Three Weeks

 

Three weeks ago, I wound up doing a face plant.  I laid down and fell asleep, and thankfully Doug was home because he realized that something was going terribly wrong, and phoned for an ambulance.  It turns out I wound up having a brain bleed, and that night I was medevacked (?) to Vancouver where I had brain surgery.

A number of medical professionals have assured me that I am doing 'well'.  I told my family doctor it doesn't feel like it...

I have multiple emotional responses.  

For one thing I am having difficulty with my speech - although things are slowly improving.  But I have little desire to teach in person, not even only on a Zoom presentation.  I struggle with my words when I speak, and I know my delivery is poor.  I'm also nervous whether or not I can do an hour/two presentations.  My voice is weak, I struggle to find the words I need.

Now that this has happened, it feels strangely meant to be.  I had been writing a number of articles and intending to get them done asap.  As it happens the first two for the new weaving magazine were done - one had already been sent to the editor, and I had *just* finished the second, but was not yet sent.

When I got home from hospital, I arrived home with a cold, and shared it with Doug.  The intervening 3 weeks has been stressful, especially while I couldn't speak for several days.  The diagnosis was aphasia.  As a teacher/writer, I was dealing with not being able to communicate effectively.

Given I have zero idea how long this journey (worst journey, ever!) will last, I have thought long and hard to protect myself and guilds from my medical condition.  I don't feel confident that I can capably perform well.  An estimate for recovery is at the very least 6 months.  And I don't know when I can be placed with a speech therapist.  As such, I feel I need to cancel the two booked Zoom presentations in January.

Since writing is still easier than speaking, I MAY try to write the other two articles for the weaving magazine - although I'm not sure I will able to do the short article for the summer issue.

I did do a couple of articles for School of Sweet Georgia.  I just need to proof read the first file and make sure it's ok.

I am also not sure how soon I can get back to the loom.  I had prepped the next warp, getting it 3/4s threaded.  It feels like it will take some some to build up my strength - again.

Frankly, I am exhausted.  For the time being, I'm quite frankly content for sleep as much as possible.  A couple of nurse friends remind me, nearly daily, that I need to rest.  

Bottom line?  I'm partially furious that has happened to me.  But I'm so exhausted that I can't even work up a good head of steam.  

There is much to work out.  But I am starting to feel a bit stronger.  While I am frustrated and disappointed that I might not be able to write more articles, I have considered how/well I can live the rest of my life.  My goal - for the time being - is to continue to weave down my stash.  If I can weave, I will try to produce more weaving information.

Maybe I'll start feeling better soon...