Frazzled

There are levels, and then there are levels.

The above is an enlarged view of a two ply yarn of cotton and linen - or as it is sometimes called 'cottolin' or 'cotlin' or some variation thereof.

The thing is, if you look at this yarn from a 'normal' viewpoint, it looks like a perfectly standard fairly smooth yarn.

When you see it very close up, it doesn't look nearly as neat and tidy.

This would be a metaphor for me, right now.

After years and years of cramming one more thing, one more deadline into my life, my schedule, neatly jockeying my way through the morass of obstacles and hurdles, I find myself frazzled.

Now I'm no stranger to the feeling - just that I'm finding it harder to cope, emotionally, with the whole ball of wax, the tangle.

The past few years have left me - apparently - depleted in the energy resources department.  So today I find myself ignoring everything save the things that have gone pear shaped and/or critical.

I find myself sitting in the chair in the window ignoring everything else.

Today I had lunch with a friend - one of those slightly older women who mentored me during my early years that I referred to recently.  I found myself telling her that I'm looking forward to 'retirement'.  That 'semi-retirement' didn't seem to be working very well.  That I am looking at the calendar and counting down the days to the deadlines (ahem) looming and looking forward to having them behind me.  At looking forward to getting by the next set of critical conference tasks so that we can figure out what needs doing next, and by when. 

Then, like the true friend that she is, she asked, what can I do?  How can I help with the conference?  So we talked about a few things and we found a job that is perfectly suited to her, so there is one thing that can be handed over to someone who will do as she has promised and take that little bit of weight off my shoulders.

Our female friends are the 'sisters' we have chosen for ourselves.  I don't have a biological sister, but I have been blessed with a large number of chosen sisters.

Thank you - all of you.  I love you all, more than I can say.