A Lifetime of Learning

 

When I chose to make weaving my 'career', all I had to go on was a gut feeling and big dreams.

I really had no clue as to what I was doing, or what would be required.  I did have a broad range of experience to draw upon, which helped.  But what fueled me were those 'big dreams'.  The potential, which showed in glimmers as I grappled to acquire the skills necessary.

I was prepared to make mistakes.  To fail.  But determined to figure it out.  To never let the naysayers prevent me from what felt 'right' for me.

It seemed apparent to me that weaving had a lifetime of learning to explore.  And so it has been.

At times newer weavers will express frustration and exclaim that they can hardly wait until they didn't make mistakes any more.

When I hear that I usually bite my lips - hard - in an effort to not laugh.  Because I'm not laughing at them, I'm laughing at the notion that I will ever get to that place!  

Especially since the brain bleed, just about 9 months ago.  When my whole world tilted and my brain stopped working, mostly.  Not all of it, thankfully, but a large chunk of it, that I used frequently - my speech centre.  It affected my ability to talk, read and most especially, write.

It also affected my concentration, something that weavers really seriously need, if they are to *not* make mistakes practicing this rather complex skill.

Truth to be told, since the date in late August and through September before I felt able to get to the loom (for short periods only) I have made more mistakes in the past 8 months than I made - probably - in the 8 years previously.  I think nearly every warp, except a couple that were dead simple to dress, had at least one 'mistake' in them, some of them more than one.  It has been humbling to observe the mistakes reveal themselves.  

My Anglo-Saxon words have gotten a really huge workout lately (not to mention the state of politics).

So I fix the ones I can, and try not to stress over the rest.  Most of the 'mistakes' are not very clear anyway, because of *course* I have been weaving with 'thin' yarn for the past while.  That makes the difficulty level go up, just by nature of trying to see 'thin' threads and make sure they go where they belong.

The surgeon told me that the first year will bring the greatest 'healing', with the 2nd year after the injury  bringing 'some' more.  How much?  No idea.  Every person is on their healing journey and no person experiences the injury and the healing in the same way.  It hasn't helped that other issues have also been giving me grief.  But it would appear the 'hail Mary' drug just might be working.  I will know more as the dose gets closer to the level I need to deal with the chronic pain.  And slowly, my brain seems to be getting a better handle on...things...

Yesterday I sent the info for the Zoom presentation in July.  When I get the promo materials I will share them.  I'm hoping that people will be kind if my brain has a fizzle.

Weaving was my saving 'grace'.  I was determined to at least get back to the loom, even if I could not teach or write anymore.  I let go of expectations, and learned to accept - not to give up, but to be realistic about what I could actually do, then move forward from there.

It has been the support of my spouse and several friends who have gotten me through to this time.  They held onto hope when I had all but given up.  

But I did not die that day.  And I still have dreams.  They may no longer be 'big', but I still have them.  Not to mention I still have yarn that needs to be used up!

The repair to the loom appears to have worked, and the loom is much happier.  Therefore the weaver is much happier.  I'm pretty sure there is more for me to learn, and so I get to the loom and try.  

For those who have reached out to me with encouragement, thank you - from the bottom of my heart.  I'm still not what I used to be - and I may never be.  But I just finished two 45 minute sessions at the loom.  And it's enough.