Smooth Sailing

 

Swans.  They look so...majestic.  So calm.  But under the surface of the water, their feet are working to keep them on course.

To any unexperienced observer, it looks so simple.

Same with other skilled activities - like weaving.

My father always pointed out someone skilled by saying 'watch out for the people who make something look simple'.

I have been thinking about my father a lot, lately.

He died 'too soon' - as far as my family were concerned.  But as I look back on my life, I realize how much of him lives on in me.

He probably would not have understood why I quit my very well paying job (for a female) in 1975 and dedicated my life to being like that swan.  Making it look simple on the surface, but working - *hard* - to make it seem so.

But once he crossed over, I felt that he understood and was there - in spirit - as I struggled and stumbled and - at times - succeeded to make something I was satisfied with.

The face plant last year was like losing at the old game 'snakes and ladders' - as I tumbled down the board to the beginning, feeling fumble fingered - and brained.  I worked hard to bring myself even close to my previous proficiency.  And I'm still not close.  Probably never will be.

But I can still weave, and right now?  That's enough.

I posted to a weaving group the other day and someone kindly said that I was 'godmother' to many.  The statement took me aback a little, then I felt...a bit overwhelmed, frankly.  I don't have kids, therefore don't have g/kids.  Our extended family lives far away and we rarely see any of the nieces/nephews.  

I don't do what I do for praise - although it's nice when it comes.  And now, at this stage of my life, to have a publication keep contacting me to see if I want to write for them, feels affirmative.  It feels like a reason to keep going, in spite of the physical/mental challenges.

In a way I feel I am - hopefully - continuing my father's legacy, pointing out when someone does something that looks simple when I know how much work went into the project.

As I look back on my life, I have done things I never anticipated doing.  Never dreamed about doing.  Never knew that I *could* do, from public speaking, to organizing conferences with hundreds of participants, to self-publishing books, to being published in 'real' magazines, not just things I put together myself.

Yes, I've made mistakes.  Still do, especially now when my brain misfires, and my body keeps breaking down.

To be told that others have noticed what I have done and taken inspiration?  Is probably the biggest gift I have received.

So, in spite of the pain flare (a-bloody-gain) last night, I see that I am feeling 'better' so I am going to finally get dressed and to the loom.  Because I will cut off the first 1/3 of this warp today.  And I will keep going.  At times letting the current carry me, at times paddling furiously, while apparently calm and serene on the surface.

Never give up.  Never let someone tell you that what you are doing is 'worthless' when it is what your heart/soul needs to do.  

As for current events?  #elbowsUp