This is the potential 'right' side of the cloth currently on the loom. Of course I did not enter the colours I used - I can visualize what that will look like, well enough, plus I can now look 'under' the web to see them more clearly. But, overall, I'm pleased enough with this.
I'm also quite certain that I am not the first person to weave something like this. It's 'only' various twill progressions, strung together to make a motif. But neither do I much care. Weavers have been interlacing warp and weft for quite literally thousands and thousands of years. I doubt I'm the first to come up with this, and likely will not be the last!
Since the face plant last August, I have had to come to grips with the changed circumstances of my life, due to an injured body. At the last pain management meeting we talked about 'Acceptance'. Since I've had to do this numerous times, I'm no stranger to the concept and pretty well practiced in applying it.
Not that it becomes easier! I still resent that my body now has injuries that I must deal with on a daily basis. But when I feel myself sinking into the bog of wallows, I remember to look up and out, and recognize that the alternative is that I would not be alive now, if I hadn't survived all these things.
And, because I *am* still alive...well, I need to find a way to keep moving forward and living my life. Because it is the only one I have.
So - acceptance. This is not 'giving up', it is simply a recognition that these circumstances are here in my life and I need to deal with them. Acceptance is saying "I am here, on this map - where do I go from here, and how might I get somewhere else that feels more comfortable."
Acceptance doesn't mean laying down in the bog and slowly disappearing from view, but working out how best to proceed, given those current circumstances.
Acceptance allows me to recognize where and when I have some sort of control. Fortunately I have enough money I can invest in myself (right now - all things can change) and so I am pursuing another approach. If nothing else, if I can rule things out, I might stumble across what the actual problem is?
It is a way to take some kind of 'control' over what is happening. And who knows, we may discover something 'wrong' that can actually be 'fixed' instead of me slogging through each day, up to my knees in bog, with the water rising?
And I hang on tightly to the fact that my brain appears to be managing some healing. A couple of people have mentioned that my writing seems improved. My spouse has become adept at asking me to clarify what I have just said without making me feel like an idiot. And little by little, I *think* I will be able to keep going.
Will I be able to do Zoom presentations again? I don't know. I have booked an 'interview' with HGA in July for their Tea and Textiles program (July 22, if anyone is interested) and after I do that I will have a better idea if I *can* speak publicly and teach. An interview is different than teaching a class, so I am hoping I won't lose my language and serve up some word salad. But how draining will I find it? Would I be able to actually teach? I might have to try doing something informal and see how I manage.
And if I can't, there are still my books and my online classes*. And if people email me, I can wait until I'm functioning, and proof read several times before hitting 'send'.
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