chose to become a weaver as my profession, I had high expectations of myself.  With no one to answer to but myself - my harshest critic, truly - I pushed and pushed and pushed.  I kept trying, kept going, kept striving, until the point of ill health and exhaustion.

I worked while I was sick and injured.  I taught in the throes of severe allergic reactions.  Staggered from gate to gate in airports, exhausted, confused from allergies, lack of sleep, coming down with the latest bug.

And yet.  And yet.  I persisted.  Because that was what I had learned I was supposed to do.

On the other hand, there is a definition of 'insanity' of doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.

Over the years, I ran into situations that clearly were not working.  Or at least, not well enough to keep running my head into that particular brick wall.  Instead of giving up, though, I tried to think of different ways I could keep making and selling my textiles, teaching and exercising my creativity.

I had every intention of continuing to do craft fairs for another two years.  But this year, it became crystal clear that that goal/intention was turning into another brick wall.  It was time to stop.

Someone recently commented that rather than considering that they failed at doing something, they were re-framing that into 'no longer' doing that thing.

To me this takes the whole success/failure perspective out of the equation of life.  And it expresses my lived experience.  I never failed at being a weaver.  I stopped being a weaver who made clothing.  I stopped being a weaver who sold her table napery wholesale.  I stopped being a weaver who wove hundreds of yards a year for a fashion designer.  I did not fail at those things - as much as some of them felt like a failing at the time.

I am no stranger to working hard, having a sharp focus on obtaining my goals, successfully accomplishing many things during the course of my career.  I do not now consider myself a failure by saying 'enough'.  I have done enough craft fairs.  I have done enough guild workshops.  I have done enough to consider myself a 'success' at my career.

Now that I have embraced the concept of 'enough', come through the feelings of resentment of having to quit, acknowledged the loss of a community I will miss, but opened myself to new experiences, new opportunities, I look forward to 2020 and what may come to my door and knock.

If you are tired but not 'done', stop and rest.  Stop and let yourself heal.  Then try again.  But maybe while you are resting, re-think what you are trying to accomplish.  Perhaps your goal just isn't a good fit.  Perhaps you have been working so hard on being a 'success' you cannot hear the knock of a different way of doing something.  Maybe you need to look at different paths, different end goals.

Consider how you define 'success'.  Maybe the definition needs to be adjusted.  Maybe enough is less than it seemed.  Remember that you only get one body and it needs to rest.  So if you are tired?  Rest.  Then decide if you carry on or adjust your course.