A Fragile Crop

 

Persistence

Yesterday I had a fairly long chat with my physiotherapist who has been encouraging and supportive of my current 'journey' in a body whose 'check engine' light has gone on (again).  I gave her an update on the journey since seeing her last, the new pain meds (still in the introductory dose stage, so not much evidence of pain control - yet) and the changes I've noticed in my body.

Not all of them are positive - on the surface - but given the length of the injury and the years my body has struggled to cope to continue on in spite of the injury, change can also be seen as positive, even when it means yet more pain in the short term.

Because muscles, once freed from chronic spasm and 'work' to keep moving are prone to let you know they are tired and a bit angry.

At the end, we talked about how important it is to remain hopeful, and she gave me an attagirl for my advocacy to the health professionals - including her - and that I can remain hopeful while we go through the process.

Frankly it's been damned difficult and the older I get, the more work it takes to tend my garden of hope.  We talked about the fragility of hope and how easy it is to lose heart for the continuing struggle and that gratitude was important to maintain hope.  

I also see others with huge struggles.  I try to encourage and support them, as best I can.  Sometimes just a message, a virtual hug.  Sometimes all I can manage is the thought because perhaps my email might be just one too many things to deal with knowing they are already overwhelmed.  And then I remember how much I appreciate a little "thinking of you" - nothing else - and send it anyway.  I don't expect a response, but hope that my little virtual hug/thinking of you message provides a little energy, a little comfort when everything is all just...Too Much. 

Since seeing the pain doctor locally I have been tending my garden of hope - doing my exercises, as best I can, and weaving, because it seems it doesn't make things worse, and I feel 'better' for having gotten to the loom.  Yay for self-generated endorphins?

Today I will weave one more towel, then remove the current warp so I can begin dressing the loom again.  I would like to do the beaming and threading before the injection on Friday and then if I need a couple of days to recover I will be looking forward to starting the Snail's Trails and Cat's Paws inspired draft.  The threading is printed out, the treadling loaded onto a thumb drive.

And my physiotherapist is hopeful that once the pain from my SI joint is under control that we can break through and make some actual progress towards strengthening my weakened muscles instead of just trying to hold back the continuing descent into more pain and disability.

Gotta go sprinkle some gratitude on my garden of hope...