A New Dawn

 

A combination of living in the 'north' (not really but far enough that there is a significant difference in time of dawn throughout the year) and not sleeping well (menopause - the gift that keeps on giving) means that for a few months every year I have a chance to see the dawn.

We are living in the proverbial 'interesting' times right now.

There is political unrest in many places in the world.  More than we might be aware of, except for the internet and the ability of people to get the word out.  There is the pandemic, where over a million people have - so far - died.  Others have been left with long term chronic health issues.  People are risking their lives to tend to the sick and in some cases it seems in spite of government inaction - or confusing messaging, which amounts to the same thing.

It is easy to feel powerless and that things are pointless.  

Rather than let my feelings overwhelm me, I try to find things that I can actually do.  So I write.  Because I have always written - just more so during this time of pandemic.  Pandemic diarist - who knew?

I weave.  Because I need to feel as though I have some kind of control over my life.

I encourage others and work on ways to - hopefully - improve the lot of others, as best I can, in my limited capacity to do so.

When my brother died I experienced survivor guilt.  I was older than he was.  He was a well known (much better known than I ever knew) person in this town.  The church was filled to overflowing for his service.  I wondered at the 'justice' of taking someone who worked so hard to improve his world.  Too soon.  Much, much too soon.

In the end I decided that since I was still here, I needed to work to help make things better in my little corner of the world.  Do what I could.  When I could.  However I could.

After a string of gloomy, grey, dreary days, this morning I woke up - too early after a 'bad' night - and was awake for when the sun popped up over the hill and roof of the house across the street.

It reminded me that today was another day.  What I did - or did not do - yesterday was now in the past.  Today was a new day.  A new chance to do 'something'.  

Today I won't, in all likelihood, make it to the loom.  But I did get the loom ready to go yesterday and tomorrow I should be able to begin weaving on the new warp.

It doesn't matter that all I'm doing is weaving tea towels.  I am weaving.  And that is reward enough.

After months of feeling poorly, dealing with chronic pain, I am finally beginning to have 'not bad' days (as I put it to the massage therapist when he asked how I was doing) and that is progress, no matter how I look at it.

So I will take what I can.  Be grateful I am still here.  Still able to weave.  Still trying to help others.  My goal, personally, remains the same for now - three things.  I try to do three things each day.  I don't make it every day, but I have a goal.  I have something to look forward to doing.  And tomorrow is another day.

It's a new dawn.   A new day.  And I'm still here.  And if you are reading this?  So are you.  And I'm glad.

{{{hugs}}} to those who need one.