Dreary

 

Another dreary day in a string of them.  Weather forecast says possibility of sunny on Tuesday, then right back to more of this.

Winter is not done with us yet.

Nor is covid.  Nor shingles.

Even though I've been through this sort of thing before, even though I was warned this was going to be a slow recovery, the reality is...depressing.

Each day crawls by with me feeling unable or unwilling to do much of anything.  So I don't, because I know that pushing too hard right now can actually set me back.  

I'm having flashbacks to by-pass surgery, which took place almost exactly six years ago.  I admit I didn't feel much better then.  But recovery went more quickly and six weeks didn't seem like forever as I could feel the energy returning.  Oh yes, there were the usual bumps and holes, but I'm also six years older and been through the mill a few more times.

And I know all of this, intellectually.  It's just the emotions I am going through right now that make this particularly hard.

I feel guilty I didn't recognize what was going on sooner.  Doctor warned me that I came in very 'late' for treatment and it was going to be hard to root the virus out of my eye.  And dammit, she's right.  It's going so dreadfully slowly and I still feel 'off' and every day seems like Groundhog Day.  I have to look - hard - for every tiny bit of progress.  And barely find any.

We are still dealing with covid here, too.  Experts are saying the current wave ought to peak in the next couple of weeks, but in the meantime I feel like I have to stay home, not leave the house (except for doctor appointments) and not have visitors.  At least during my other health recoveries, I could have some company.

Thank goodness for the internet!

Today's sliver of light was the fact that I was able to finish pressing the last of the scarves.  They are now hanging on the drying rack to finish drying.  They were nearly dry, but I don't want to set any wrinkles in them, so they will hang over night.

Tomorrow I will see if I feel 'safe' enough to trim the fringes.  If not they will get folded and stacked up and set aside until I do.

Casting around for something else 'light' I could do, I'm wondering if I feel up to hemming yet.  With my lack of depth perception, I'm thinking...no.  But neither do I feel up to beaming a warp.  So I don't know what will occupy my limited energy tomorrow.  

But I am becoming heartily sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.  Just saying...