Beginning...Again

Writing a technical manual is a constant case of beginning, again.  

With the aim of taking information that is detailed, precise (in some cases), far reaching (in other cases), linear (at times) and non-linear (at other times), editing, over and over and over again is not just necessary but imperative.  

The choice of which word, turn of phrase or placement of photo or diagram can either illuminate or obfuscate.  

As I write, edit, get my alpha reader to read and suggest, then edit, polish and attempt to clarify, it is becoming ever more clear to me that my target audience is not the beginning weaver, as in this is not a how to learn how to weave, but a how to weave better for the weaver who wants to understand the craft at a deeper level.  

What I desire is to explain how the craft works in its non-linear aspects.  Why the short answer to almost every question related to the development of cloth is either 'it depends' or 'sample, sample, sample'.

Will I succeed?   Only time will tell.

I am at 100+ pages and still so much more to do.  

It is daunting and, at times, overwhelming...

Done!

For certain values of done-ness...

Three buckets of scarves woven, and a fourth with the fringe twisting elf.  

Several deadlines are going critical, so I may go 'dark' for a while.  

After years of juggling more stuff than I can keep track of effectively, I have come to the realization that if I just hunker down and complete one thing, then move on to the next I feel less scattered, less panicked.  So I am going to try to - shall we say - uni-task - for a while and see how that goes.  If I need to weave as a palate cleanser, I have a 100 yard warp to put into the AVL...

Determined

The last warp in this series. 

As a child my parents lamented my stubbornness, my pig headed ness.  I was too strong willed.  Too defiant.  Too...much.  

I prefer to call it determined.  My strong will, my determination, are why I am still weaving, still trying to share my knowledge.   

There were so very many times when it was tempting to give up, give in, cry 'uncle'.  Times when exhaustion became so great I ached from it.  Times when I worked with injuries.  Through illness.  

Therapists always advise to slow down, do less.  And I am.  Right now I'm working at about half speed compared to just 10 years ago.  I have become resigned to working less, working more slowly.  But I refuse to stop entirely.  

I may miss a deadline, not accomplish as much as I would like, but my stubborn, strong willed, determined spirit cannot give up entirely.  Not yet.  

Pro Tip

These warps were wound with one strand of Bambu 7 and one of a highly textured yarn.  I wound them both at once, with my index finger between them.  I find that winding them separated by a finger means they don't grab onto each other and snag during beaming.  

When I thread, I choose the yarns randomly as they present themselves, except at the selvedge.  Since the weave structure is plain weave, I manipulate the threads so that I have two Bambu 7 forming the selvedge.  This gives a nice tidy edge to the scarf.  

The Wall

There are times in life when we 'hit the wall' - as the marathon saying goes.

We dream big dreams, set huge goals, get carried away with this fantastic idea - which may take a great deal of effort, time and energy to complete.

When the energy runs out before the goal is achieved, what do we do?

A younger friend asked how I had managed to write my book.  She was trying to complete her thesis and had hit the wall.  Her energy was about used up, her enthusiasm for the topic had drained away, all her doubts had reared up and her inner voice was questioning why she was still grappling with it - it would be far easier to just give up.

Or at least, I assume that was happening.  Having set myself enormous goals throughout my life, I can only imagine that she had reached that critical stage when it all seemed too difficult, too overwhelming to continue.

Since she is an athletic person, I figured the sports metaphor would resonate with her, so I used it.

I looked her in the eye and told her that when she hits the wall, she needs to just keep going to the end.

As I get older (and less healthy) my energy runs out sooner than ever.  I find myself still thinking that I have as much energy and fitness level as I did in my 30's.  But I don't.  I hit the wall sooner and find it more and more difficult to complete the goals I set for myself.

My level of weariness comes faster and my energy resources take longer and longer to refill.

It is oh, so tempting, to set smaller goals, dream tinier dreams.  To give up, sit on the sofa and eat virtual bon-bons (because I can't actually eat real ones.)

On the other hand, I am still here.  I still have a certain level of fitness/health.  I still have things I want to accomplish, goals I want to achieve.  I can't just stop.  My work, my teaching, even my blogging, is meaningful - to me.  So long as I find meaning in what I do, I cannot stop.

So when I feel myself hitting the wall, I need to take a step back, take a deep breath, put my head down and take another step.  And another.  And another.  Until I reach the finish line.

Currently reading View from the Cheap Seats by Neil Gaiman

Not Feeling the Love

Warp number four in the final count down of this series.  

And today I'm not feeling the love.  

I do love weaving.  I love being a full time creative person, setting my own goals.  Deciding if today is a good day in the studio.  I love the Idea of being independent, setting my own priorities.  

But there are times when the every day commitment isn't as much fun.  When I grow tired of a series, such as what has happened with this one.  When mentally I am done with it.  When approaching deadlines begin to announce the fact that they can't be ignored for much longer.  

It is sort of like serving yourself a meal when you are really really hungry, and you soon discover your eyes were bigger than your stomach.  Which is about the state I have reached...four more warps to do when I would much rather be doing something else. 

At times like these, I have to reach down sometimes way down, in order to continue.  I have to remind myself of the larger goals, in this case to a) use up some stash and b) have a new series ready for the all too quickly approaching fall sales season.  The season where I make about one half of my income for the year.  Where, if I have insufficient inventory, I might not make enough money to cover the show costs, never mind enough to get me through the following lean income months.  

Time to take a deep breath.  And continue.  And remember that this, too, is part of the job.  Even when I'm not exactly feeling the love.  

Numbers Rolling Over

At 11 pm, the stats for my blog were getting very close to having a significant number about to appear.  To have so many people read my posts is amazing!

As some of you know, if you have been with me from the start, I began writing partly as a celebration of life.  I thought I had been through the 'worst' and things would only get better.  

Well, that isn't the way Life works, and there have been ups and downs, as they say.  

For those who joined at the beginning, thanks for sticking around.  For the new kids on the blog, thanks for the opportunity to share my warped (pun alert!) life.