Father's Day

 

I know I've been thinking about my dad a lot.  And my brother.  This is probably my favourite photo of the 3 of us together.  I was 10, my brother would have been 3.5.  

Dad was never comfortable being 'in charge' of us kids, but needs must and mom was having minor surgery so he was 'stuck' with us.

(This was Granville Street in Vancouver, and the street photographers always took pictures of people.  Mom made sure she got the 'ticket' so she could buy a couple prints.   That was my role, that day.  Yes, I remember it.)

As life goes on, I have been spending a lot of time wondering 'what's it all about, Alfie'.  

I am the product of my parents.  Both were complex people (as I was to come realize we all are, each in our own way) and it took a while to sort out my relationship with each.  I had a lot more time with mom - twice as long, give or take.  And one of my biggest regrets was not getting to know my dad as an adult.  

I suppose the last summer he was with us I got to know him 'better', but there are so many more things I would have liked to talk to him about.  Instead the last 6 years of his life was him dealing with constant pain and feeling sick and tired.

And now here I am confronting some of the same symptoms, but different 'illness'.  Makes me wish I knew more about how he dealt with it all.

And I think about my brother, who also died 'too soon'.  I don't really feel my dad's 'presence' much anymore.  But I still frequently feel my brother.  And I know it's just my own memories, remembering him.  I got to know Don better than dad because I spent more time with Don and we talked.  All those 'Alfie' questions that I never got a chance to discuss with dad.  

So, today is a day to remember.  A distant father, who also neither pushed me away.  A 'little' brother who was a bit of a brat in his younger years, but grew up into a man I loved and respected.  Both gone, but never forgotten.