Rough Patch

 

Life is full of rough patches.  We think - assume - that we have total control over our lives but the reality is that we do not.  What we have is the power to react to what happens, and then try to chart a path through those rough patches.

To be honest, I have pretty much bluffed my way through the past 15 or so months.  I'm pretty good at staying positive, looking for solutions, making plans, sticking with them (until I can't), pivoting when what I want to do simply cannot be done.

I try to not let 'positivity' turn toxic.  Swallow hard and change direction when something is clearly not working.

I had such high hopes of the new pain management plan, and the past month has been...awful.  I am no stranger to chronic pain, goodness knows.  But I am run ragged with trying to manage something that simply refuses to respond in a way that is helpful to me.  In a way that allows me to carry on doing what I love to do - teach, write, and above all, weave.

I have managed to continue to weave, but nearly every warp has been a challenge in one way or another.  I have managed a series of tea towels that all have 'issues' - some obvious, some not so obvious.  But since I have been using weaving primarily as therapy as I try to recover from the brain bleed, I didn't worry much about the 'flaws'.

A few days ago I told a friend that I have been holding onto the knot in the end of my rope for so long I'm not even sure it is actually attached to anything, or if I am down a hole hanging onto a rope that can never help lift me out of that hole.  

I have tried (so hard) to come up with something that will help and I'm exhausted by the trying.  How does that song go - if that is all there is, my friend, then let's keep dancing...

When I retired from production weaving, I made a serious effort to get rid of things that were no longer needed in the studio.  But I still had a gigantic yarn stash.  Since the end of 2019 I have steadily worked to weave down that stash.  And I have been successful, by and large.  I have given some yarn to friends, but most of them already have large stashes of their own and are in the same age bracket as me so they don't want much of anything.

I offered on this blog to give my rayon chenille stash away, but yesterday I met with the guild treasurer who brought me up-to-date on the guild activities, and they are planning a big 'stash busting' sale in January, to I asked if I could donate the rayon chenille to the guild and they could sell it and derive the income for guild activities.  She agreed with enthusiasm, and for the next couple of weeks Doug will help me by a) bringing my unsold inventory back to the house and help me sort and put the inventory away, b) sort through the rayon chenille, and bag the cones/tubes up in clear plastic bags then carry them up to the guild room once they have moved into the new, enlarged guild room in the new year.

I even have a scarf I can provide woven with Brassard 2/16 bamboo as warp and the rayon chenille as weft so weavers can see the quality of cloth that is possible with those yarns.

While I did manage to use up some of my rc stash, what is left still takes up one entire shelving unit.  Once that yarn is gone, I can take some of my plastic bins, currently on the floor, and get them put up on the shelves.

In the meantime I am nearly finished setting up the next towel warp.  I have enough 2/16 cotton to do one more warp after this one, and then I am essentially 'out' of 2/16 yarn and if I want to do more towels I will need to buy more yarn.  Before I contemplate that (gazing the boxes of towels that will be coming home from the sales tomorrow) I will begin working on the silk and cashmere.  Now that is a combination that I really want to enjoy working with.  

In the meantime, after talking to the pain doctor on Monday, I have one final Hail Mary to try and of course we are heading into the holidays so I'm having trouble putting my hopes/plans into action.  But I have a path forward.  I don't know what that path looks like because I cannot see into the future.  But I have a plan.  I have connected with a couple of people that I need to talk to.  I have some things I can do myself until I can connect with professionals.  

It seems I am not done yet.