Decisions, Decisions

 

Life, like weaving, is full of decisions.

The above cloth is the Snail's Trails and Cat's Paws threading/treadling, but woven 'star' fashion, while the more traditional way is 'roses'.  (I change the tie up, not the treadling because that's the easiest way to make the change.)

A simple change of perspective, a different choice, and voila, a different result.

Since making the decision to 'retire' and shut down my business in 2019 I have been faced with a seemingly never ending round of decisions.  Not that life was any different before that; just that the decisions became...different.

What to keep?  What to re-home?  What to simply toss?  

Did I really need that stuff?  This?  That other pile?  

As my objectives changed, my stash need to be weeded out.  

As my health changed, other decisions had to be made.  Things that I *thought* I would be able to continue to do, like teach in person, now had to be abandoned.

Getting rid of some things was emotionally draining.  Yarn I had purchased for a purpose, suddenly had no real purpose anymore.  OTOH, I *had* paid good money for it.  I couldn't just...throw it away...there was nothing wrong with it.  I just wasn't teaching in person anymore and had no need of it.

During the first years of covid (I won't say anything about covid as though it is in the past, I will not live in denial) my focus changed again.  I learned how to use Zoom, and began crafting 'seminars', which I now offer as guild programs/lectures.  I had to change my studio set up to make a 'studio' for doing Zoom because I really dislike most of what I see of the 'fake' backgrounds people use.  The studio got snowglobed again.  It's not 'perfect' but will do.

After several years of declining 'ability' to weave or do much of anything, I have had to come to grips with an aging body that is breaking down.  That has also been difficult as I factor in my 'disability' when I make decisions.  Earlier this year I was just about ready to give in, give up, cry uncle.

Instead I threw a massive hissy fit at my family doctor and this week I should receive the first SI injection, which I fervently hope will relieve some of the pain and disability I have been living with.

But I'm not about to cry 'eureka' and assume that I will once again be functioning to the level I was, even pre-injury.  This is pain relief treatment, not a cure.

What I hope is that the pain roller coaster becomes more of a carousel.

What remains is my determination to keep weaving.  Keep writing (if I find I have more I want to say - so far my score on that seems to continue 'high').  Keep encouraging weavers to continue to learn, to grow, to keep weaving.

But I have given up on the traveling I had hoped to do.  So many beautiful places in this world. I will enjoy them vicariously.  I've begun buying more expensive puzzles in part because I found a brand I really like, and I get hours of pleasure from putting them together.  And, quite frankly, I'd rather be fiddling with coloured bits of cardboard to doing a lot of other things.  Do I care that my house remains a mess?  Not really.  But neither am I inviting anyone (but my very closest friends) over to see my mess.  

In the meantime, I continue to pick away at my stash.  The mercerized cotton is very close to being used up.  If the injection goes well, I may be able to increase my weaving back to two hours a day instead of maybe one.  But weaving is not just physical exercise, it's also good for me mentally, emotionally and intellectually.

So that is one thing that I won't be getting rid of any time soon.  Loom gods willing...