Re-inventing

 

It seems I am re-inventing myself once more.

It was just 12 months ago that I was in the process of shutting my business down, curtailing my activities, preparing to 'retire'.

And now?

Now I have a calendar full of Zoom meetings.  Like I mean, literally full.  So full I had to go to Zoom yesterday and enter all of them so that I didn't double book myself.

But this is no different from other folk who have retired only to find themselves just as 'busy' - just that now they are busy doing other things than the daily grind.

I cannot say that I am now doing what I want, when I want.  I pretty much always have.  Sort of.  Paying the bills meant I took on work that didn't much appeal to me - except for the money that came in at the end of the job.  I was still weaving, and that was fine by me.

What I am bringing to my life now is a greater understanding of how I have abused my body and finding a better balance of continuing the physical aspects of weaving and the more, shall we say, cerebral?

12 months ago I thought the cerebral aspect would be more experimentation, more intellectual.  But I was (am) faced with a yarn stash that just doesn't seem to quit so I concentrated on weaving that down.  Forgetting how much yardage my stash represented.  It took literally over a year just to weave down the 2/16 cotton.  Granted I'm not weaving at the same pace as before, but still...

As I use up my yarn, other yarn comes to my attention.  So instead of starting on scarves, I am going to see if I can use up the cotton flake.  And some of the 2/8 cotton.  Today I will finish off the place mat warp on the Leclerc, then switch back to the Megado.  While I was able to weave on the Leclerc, I have to be careful when weaving something that needs a hard beat.  My body is telling me three place mat warps are enough, thankyouverymuch.  So, back to the Megado for a while.

I also have to make a decision about the electric spinning wheel.  I mean seriously, how much hand spun yarn do I want to add to my yarn stash?  What was I thinking?  I might instead just sell it off.  The local spinners and felters will no doubt be happy to buy my spinning fibre stash from me.

Except.  Except spinning keeps coming back into my life.  So I'm going to sit on that decision for a while.

In the meantime I'm going to be spending a lot more time at the computer.  I have a dozen Power Point presentations to build over the coming months.  Plus the recording/rendering/uploading of the meetings.

Plus I got an inquiry from Handwoven yesterday.  Something that I think I can handle.  But it has a deadline, too.

So.  Not 'retiring' so much as 're-inventing' it would appear...

On Deadlines

 

'Retirement' means a re-ordering, a shifting in priorities.  Retiring right before a pandemic was, in hindsight, a very good thing to do.  Having purposefully not crammed my calendar full of opportunities to earn money, I had instead taken a step back and not booked very much of anything.  No craft fairs, no guild teaching.  So when events started to be cancelled, it didn't affect me much at all - because I had booked very little.

'Retiring' comes in many flavours.  One person I know was going to retire from working in April.  Her big goal in retirement was to travel.  With the pandemic, that was not possible, so she didn't.  I spent most of the summer just doing what I had set out to do - try to weave down my yarn stash.

By the end of this year I will have used up, as much as I can, the 2/16 cotton.  The shelving unit that had been full to bursting - with more yarn in boxes - is now showing large gaps on the shelves.  

Don't get me wrong, I'm not out of yarn!  For the 2/16, there is enough yarn left for at least 3 more warps.  Maybe four if I decide to work with those reds and oranges.  I think I've come up with something bright and cheerful and which will use up some of that yarn.  But I'm low enough on the reds that I might do a 15 yard long warp, not 20.

My calendar for November is fairly full, given my level of energy these days (not much) and I am pleased to say that day one of the guild sale went reasonably well.  Whether or not that will continue over the course of the 6 weeks, no one can tell.

As for the seminar series, registration has begun.  I am hoping to see more as the first one nears.  There has been a great deal of distraction with elections and politics.  In many ways society needs to do better.  So much better.  

And of course, the pandemic.  What an 'interesting' year it has been - with more to come.

Next year looks to be more of the 'same' - political unrest, pandemic measures.  I will continue to stay home as much as possible.  Wear a mask when I go out.  Weave down my stash.

The current warp is taking longer than I hoped to get off the loom, in part because of the guild sale, but also needing to get ready for my Zoom presentation on Nov. 19 and a few boxes of Olds homework have come in.  Several students asked for extensions and they are now getting their boxes to me.  I'm pleased so see them come.

It is also time to go in to the cancer clinic for a check to see how I'm doing with that little challenge.  While not expecting anything dire, I wasn't expecting the diagnosis in 2011 in the first place, so...

But as for deadlines, most of them these days are 'soft' or self-imposed.  I decided to do the guild program because I could do it from home.  But it has meant dealing with technology.  Today I'll do a practice Zoom run, try to figure out how it all works.  It will also give me a chance to know ahead of time what our speakers will be dealing with for the seminar series.  That way I can maybe anticipate what they will need from me/us.  

I also agreed to do something for another guild in the spring.  I need to sort out details for that - date, times, numbers.  

But my appetite for elephants is waning.  My energy is thin.  My self-imposed and accepted deadlines will become more flexible in the future, I think.  The number of plates I can keep spinning diminishes every year.  So I am easing into 'retirement', choosing smaller elephants.  Chomp, chomp.

Currently reading Song for a Dark Time by Ian Rankin

Making Changes

Since Life Goes On, one way or another, so changes continue in the studio.

For decades, I wound bobbins by standing up at a counter.  Unfortunately that wasn't the best posture and with my current body issues, I was finding standing to wind bobbins less and less comfortable.

The other day Doug cleared the cone winder out of the other end of the studio and I had a chance to do some rearranging.  Again.

Last night I moved a small folding wooden table into that corner and set up the bobbin winder and a chair so that I could sit while winding.  The table is not very large, but big enough I can put a small box with the pirns that needed emptying, plus the small plastic box with the empty plastic bobbins.  There is an overhead lamp (out of frame) so the fact I am sitting with my back to the window and the room's central light means I still get good light in the work area.

Since I sit so much at the looms, I have always tried to do other tasks standing.  More and more, my body is objecting to standing for any length of time, especially in awkward postures.  So far warp winding is ok, but standing to serge things and wind bobbins was really beginning to hurt. 

With the goal of being able to continue weaving for as long as possible, I need to start thinking about ergonomics, more than ever. 

If it means sitting more?  I can do that.  If I have to stand, I will have to do those jobs in smaller chunks.

'Acceptance' does not mean capitulation.  It means figuring out what my new 'normal' is and working within that.  Sometimes you can't fix what is wrong, you just have to figure out work arounds.

And onwards we go...

And it Goes On

currently ignoring this tower of boxes with who-knows-what in them

starting on another tea towel warp planning - colours are not 'true' but close

When I talk about retiring I am not talking about not weaving.  I retired from production weaving for sale.  This allowed me to close my business, get out from under the obligations to collect/remit/report on taxes.  It also deprived me of the deduction of expenses from income.  As such, downsizing and reducing my business financial responsibilities has had to be juggled, hopefully to equal (or nearly equal) my new reduced income.  That income will primarily come from teaching and writing.  Also the Ko-fi account along with other measures that I have undertaken.

My woven inventory will continue to be available for purchase locally through consignment shops.  As a hobbyist, I'm not marketing my products on line through Etsy or other retail sites.  

As I sort through boxes and discover things like the kit booklets, I am trying to sell them rather than just dump them into the recycle bin.

My focus right now is to use up as much of the yarn currently wound onto pirns as possible because I promised delivery in April.  I won't get them all cleared off, but enough that I can ship what I have cleared and promise the rest to come at a later date.

I still have boxes that I haven't been able to face diving into, hence the tower of boxes beside the Leclerc.  I'm not currently weaving on it while I focus on tea towels and using up the 2/16 cotton on pirns.  But I do have a place mat warp wound, ready to go into the Leclerc when I feel able to weave on it again.

My pain treatments have been going well.  But I don't feel up to weaving aerobically - yet.  Stressing the muscles I'm working at trying to heal seems counter productive.  OTOH, I don't get up to any kind of aerobic level of activity on the Megado, so I'm just writing this all off to down time and weaving as mental therapy as much as anything.  

The other benefit to the Megado is that I can see myself continuing to weave on it well into old(er) age, because it takes less physical effort to weave on.

Spring break up came early and lingers.  That means roads are a mess, rutted ice on residential streets, puddles, mud and dirt on the rest.  As I ride the recovery roller coaster, I look outside and wait for actual spring so I can begin walking again.  I walked (and wove) my way to recovery after by-pass surgery, and I plan on doing that again as soon as the weather and road conditions allow.

Yesterday I only managed one tea towel, in part because of a late start to the day.  Today I'm moving earlier so I'm going to go for two towels today.  I am over the half way mark on the current warp.  I have a blue/grey warp ready to go as soon as this one comes off the loom.  And the above blue/green will likely go into the loom next.  There will also be an all white warp in order to use up the white linen at some point.  Still trying to decide on a design for that one, most likely twill blocks for a white on white more formal look.  (Snails Trails and Cats Paws?  Possibly)

The next two will be some kind of fancy twill variation.  I think I have settled on the next one, just need to crunch the threading - some kind of undulating line.

But first?  I need to finish the warp currently on the loom.  As for the boxes?  They are patient.  They will wait until I'm ready to deal with them.

Endings

Endings.  Can be traumatic.  Can be therapeutic.  Can be joyous.

Today saw some endings.  One huge, one little.

Little one was finishing the above towels.  I called this design waterlilies, partly because it sort of, kind of, reminded me of Monet's paintings of waterlilies.  Same sort of colours, same sort of shapes.  Inspiration can come from anywhere, be adjusted to fit your needs.  So they don't really look anything like waterlilies, to be honest, but that's what the design reminded me of and I needed a name to save the file to Fiberworks, so waterlilies it became. 

I have rather a lot of files in Fiberworks and sometimes naming them becomes a challenge.

Last night I finished hemming them, and life being Life, I never did make it to the loom today.  But I had a chunk of time before and after an appointment so I pressed the previous towels, the beige/peach/brown ones prior to heading to town for the second time today.  When I got back I could have gone to the loom but decided I needed a snack (an orange, because I suddenly find myself wanting oranges) and by the time I finished eating it and fiddling with puzzle pieces, it was too late in the day to weave.  However, there was another chunk of time so these got pressed as well. 

So satisfying to finish, finish them.  Both designs.

While I pressed I thought about retirement from doing shows, reduction of income, still having way too much inventory, with more coming down the pipeline.  Now that I'm beginning to feel better, I'm getting to the loom more regularly, and things are starting to get made again.

What to do with it? 

Because the other, *big* thing I did today was go to the insurance agent and discontinue the coverage on the annex.  As part of that I had done a quick inventory - to make sure I still had enough coverage of the stuff that now resides back here, instead of over there.

It was quite satisfying to go through the studio and do a quick count of things, then add it up.  To a rather sobering total, again being perfectly honest.  More - much more - than would ever be covered under a standard home owners policy. 

However, when I sat down to talk to the agent, she pointed out that between the two locations, I actually had had more coverage than my current total and expressed surprise - did I not still have All The Things?  No, I hastened to assure her, we'd gotten rid of a LOT of things - production equipment, selling down inventory, using up yarn stash.

We discussed what I should continue to have, like some liability on top of our standard home owners policy, raise the contents to cover the actual inventory I'd done, which wasn't actually much given we'd gotten rid of so much stuff here, and then I asked about the van insurance, for which I have business coverage.  Since I'm still driving to Olds to teach with a van load of teaching stuff, she recommended I continue carrying that.

But this policy was renewed in November, we moved out of the annex before the end of February, and I should be getting a refund on the policy.  Which will give me some money back.

OTOH, the van insurance needs renewing in May, I think, plus other obligations I intend to keep covering.  And I still don't know exactly how our finances are going to be with the closure of my business.

Only one more thing to make the closure of my business final - my year end and filing taxes based on my final year of being in business.

So while I pressed I thought about what to do with the inventory I still have, and will be making. 

Most of my sales will be on consignment through local resellers.  But I also sell some things into the US.  With 10 times the population of Canada, frequently any sales I ran wound up being 10 times greater than anything I sold in Canada.

After opening my ko-fi account, I routinely get a message from them suggesting I upgrade to their Gold account.  It requires a small monthly fee, but they don't take any percentage from anything anyone donates.  If I have a Gold account, I can change the amount someone gives.  It looks like I could actually offer a monthly sale.  Such as Towel of the Month.  Goodness knows I have towels.  With lots more to come.

After pressing another 3 dozen towels today, adding those piles to what is already sitting on the shelves, I'm thinking I need to upgrade to a Gold ko-fi and see if people are interested in a Towel of the Month 'club'.

Stay tuned.

One by One

Now that the two local Intro to Weaving workshops are over, it is time to work on The Next Thing.

That is the level four (and two) Olds classes in Cape Breton the end of April, beginning of May.  I got the manuals a few weeks ago, but for me retirement means focusing on one thing at a time, not trying to juggle six.  So I concentrated on the local workshops and now that they are out of the way, it is time to look at the level four manual and work out a lesson plan.

Doug is nearly moved out of the annex, so shutting down my business is nearly complete.  I still have to go deal with the insurance for the studio.  Not having a separate space, not driving long distances to do shows, I can adjust how much insurance I actually need now.  Which means that sometime before my appointment next week I also need to do an estimated inventory.

With every inch of available wall space converted to shelving, I can more easily set out my yarn so that what I have can be seen, not dumped in boxes where it remains anonymous until I dig it out.  There is something rather pleasing about the yarn neatly lined up, tempting me to work with it.  :)

This week will be 'light' duties for a few days as I go in for my next pain treatment this morning.  A good time to look at the manual, take a note pad to the studio and crunch numbers. 

Yesterday I wove the first tea towel on the current warp.  Since it is being woven 'up-side-down' it is hard to see how it looks.  I'm using warp and weft yarns of very similar hue and value, so until I can get it off the loom I won't really know how successful I have been.  However, the yarn needs using up, they are tea towels and will dry dishes regardless. 

I am also weaving a small sample for another weaver on a borrowed loom.  That won't take long - I just need to do it.  Hopefully Thursday evening at guild drop in.  I have no room here currently to work on it so left it at the guild room.

There are also things simmering in the back of my mind - I'm seriously thinking of plying some of Ingrid's extremely fine silk so that I can see it to weave with it.  Plying will take forever - because THIN!  But I'm retired.  I can do things that take all sorts of time.  :)

Yesterday we had a lovely sunny day - today is overcast.  The sky is white, the ground is (mostly) white.  It's a very bland sort of day, but beautiful in its way.  And February is almost over, spring isn't far away.  The seasons cycle through and onwards we go...

Change One Thing

beaming the warp for the next project

still some 'goat' trails

With my retirement from production weaving and selling my work, the move out of the annex, the disbursement of production equipment, there have been many, many changes in my life and my work space.

With the acquisition of someone's silk yarn 'estate', space had to be made for the seven (!) boxes of yarn, much of it extremely fine.  

Moving everything from the annex back to here meant gigantic upheavals, daily, as my studio got snowglobed and things got put where ever they would fit.

Doug is in the final stage of finally (finally!) moving the last things out of the annex and pretty much everything that needed to come here, is here.

One wall of the laundry area was turned into a gigantic wall of shelving.  There are bins of spinning, lace and teaching stuff there along with all my finished inventory (what is left) and the goal is to clear all those bins out from there and put them...somewhere else...and then what isn't finished inventory will be pantry.

Our house is modest and one of the things that has made living - and running a business - in this house challenging is the lack of space.

People don't realize that in order to be 'organized' you need to have the space/room to do that.

For about 40 years I have had goat trails in the studio as the boxes of yarn and such were stacked here and there.  Not to mention I wasn't just weaving, but teaching, spinning (at times), lace making, knitting, writing, self-publishing small run publications - and not so small run.  I not only wrote it, I - and Doug (and various family and friends) - assembled and shipped it.  So, shipping boxes, labels, unsold copies - all had to be stored somewhere.  Which is where the annex came in, for a while.

The top photo is the Megado.  Changing the AVL (60" weaving width with fly shuttles, two beams, air assist et al) to the smaller footprint Megado helped enormously as it freed up quite a bit of space.  Every inch of wall space that could be was converted to more shelving.

My goal was to be able to see my stash so I knew what I had in order to use it up.  We have done fairly well in the main area of the studio, but there are still some piles of rubble - things I'm not quite ready to get rid of, things that haven't yet found a home while Doug keeps trying to get them into the hands of people who might want them, teaching things I desperately need to sort through and decide if they are applicable to the Olds program - or not.  And if not, what do I do with them?  I also want to get back to spinning, but just haven't found the right time/place/motivation/energy.  And then there is the lace.  

Since December I have mostly been making a serious effort to become friends with the Megado.  Mostly we are.  But it is a different loom, engineered differently, and requires a different approach to things.  In the end I kept the AVL tension box and had Doug mount the tension box rail to the loom.  I looked at the Megado tension box and kept balking at actually using it.

So yes, holes were drilled.  It's a tool, it needs to work the way I want it to.  Or as closely as I can make it.

Am I happy I bought the Megado?  Let's say that at this point it was the correct decision.  There are things about it that I wish it had - like auto-cloth advance - but it doesn't so...

Do I wish I could weave faster on it?  Yes, but it won't go faster than it will go, so I must adjust to it.

Do I like that it is quieter?  Yes.  I also like the fact that much less physical effort is required to weave on it.  But it is still noisy enough when the solenoids activate that I will continue to wear hearing protection - because I already have documented hearing loss and would like to keep what is left.

I wish it had a bigger circumference warp beam, but Doug and I looked carefully at it and the loom is so tightly engineered I decided I would just have to get used to the smaller diameter.  And in the end, a 20 yard long warp is plenty.  I am no longer a production weaver, I am a retired production weaver.

So what does retirement mean for me?

Mostly it means not having critical deadlines by which time product must be ready to be sold.  It means no longer doing business tasks such as balancing books, collecting and remitting sales taxes.  It means not having to juggle multiple deadlines daily.

It means sitting in the sun soaking up the sunlight.  Making jigsaw puzzles.  (Still not reading much - my brain still feels incapable of absorbing much - even though I have stacks of books I do want to read.  And will.  Eventually.)

It means not beating myself up when the energy drains out of me and I don't feel like doing anything in the studio.

It means I am learning how to focus on what is important to me - and what isn't.

At the weekend I led an Intro to Weaving class and it was a delightful group of six who got that they needed to understand principles, gain knowledge, practice their physical skills mindfully.  I am hopeful they will continue, but mastering weaving is a lifelong pursuit.

Learning how when you change one thing...everything can change...

In Praise of 'Routine'

I like 'routine'.

I like having a certain structure to my days.  I like having a schedule to keep.  Or not.  My choice, but having that structure gives me something to work towards.  Routine defines my goals and deadlines.

Being someone who is highly self-motivated, I jumped into the life of a professional weaver with enthusiasm.  In the late 1970s it was assumed that if you were a woman and worked at home, you were available for any beck and call on your time.  I had to become very protective of my time.  I had learned early that we only get so much time on this earth and best to not squander it.

So I had a work schedule and I tended to stick pretty closely to it and any exceptions to my work getting done had to be caught up later.   There was no one but me to do it.

Some people made fun of me because I routinely turned out the light at midnight and would get up with the alarm at 9 am.  They would give me a bad time for being a 'sleepy head' and sleeping in so late.  Every time one friend would do that, I would ask her what time she went to bed in order to be up at 5 am?  Because I was still working at 11 pm.

She had her routine, I had mine.

And that's the thing about being self-employed.  We get to set our own schedules, craft our own routines.

Retirement has, for the most part, been an exercise in finding the 'routine' of being retired.  Of getting comfortable with a much reduced level of productivity.

My mornings were always my quiet time.  I'm slow to wake up, slow to get moving.  So my retirement routine of sitting in the easy chair in the window is not much different from my old routine.  What is new is that generally I'm done in the studio by 4 and I may only get to the loom once or twice instead of three or four times.  Or not at all.

The Megado is also slower to weave on than the AVL so while I am weaving, it's at a slower pace.

However, since I am supposed to be 'retired' much of the adjustment has been me, learning how to get comfortable at the new pace, in the new routine.

Tuesday I had the fourth pain treatment.  Today I woke up with minimal pain, even after weaving two towels yesterday.  Now that my pain levels are going down, I realize just how much pain I have lived with for - well - all of my life.  Injuries contributed to pain levels (two whiplash injuries) but also repetitive stress.  The final straw was the adverse effects of the cancer medication and then finding out there were local doctors doing something about muscle pain.  Two people I knew had had the treatments and urged me to try it.  Since beginning I've encountered two others also taking this treatment.

It is NOT for everyone.  You definitely need to be able to handle pain because it is very much a short term pain, long term gain scenario.  It's called 'needling' and I'm getting the dry version - just the mechanical breaking of the fibrous material in the muscles preventing them from functioning properly.  There is also a version where a saline solution is injected.

No it is not like acupuncture.  I've had acupuncture and that doesn't hurt.  This hurts.  But I am willing to go through it because even after the first treatment there was improvement.  After the fourth, I am feeling remarkably better.

I may never be pain free - I have too many other things going on in my body to hope for that.  But I no longer feel crushed by the pain, all of the enjoyment of life squeezed out of me.

And I have hope that I can continue to weave, even on into retirement and yes, 'old' age.  How much longer I will teach I have no idea.  With an overall reduction in pain, I might carry on for that long ago envisioned age 75.

Speaking of teaching, if you missed the announcement, I will be returning to Cape Breton to teach level four and two the end of April, beginning of May, and have agreed to teach level one at Olds College Fibre Week.

Even if someone only takes level one, that level alone is well worth the class (yes, in my not-so-humble opinion).

The program is not a learning how to weave class - they offer a beginning weaving workshop as a prequel to the master weaving course.  But it is a how to weave better program.  It delves into the principles of the craft, encourages analytical thinking, and problem solving.

People sometimes say they would love to learn from me.  Olds Fibre Week, June 21-25.  And if you can't make the class, think about buying my book The Intentional Weaver.  One of the reasons I am so supportive of the Olds program is that it covers many of the things I have been ranting about since, well, feels like forever.  

Winter Storm

The photo doesn't show what is going on.  We are in the midst of 'blizzard' conditions (there are parameters for a storm to qualify for blizzard and I'm not sure this one actually does - but close enough!)  The wind is gusting hard enough the flag on the house across the street is horizontal and the snow is sticking to the windows in blobs.

And I have to go out today.

Fortunately I don't have to go far, just a short drive away.  My usual is to park in the shopping mall below and walk up the hill to the clinic, but today I'm going to pay for parking so that I'm not walking in...this.

We are no stranger to winter storms.  This isn't particularly unusual - just not very welcome.  I'm grateful I'm not headed out on a teaching trip in this weather, not just because it is bad here, but there are reports of heavy rain in the Vancouver/Seattle area and flooding.  Driving would be treacherous and flying iffy.

Yesterday my Ashford dealership was closed and one more step taken to divest myself of business obligations.  Doug is making progress on taking Puff apart in preparation to (hopefully) ship it to a new home.  Transport still needs to be arranged and an international border is in the way so things might get complex.

Not my problem and I'm doing my best to stay out of it.

Yesterday I managed to weave one towel and may not get to the loom today.  Will see how I feel after the treatment.  There are other things I could be doing, such as printing out and doing a proof read of the article I'll be submitting and the op-ed.  I'm not supposed to sit/stay still for more than 15 minutes and I'm sure there are light duty things I could be doing, such as pressing the burgundy mats I finished hemming last night.  And clearing up the yarn from the last warp so I can begin working on the next.  I could generate the threading, too.

And there is the puzzle.  It's another one with very close value/hue changes and it's being a challenge.  I'm glad it's only 500 pieces!

Every day is an opportunity.  When all I want to do is hunker down and do nothing, it becomes a challenge to get up, get dressed, get going.  But I now have a cast iron round tuit, so there is nothing that can hold me back!

Seasons

Today we have had a lovely sunny day.  The photo was taken before 10 am and you can tell from the long shadows just how low in the sky the sun is, this time of year.

There is more winter weather in the forecast, but we got this lovely gift of a blue sky and brilliant sunshine to lift spirits.

About this time of year, some people start feeling trapped or depressed.  We had a rather long spell of brutally cold weather (for us) following a pretty large dump of snow.  For a while we were like lab rats in a maze, carefully poking noses out into the street to check for on coming traffic before venturing further.

On the days where the sky is socked in with ice fog or just very low hanging clouds, or even more snow/sleet, just getting out of the house becomes difficult.  Fortunately I haven't much going on right now and I took a bunch of 'snow' days and just stayed in.

Tomorrow I go for my next pain treatment.  I think things are improving - the pain levels are certainly less, and that is a blessing!  But I still do have pain.  It's just moving around.  My 'usual' body parts seem to be healing, but now other bits that I hadn't realized were so compromised are waving their hands, 'do me next!'.  Or something like.

I still have little energy and this morning I dropped off a knitting machine to someone who offered to buy it for a small donation to the guild, then met a friend where we had a very long coffee visit and talked each other's ear off.  It was 1:30 before I got home and ate my lunch.  Now it's nearly 2:30 and while I have changed into weaving clothing, I've yet to find the energy to head down the stairs.

However, sitting in the sun soaking up some sunshine has helped and I know if I can just get to the loom I will actually feel better - physically and mentally.

Dinner will be leftovers so I don't even have to cook (as such).  Doug and his helper are in the final stages of dismantling Puff and getting things onto palettes.  We are hoping to hear if the potential buyer can arrange shipping and complete the purchase. I'm hoping that it moves on to whatever comes next for it because I'd like to cancel the insurance on the annex and get rid of that expense.

I'm hoping that the next pain treatment won't be too extreme and that my light duty days will be just a few instead of the better part of two weeks.  I'm hoping that the third treatment was the biggest hump and that the 'worst' is over.  I'm willing to have a little pain for long term gain, but the past three weeks was challenging.  Well, two of the weeks.  I seemed to cross a threshold after two weeks.  Given that is the case, I will continue on the three week interval. 

It has also become pretty obvious how many of my usual activities/tasks set off pain.  Another reminder that retiring from production weaving was a good decision. 

Currently reading Gods and Robots by Adrienne Mayor

Musings

dreaming of spring

We have another dreary day with weather warnings of snowmagedon to come.

The house feels very quiet as Mary left yesterday.  No distractions now, time to think about what comes 'next'.  With retirement from production sales, I am still working through how to shape my days and what my priorities will be.  Thinking about how much longer I will teach. 

Just...thinking...about this and that.  Not coming to much in the way of conclusions, but that's ok, the thought pot can simmer on the back burner for a while longer.  Sometimes you just have to wait until things arrange themselves and reveal what possibilities there are.  I'm a great believer that when the time is right, it will show itself.  And then I have a focus to direct my energy towards. 

Yesterday was pretty much a rest day.  I had been having quite a lot of pain from the treatment, with the next coming up on Tuesday.  I was leery about the next until suddenly the pain diminished a lot.  Mostly I am still hopeful because the pain has changed in nature and somehow that feels hopeful. 

I have also talked to someone who has a spouse also getting the same type of treatment and it seems what I am going through is pretty typical.  Let's just say things seem to be getting better enough I am willing to continue in hopes of further improvement.

When you aren't feeling well, you pare back on what you do, draw in the horizon, hunker down.  The longer you feel poorly, the harder and harder it is to push against that shrinking.  The less energy you have, the less inclined you are to make the effort to get out, attend meetings, go to social events. 

Now that I'm feeling better I am beginning to look outward more.  Anticipating some travel, especially if the classes go ahead.  But also Convergence in July, where I won't be teaching, just drinking in the experience, and hopefully connecting with some far flung weavers.

But more importantly, there are two weaving classes here to prepare for.  So I have a to-be-done list, goals that seem important to me, and today I will begin working on that.

I will also do some errands because the weather forecast is for 'winter' weather.  Mary left just in time.

Charting a New Course

The photo is of the tapestry I wove as part of the level four Guild of Canadian Weavers master weaver certificate.

For many years I have used the image of a butterfly as a personal icon.  In many societies, the butterfly is used to represent change, growth, development.

The warp was linen, the background a wool/silk blend (if I remember correctly - the tapestry is put away...somewhere...) and the warp was used doubled for the background, but singly for the butterfly which was woven with silk, in order to get greater detail.  All the yarns were dyed by me.

Since I am not an artist of the drawing kind, I chose to go with a rather 'naive' style of imagery.

After last year with the book launch, conference, shutting down my business, I feel as though once again I am in the process of metamorphosis, changing from one flavour of weaver to another.

I feel as though I am still in the 'soup' stage of changing, not quite sure what I will be when it is all done, not quite sure how or where I will be in a years time.

Change can be painful, difficult, challenging.  So it has been as I try to work out what comes next.

There is an observation that doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result, is a kind of delusion.  There have been times I have used that approach and pretty much proven the statement.  It was only when I stepped back and then tried something different that I was able to get a different result.

And so, when the wheels seemed to be falling off my 'wagon' again, I knew intellectually that I needed to chart a different course.  Take a different road.  Try something different.  Even though I didn't really want to.

So I struggled.  I did.  I won't pretend that the past few months have been anything but challenging and uncomfortable.

I am not 'there' yet.  But I am changing.  And I am beginning to feel more comfortable about what I chose to do, the different path I set my feet onto.  The burdens are being set down and I am moving on.

During my years as a weaver I have learned many things.  I have begun to see why weaving/textiles have been used in so many fairy tales, which are all morality tales when you look beyond the obvious.  A thread runs through them.  A thread that society of the time fully understood and could relate to.  One that remains in our DNA, I am quite sure.

It is one reason I continue to write about textiles and teach it as much as I can.  Because learning how to create cloth can be a powerful lesson for how to live life.  

Ticking Boxes

Continuing to tick boxes on my journey to retirement. 

The cold 'snap' is over, the temps have warmed up...to minus 23 when I got up this morning.   Felt positively balmy when I went out this morning!  :D

This week broke record low temperatures for our town.  Talking to someone this morning, he mentioned having cabin fever.  I told him I was content to look out the window, see the glorious sunshine we had, note the temperature, and curl up inside.  A form of hibernation - because I felt no urge to do much of anything other than just make it through the day.

However, I did get the two boxes of Olds homework marked, the marks submitted to the college, and one box is on its way back to the student.  The other will wait until I hear when she is back in Canada from her adventure and if she wants it returned immediately or is willing to wait until June and pick it up at the college, saving the postage. 

My company arrives tomorrow and we have class prep to do so most of what I have been working on will be set aside while she is here.  If there is time she wants to dive into my rayon chenille stash and make a scarf.  Or two. 

I am hoping to finish the silk warp by tomorrow and start writing up my notes.  They will have to be fringe twisted and wet finished, but the deadline is March 8 so if I can get them woven, I can easily make that.  (She says, perhaps over confidently!)

The next warp on the Megado will be another tea towel warp.  I still have a large cone of singles linen to use up and I pulled the yarn for the warp last autumn.  All I have to do is clear the Megado off and get the next warp beamed. 

And figure out how I'm going to thread it! 

We are nearly out of the annex but the super cold weather has caused delays on that.  Nothing to be done for it except get through it. 

The really nice thing is that the daylight hours are getting noticeably longer.  As quickly as it goes, it comes back. 

In the meantime, it is back to ticking boxes.  And that means weaving the silk.  I'm excited to see if the treadling is going to look as I hope it will.  After lunch I will be jumping right on that.  This is what keeps me weaving - having a vision, not knowing how close I can come to making it come into material form (pun intended!)

It's a Journey

This morning I met with my accountant who helped me chart out the next steps in retiring.

Notification has been sent to both taxation arms that my account is closed because my business is.  We also discussed what needs to happen in order to file my income tax for 2019 and she has my books to balance (better her than me!)

The weather has warmed up (for certain values of 'warm') and since we both have errands to run, I am grateful.

Yesterday I marked two boxes of homework and this afternoon will return one.  The other student is on an adventure and not home, so I will wait until she is back and see if she wants her stuff now or is happy to save the shipping and pick it up from me at Olds.  Given the level one class fills.

The college has also been in touch about a satellite class, but may not contact me until the cut off date to confirm.  Or may choose someone else.  There is a roster.  :)

And that is all part of celebrating the class - watching some of the first students complete their final level and be taken on as teachers to help perpetuate the knowledge.

I told a friend a couple of years ago that I want to teach myself out of a job.  Because that is what needs to happen.  We need to keep growing our base of informed instructors, instructors who can look at the craft as a whole, convey principles, encourage analytical thought and ergonomic practices.

When I see a photo of someone on line sitting far too low I worry about their backs, their shoulders.  When I see people with warping boards mounted too high for comfortable working, I worry about their shoulders and necks.  Thumbs down?  Not good. 

So I hope to continue to teach for Olds for a few more years, as long as I can make the journey and hold up under the intense 5 day class.  While it may feel to the students as though they are trying to drink from a fire hose, I am the one directing that stream of information.  And it is just as exhausting for me to oversee the students, make sure they are understanding, make sure that people with diverse backgrounds and wildly different levels of experience either don't fall behind, or don't become bored because they already know all this stuff.

On the other hand, it is immensely satisfying to get the boxes of homework, read the letters they frequently include outlining their journey and how much they have learned and how excited they are to learn more.  They may continue with the program, or take the level one information and build on that, in their own way, in their own time.

But it's all good.  And I am delighted to be the level one teacher at Olds again this year.  Retirement does not mean not doing anything, but not doing what no longer felt right or healthy.  Today I took a couple more steps towards that goal.  By February, I should be pretty much done with closing down the business end of my life and able to focus on what comes next.

Self Care

Create Joy is what the textile says.

Today is a day 'off' for both of us.  We each have health related things to do plus when I got up at 8 am the little weather 'station' we have that reads outside temps said it was -31 C.  At that temperature nose hair freezes and frost bite is not far away.  Instead of parking in the shopping mall and walking up the hill to the clinic, I will be paying for parking.  :-/

But I am pleased to note that the pain treatments I have been getting appear to be improving my quality of life.  The chronic, crushing, pain is less.  I have more energy and the desire to get things done is being transformed into actually getting stuff done. 

Yesterday I finished weaving the first silk scarf and while it isn't quite what I had imagined (yes I see images in my mind when I think of them) it is Good Enough.  For me.  If it is Good Enough for publication, we will see.

I even managed to finally settle on a design for scarf #2 and went so far as to generate the liftplan.  I won't be weaving today, but if I feel up to it I can begin tomorrow.  If I have the energy after the treatment I will wind my bobbins and get them into the humidor, and maybe even wind one more place mat warp.  I will most likely also begin writing up my notes for the article, if my brain is clear enough.

But for today, the primary focus will be self care.  I want to enjoy my 'retirement'.  I want to create joy.  As best I can.

Extreme Cold

This week winter has arrived with a crunch - so to speak.

We have 'extreme' cold warnings and the temperature is forecast to dip well into the minus 30s.  C.

However, since C and F converge at -40, just understand that it's cold.

Temperatures of this degree are not unusual for us.  What is unusual is how seldom they have arrived the past few years. 

Doug and his helper are going to do some work in Doug's workshop, which is going to be cold work.  It has heat, but he uses it sparingly.  Yesterday they spent hours at the annex, in unheated parts of the building, pulling wire.  But that is done, and one more step along the way to moving out of the annex is accomplished.

I have no appointments to deal with today, so I am going to see if I can finish weaving the first scarf on the Megado.  And enjoy the sunshine - the gift we get when it gets really cold.  One of the reasons it is cold is that there is no cloud cover and so we have brilliant sunshine reflecting off of the fresh snow and it is truly beautiful.  As long as you can, like me, see it from the comfort of a warm place.

I hope all the people who need it have found safe shelter, that those who don't need to go out, don't, and for those that do?  Safe journey to where you are going.

Final Throes

We called it Puff.  It served us well, pressing hundreds of yards of textiles in the time we had it.  We are still hoping to find a new home for it, but things have gotten complicated.  As in...the weather.

Suddenly it's winter and it's wintering hard.  First we (the entire province almost) got slammed with one long winter snow storm.  Roads were closed.  Avalanche mitigation was done, closing more roads.  We now have a respectable amount of snow cover which allays some fears of not having enough snow pack in the mountains to get us through the summer.

And now it's getting cold.  As in harsh cold.  At this moment it is minus 20C.  The forecast is predicting temps down even further as the week progresses as in the minus 30C range.  (F and C converge at -40)

And today Doug and his helper go pull wire.

When Puff was installed, there was no heavy duty electrical panel and the boiler needed one to run.  So we bought one and hired an electrician to hook it up.  However, it meant running a heavy duty wire from the big box up into our room.  Since we bought and paid for that, and the landlord has assured us he doesn't want it, Doug is removing it and will try to find a local buyer.

But some of the places the wire runs is in unheated areas.  So the guys are dressing warmly and will take breaks to prevent frost bite.  Working in heavy gloves/mitts will be a challenge and so the whole job may take all day as they may need to go warm up.  Repeatedly.

In the meantime I continue to work on weaving.  I pressed a run of place mats on the little press and need to contact the person who wants them that they are now ready.  I finished weaving the burgundy mats and need to wet finish them.

But I also finished dressing the Megado with the silk warp, filled bobbins and stored them in a humidor.  Because with the drop in temperature, the relative humidity also drops and the new humidifier is having a tough time keeping the relative humidity high enough for weaving with something like silk that tends to generate static electricity.  And I want/need to keep the computer assisted dobby happy.

But I'm anxious/excited about getting started on that warp this morning.  The first scarf will be the 'easy' one - intended for publication it will be a four shaft version.  The next one, intended as a gift, I will get to play around a bit.  Fun times!

Tortoise/Hare

There is a meme I've seen on Facebook that says something to the effect that so far 'your ability to survive a bad day is 100%'

Or words to that effect.

Today is a difficult day.  For a number of reasons.  We all have them.  Some have them more frequently than others.  Some have worse days than others. 

There is an old proverb that says that if everyone gathered in a circle and tossed their problems into the middle and were allowed to select one to take out?  We would reach for the one we threw in.  The devil you know, and all that...

So it is with me at the minute.  I am so tired of the business shut down.  The moving out of the annex.  The constant snow globing of the studio.

Late last night Doug put the last shelving unit back to together.  When he asked where it would go, my response was...an expression of frustration.  I am tired of making decisions.  Tired of tweaking.  Tired.

I want it done, and I want it done now.

Well, obviously that isn't going to happen.  Things will take place in their time.  Next week is the appointment with my accountant, which should clarify a few things and let me know how to properly shut down business tax reporting accounts.  That will be a big step towards closure.

Doug is doing prep work on the steam press disassembly but the potential buyer wants to help take the system apart so he is leaving the actual press and working on the electrical and venting, leaving the press until we find out more about the purchase.  And then the weather.  We have had snow storms, dumping large amounts of snow on the mountain slopes and today the highways are closed as they do avalanche mitigation.  So even if they were prepared to come, the roads are closed.

Next week the temps are supposed to drop to 'normal' winter temps.  IOW minus 20C.  That means the road conditions should improve, but the cold will make things more difficult.

So while I would love to race to the finish like the hare, I will have to make like the tortoise and keep plodding.

At least there is no snow here today.  A welcome respite which will allow road crews to clear pathways. 

This too shall pass...

Patience, Grasshopper

Lots of reflecting going on in my life right now.  Here is Mary, standing in a beam of sun, her hair aglow.

This was an emotional day for me.   We were both on a quest, testing ourselves to see if our activity horizons were actually expanding.  I was about 5 months post op from triple by-pass surgery.  We tackled walking up the boardwalk trail in the Ancient Forest.  This stretch had rough ground, and I chose not to go to the little bridge, but got to see Mary triumph.

Life is not a straight line of progression.  There are plenty of detours, rough ground, pot holes.  In this case you can also see the devil's club which covers the ground of the forest.  Surely an apt metaphor for the journey through life we each take.

I feel like I am nearly at the 'top' of this hike through closing down my business.  So close, yet significant things still to be done.  So, not quite there, but within reach.

Yesterday I rearranged the Megado end of the studio so the last shelving unit could be installed, but Doug and his helper spent the day dealing with the electrical and vent pipes of the boiler.  I'm hoping the shelving can come over today so I can put that end of the studio back into shape so I can beam the silk warp and get started on that.

In the meantime I do have the Leclerc Fanny and the burgundy mat warp that was beamed yesterday.  I can thread/sley it this afternoon, maybe get started on weaving it.

My goal was to be done with the shutting down by the end of December.  Then realized that was unrealistic, and extended that to the end of January.  Now we may need to extend that a little bit further as winter weather is not co-operating with us.

The ramp to the annex loading dock is very steep and right now it is extremely icy.  So much so that the truck to remove Puff may not be able to safely navigate it.  However the weather forecast says it will get a lot colder next week and with the colder temps and no snow falling, road conditions may improve.

Time will tell.

In the meantime, I grit my teeth and try to stay focused on what I can do, not on what I wish would happen.

Winding Down

More steps towards closing down my business.

Yesterday Doug went pressing one last time, then started taking the heavy duty wiring apart in preparation for disassembling Puff.  I will really miss the ease of hard pressing my textiles, but on the other hand, I used a small flat bed press for about 20 years before acquiring Puff, but with my new reduced production as a hobby weaver, I am really really glad I kept the small press.

Mine is an Elna, but Singer and other sewing machine makers like Pfaff are apparently making them.  They are more expensive than an iron, but press about 4 times as much area.

Today he will go back to the annex and continue to work on preparations to take Puff apart.  His helper is available tomorrow, he thinks, so a lot of what he does today will just make their work together tomorrow easier.

This morning I submitted the sales taxes - GST (federal) and PST (provincial).  That is the last time I will have to deal with collecting/remitting those.  My appointment with the accountant will help me close down those accounts so that both government agencies know my business is in fact shut down.

We have given the landlord notice that we will be out of the annex by the end of January.  Since I doubt he can find a new tenant to move in Feb. 1, we may ask for a week's extension if necessary, given the weather and the icy loading ramp which may make moving Puff out problematic.  But we have contacted someone with a self-loading flat deck and will have to work within their schedule as well.

I took yesterday 'off' from weaving, first having a long brunch with a friend.  She has been very busy so it was great to catch up on all that she has been doing.  Then I tackled my Dec. ledger, got that balanced, reconciled with my cheque book and with the filing of the taxes this morning am well prepared for my appointment with the accountant on the 16th.

We are nagging the landlord to cash the January rent cheque so I can close my business chequing account as soon as the last two cheques I wrote clear the account.

It took me years to build my business into what it was - taking 7 months to get it all shut down is not unexpected.  I'm just so tired of the constant juggling, rearranging, remembering more things that need to be dealt with.  My business telephone number will be closed on Jan. 11 so at least we won't have all the spam phone calls that line gets.  And no, I couldn't list my business number on the Do Not Call Registry - any business may call any other business.  So we just had to put up with it.  Since we rarely get any phone calls for us, the interruption to what we were doing to answer yet another spam call was annoying to say the least!

Doug has some more people to contact re: AVL parts and will work on those soon.  If you haven't heard from him, he's been a bit busy.  As soon as his list gets updated, I will post here just in case anyone else is interested in anything that is left.

Today I am going to ignore the looms and start clearing clutter out of the guest room, remove a pile of clutter from the living room floor to pile somewhere in the studio.  I fear that goat trails will begin to appear as we do the final push to move things out of the annex.  I just don't have the energy to start diving into boxes to see what is in them, stirring up decades of dust as I do.  (I'm allergic to dust, so every box sets off more sinus issues.)

There is one more set of shelves to be moved from the annex.  They couldn't be moved last week during the snowfall, and now the ramp to the annex loading dock is akin to a luge run.  Doug will try to back the truck up today so that he doesn't have to walk up the slippery slope.

Anyway, that is where we are and what we are dealing with.  Thanks for letting me vent...