Exotic Marigolds

Best Exotic Marigold Hotel


I rarely watch movies these days.  When I do, I prefer to watch them at home where I can hit 'pause' and move about.  Too much sitting and I tend to stiffen up.  Not to mention most movie houses have the volume up so high my ears ring for ages afterwards.

But this movie (click on link above for trailer) was highly recommended and since I will watch almost anything that has Judi Dench and/or Maggie Smith in it, I bought it when I saw it for sale at Costco a few months ago.

Several people have commented to me about my great attitude.  Believe me, I'm no Pollyanna.  I have those dark moments when the niggling worms of fear raise their heads.  I've learned that I need to vent and get them out of my head into the light of day.  The light will always show up those fears for what they are, and after confronting them I can chop them down to manageable size.

Acknowledging my fears takes away their power, I find.  (And bless my friends who let me vent!  You know who you are!)  And since fear is just an emotion, allowing it to evaporate in the power of light is the fastest way to encourage a different emotion, a healthier emotion, to take root.

Recently I watched the movie again with a friend.  There is one line that I want to remember because it seems to sum up everything I feel about life.

It goes something like  - Everything will be all right in the end.  And if it isn't all right, it isn't the end.

Life is a journey.  Everything will be all right in the end.

Bonus Time

It is now 24 months since I finished the last dose of chemotherapy.  I am well into Bonus Time as the 'norm' for this type of cancer is 18 months.  But we all know I'm not 'normal', right?  :)

Even though two oncologists have been less than supportive of the 'up to 6 year' remission quoted by oncologist #1, I am going to go for it.

At times I worry a bit about booking teaching dates a year or more into the future - will I have to cancel?  But I refuse to live my life worrying about and fearing what is to come.

Let's face it, no one knows their 'best by' date.  There are no guarantees.  I could get run over by a bus tomorrow, never mind anything else that may happen.

So it means I may have to take another year 'out' while I do chemo again.  That means I'll still be here.

The thing with entering the world of cancer treatment is that you find out just how many people are on the same journey.  Some get cured.  Some live with it daily.  Some, like me, get a reprieve.

In the meantime I will enjoy each day as it comes.  As the poster on Facebook says - do not regret growing old.  It is a privilege denied to many.

Carrots

When I say I don't get bored weaving, I do mean that.  But I can and do get tired.  I have been pushing myself hard - essentially since January - what with all the travel, teaching and production weaving.  And I am getting tired.  It is getting harder and harder for me to go to the loom.

But I am almost finished the painted warps.  There are 3 more on hand with 3 more to come later in September.  The end - at least for now - is nearly in sight.

What I ought to be doing is using up some of that rayon chenille.  But I really don't want to!  I am so over and done with rayon chenille and the colours I have on hand are limited so to do a really good job of designing and producing a line for sale would mean....buying more yarn.

So instead, what did I do?  I bought silk.  Not too much to start with, but enough that I should be able to get a few different warps done with the hand dyed variegated I already have, that Doug spent hours putting onto cones, and have something else ready for the shows coming up all too soon.

Since the yarn is silk I have decided that rather than fringe twist the ends I will either hem stitch on the loom or hem.  I will do one of each on my prototype warp and see which I like better.  This will be faster than fringe twisting and give these scarves a very different look from the painted warps.

But first I must finish the painted warps on hand before I reward myself with the carrot.

Numbers Game

Keeping track of numbers is how we access our progress.  I guess I'm a little OCD because I count stuff.  I count picks, steps (especially now I have Fitbit!), scarves woven, fringed, wet finished.

Today I wove scarf #161 since May.  The dyer has three more warps to return in addition to the three I have on hand plus the one on the loom and I'm wondering and worrying whether or not I will have sufficient inventory for the rapidly approaching shows I'm booked to do in Oct/Nov/Dec.  The other side of the coin is worrying whether I will sell enough to pay for the expenses of doing the shows....

Keeping track of numbers is also how our society measures success, generally by counting how many dollars someone has to spend.

Since a 'starving artist' usually doesn't have a whole lot of those, I count other things.

There were 50 AGY: Linen and Hemp.  There is now one.
There were 140 AGY: Cotton.  There are now 10.
There are considerably more AGY:  Rayon, but I'm hopeful that they will sell.  Eventually.  Just like Magic sold.  Eventually.

I don't know what the people hosting the webinar were expecting for registrations but the moderator seemed pleased with how it went.  And of course people can still sign up and view the recorded version which should be available in a couple of days.

I am reminded almost daily how many students I've had.  It's a warm and fuzzy feeling, especially when they say how much I've helped them understand more about the craft.  It's what keeps me climbing back onto planes, shifting time zones, sleeping in many strange beds.

Recently, I counted how many of the US states I have been in.  Not for plane layovers, but actually took step out of the airport and stayed a while.

It was 30.  In October I'll add one more to the count.

I have been to 8 of the 10 provinces and none of the territories.  I hope one day to fix that.  :)

Last month I reached another birthday.  And counting.  There is a poster on Facebook that says something like - do not regret growing old.  It is a privilege denied to many.  Like my brother.  My father.  And now, in the senior years of my life...some of my friends.

The webinar is done.  I survived.  As a friend says, much nicer to say "I have done" rather than "I will do".  Now it's back to focusing on the up coming deadlines so that soon I can say I have done them, too.

My Friend, Fear

In our society we are taught to be afraid of feeling fear.  Fear is not something to be afraid of.  It is just an emotion.

Fear is actually good for us - to a certain extent.

Fear is what keeps us from doing foolish things - like crossing the street without looking right and left.  Or starting our car without fastening our seat belts.  Or checking what lies beyond the precipice before we leap.

Fear only becomes a problem when we don't take the next step.  The one that takes us a step back, analyses the situation and does a basic risk management.

So when I'm asked to speak to a large crowd, my ego says "whoa - that's risky!  What if they don't like what you have to say?  What if you botch the speech?  What if....they laugh at you!?"  At which point my analytical self says "so what if they do laugh at me?  I'll probably laugh at me, too!"

Fear only becomes an issue when that emotion blocks you from doing something you would actually like to do.  Something for which there is a slight risk of being seen as being a little bit silly, a little bit foolish.  When fear becomes paralysing, that is when we feel frozen and unable to act.

But when fear is just a way to asses a situation, think through what can go 'wrong' so that you can take steps to make sure you've covered the bases?  Then fear becomes a friend.  Fear also releases stress hormones that make you more alert.  We usually call this fear 'stage fright'.  And most people who do public speaking or performance of any kind take that fear, channel it into energy and use it to springboard into a lively presentation.

So it is with this webinar in the morning.  Yes, I am a little bit afraid I will stammer and verbally stumble.  I'm a little bit afraid that the technology will not work smoothly.

But! I have had not one but two rehearsals.  I think I can handle the technology on my end.  I'm pretty sure I can speak reasonably articulately about a topic I've done live several times in various formats.  My biggest fear right now?  That I won't cover the entire topic in the time allotted.  But I've got a clock right in front of my face, I know how many slides there are and I am pretty sure I can pace myself to cover everything I can in the 60 minutes.  The seminar won't be as extensive as a 3 hour format, but that's ok.  The webinar is just meant to be a 'taste', hopefully inspiring people to find out more.  Ultimately it is a way to guide people to greater knowledge.  Because when you don't know what you don't know....you don't know that you don't know it.

Just a reminder - if you can't take the webinar live tomorrow, you can still view it in the recorded version. You get 3 months to view it as often as you like from the time you register and I will take email questions at a later date.  Registration can be done at Weaving Today

And if you think it was a good seminar, worth taking?  I do hope you'll share that opinion with your friends.

Currently reading Possession by Kat Richardson - just realized it had been a while since I included the current book

Feel the Fear

and do it anyway.

That's the title of a book I've never read, but the title resonates throughout my being.

I have lived much of my life afraid.  Afraid of failure.  Afraid that people won't like me.  Afraid that I will make huge mistakes.  Or even just tiny ones.

The secret to living is to feel the fear and do it anyway.  So you fall flat on your face, so what?

There are very few mistakes in life - or in weaving - that are terminal.

Am I afraid that this new scarf line I've invested so much time and money into won't sell?

You betcha.

Am I afraid that, after spending all that money booking booths at various shows, I won't sell enough to cover the costs of doing the show?

Of course I am.

Do I worry about standing up in front of a crowd to speak?

Naturally.

But I do these things anyway.

I have published books that no 'real' publisher would have touched with a 20 foot barge pole.  Was I scared spitless?  Yes, indeed.

I have travelled far from home to give workshops, seminars and keynote addresses.  Written magazine articles and other publications.  Gone to conferences with a booth of yarns, textiles, books, hoping people would buy.

And always, there was a little niggling worm of doubt, a fearful spasm, a breath held until it went away.  Or at least retreated to the back of my mind instead of the forefront.

Wednesday I try something new and different.  That little niggling worm of doubt is alive and healthy.  But come 11 am Pacific Time I will go ahead and do it anyway.

 a field of flax in bloom - photo courtesy of Linda Heinrich - part of the A Good Yarn webinar http://weavingtoday.com

Warp Packing

From time to time I get emails from new weavers wondering what is going 'wrong' with their projects.  There are so many ways for things to be 'wrong' and sometimes it is a matter of scale

Many people use warp packing that is simply too weak for a longer warp.  While light weight paper or Venetian blinds work just fine for shorter warps, longer warps may exert too much force and the packing material simply cannot withstand the pressures.  When this happens the warp can start to spread, the beam becomes cigar shaped, the outside ends no longer roll on the same length/circumference as the middle of the warp and bad things can start to happen.

If you find yourself in this position there are two ways to deal with it.  If the difference in length of the outside ends and the middle ends isn't terribly great and you are weaving short items (tea towels, place mats) you can go ahead and begin weaving to see if the difference is going to make that much of an impact on the cloth.  A yarn with a certain amount of elasticity will cope with a slight difference in circumference and when it starts to impact the cloth you can just cut off, straighten the ends and re-tie.  This is much faster than the second option but may cause issues if you are trying to weave longer items (scarves, yardage).

If that is the case the only real option is to roll the warp forward and re-beam using a more sturdy type of warp packing.  Many people use sticks.  Unfortunately wood has become increasingly expensive and inserting individual sticks into a long warp takes time.  They often don't unload very well and you have to get up and go to the back of the loom to remove them or the weight of them building between the warp and the beam as they come out of the layers of warp can cause issues with advancing the warp.

Long time readers of this blog will know that my preferred warp packing is bamboo blinds with the hardware removed.  I leave the header on but remove all the metal bits and string for raising and lowering them.  The blind goes into the warp intact and simply rolls on as the warp goes round the beam.  The added benefit is that instead of inserting a dozen sticks I only add one blind and roll on.  Quite often they are also self-unloading as well.

I have 5 blinds which generally is sufficient for the up to 11 meter long warps I routinely beam.  Some of them are getting quite old in terms of number of times of use and I'm thinking I may need to replace some of them.  Generally buying one blind is cheaper than buying the number of sticks to put into a warp although sticks never need to be replaced.  But most people don't weave nearly as much as I do and therefore are unlikely to need to ever replace the blinds like I'm think I may need to do one of these days.

And last, a picture of some of the scarves cut off the loom since I got home.  Not a vanity shot because they still need their fringes twisted and to be wet finished.