Regrets...

photo taken at the Ancient Forest 

...I've had a few...

I have several friends dealing with serious health issues while I keep being dragged down by some sort of virus I caught two weeks ago.

This morning I finally feel like I might have come through the worst, but feeling stuffed up, drippy nose, mild sinus headache, tired, achy, has left me with little energy to weave.  So I haven't touched the loom in far too long.

On the other hand, spring seems to be arriving and with it, another milestone...six weeks until the conference begins.

I am sorry I won't be heading out to Cape Breton for teaching, but with conference work ramping up, I'm also kind of relieved I won't be away for three weeks.  Or even one, if the class in Tenino had gone ahead. 

Sometimes the universe really does know what is 'best'...

Homework from Olds students came in a flurry in April and I hear there are a few more boxes to come in May.  I always tell students to aim for January, but they likely won't meet that.  I asked them to not send homework in May, but, here we are, the end of April with more to come.

All of that is to say, I find myself struggling to find the energy to do much of anything while in the back of my mind I know one friend is in hospice and her journey will soon end.  Conference details eat up whatever mental functionality I might have.  The loom calls to me and I ignore it.  I'm so close to finishing that warp, with the new one crunched, ready to go on.  Four more towels to finish - and I am going to continue to ignore it today and maybe tomorrow, too.

In May I also go get my blood checked to see how my cancer is doing, so the emotional roller coaster carries on.  Mostly I can ignore it, and really I don't expect to hear that I need to decide on treatment - yet.  But I've been so sick, it also makes me wonder about the cancer...

Some of the student work has been exceptional, which gives me hope for the future of the craft and lifts my spirits.  Gloria Steinem has said something about passing the torch - I paraphrase - no, I'm not passing the torch, I'm lighting more torches because the only way to improve things is by shining a bigger light, so I'm keeping my torch, thank you very much, and lighting up more.  I feel very much like Ms Steinem right now, hoping to light more torches.

I have reached the slogging through details part of conference organization.  I'm going to deal with a few things I need to do for myself, clear the dining room table, concentrate on the nit-picky job of reviewing room assignments, then start working on what each instructor needs in those rooms.

It's not the kind of thing I enjoy doing, but I'm just enough of a control freak that I will do it to make sure the teachers have what they need to do their jobs.

So I will be making lists, checking them twice (thrice, as many times as necessary).  At least this cold has ebbed enough I can find a couple of neurons to rub together.

But I am also at the 'what on earth was I thinking when I agreed to organize a conference' stage of conference planning.

So, yes, I have a few regrets...