This meme has never resonated so thoroughly as I begin what appears to be the beginning of recovery from what has been making my life miserable for literally years.
As with any health issue, it appears to be true that however long it took you to get to 'bottom' it takes the same time to climb out of the hell you have been living.
But I am a do-er (even as I complain about it) and I have spent the better part of the last 6 months flailing around trying to find out what the hell has been going on in my body as things kept getting 'worse'.
For those who are interested, on December 24 (Merry Christmas?) I got the lab report back - I have genetic markers for being unable to utilize 'ordinary' B 12 and a couple other of the B family vitamins. As such my body was unable to heal properly and new research into peripheral neuropathy is showing that what happens is that the protective covering of the nerves in the extremities begins to deteriorate. And then you experience nerve pain. A not so silent 'scream' of the body falling apart.
People who are diabetic, or who have had chemo or other conditions generally have peripheral neuropathy. I am one of the ones who had chemo with Vincristine, well known to cause PN (I'm going to use the initials rather than type it out all the time), and indeed, I had PN during chemo. I was told it would resolve when chemo was done, and it did, but it came back. Most likely because I have genetic markers from both parents which block my body's ability to use the 'usual' B 12 (and two others) even though my blood work showed a nice healthy level of B12 in my blood.
I immediately started taking a different form of vitamin B plus some supplements that were to help boost the body to utilize the vitamin. I'm about 6 weeks out from beginning that treatment, and I can fairly confidently say that it appears to be working.
But it's not a smooth passage back to 'health'. It very much looks like the above meme - I *thought* it would be smooth sailing, but of course, it has not been 'smooth'. At all.
Last night - again - I had a 'bad' night. Was awake for 3 hours at dark o'clock while the nerves in my feet and legs pinged and frizzled, and my muscles cramped.
But! It's no longer pain levels of 7. Just 4-5 when the pain flares. I still can't sleep when the pain goes over 3, but...it's NOT 7.
For the first few weeks I could not actually tell if anything at all was happening, but I can honestly say...it is better. It isn't fixed. It won't be for months and months, apparently. But I've been living with this pain for about 6 years and it may take 6 years to recover fully. If I ever do. Some of my nerves may be permanently damaged, and I won't know until I get there.
But it means that ultimately, I may get to the point where I will be able to weave on the Leclerc Fanny again. The Megado has a very 'light' lift and I can use my thick soled shoes to weave on that loom. But I cannot on the Fanny so I haven't been able to weave on that loom for over 3 years. But now? Now I'm thinking...maybe.
I am also getting therapy to deal with the trauma of my birth and the impact that has had on me my whole life. So far I have no idea if it is 'helping' because I've been alive for 75 years and hiding my trauma as a way to continue to deal with life. Apparently it is now time to address that trauma.
Last Saturday I did a one hour presentation for the Vancouver Guild. Since then I've had 3 of the people who attended or watched the recording contact me to thank me for sharing my knowledge. I have another booked for Feb. 28. If that also seems to go well, I will take a look at the calendar and consider taking more bookings. I didn't want to last year because I was still in recovery from the brain bleed, plus I never knew what shape I would be in because of the pain. It's really really hard to think when your body is screaming at you, asking you to DO SOMETHING.
Well, it took several months and multiple changes in what I was doing, then finally genetic testing, but we appear to have found out part of what was happening. And as spring teases us (too soon, too soon!) my tiny sprig of hope appears to be budding.
In the meantime, the sale at blurb continues. Use the coupon code of BOOKLOVE15 May 8-10 for a 15% discount. US folk, the books are printed and shipped within the US. Other countries may prefer to buy the pdf - it's cheaper and you get it immediately. If you have issues with the website, contact THEM, not me.
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