Quiet Time

We are having a bit of a quiet day so I’m fringe twisting.  Mary had a twisting tool so I didn’t have to bring mine.  I only brought four with me, but my hope is to Weave four more as part of demonstrating what I do.  

Who knows, I might even get them twisted before I head home.  I have most of Friday afternoon and evening to work on them. :)

Not Entirely Unexpected

With a very tight connection at O’Hare, it wasn’t entirely unexpected that I missed my flight in spite of a mad dash from concourse E to C.  

I may be getting too old for this much fun. :(

New Normal

It feels like my 'normal' for the past 10 years is trying to weave down my stash.  So what's new about that?

Well, my energy levels, for one thing.  One of the adverse effects of the cancer drug is to feel tired.  Even on the lowest possible dose I feel tired all day long and this summer has seen me struggling to overcome that feeling and carry on anyway.

The good news is that the fatigue brain fog is gone, and now that I'm well into the new scarf design, the colour combination possibilities just keep coming.  I currently have six warps wound waiting to go into the loom and ideas for at least another dozen.  I just happen to be out of time right now to do much because I leave tomorrow for a two week trip.

While I am very happy to get out of here and hopefully away from the smoke, it is with a pang as I leave these unwoven warps to await my return.  (Yes, I have packed one wound warp and yarn to wind another - because where I am going there are looms and one of them has my name on it.)

:)

One of the ways I am finding to cope with the Tired is to try let go of my expectations based on my old 'normal'.  My body is not well and in order to stick around I have to take this drug with all its adverse effects.  As usual, if there are 10 adverse effects, I will have 7 of them - to a greater or lesser degree. 

I have also been dealing with the stress and emotional reaction to writing a book, smoke allergy and conference planning.  The fact that I am getting anything done in the studio at all needs to be seen as great progress, not as a failure on my part because I'm not able to weave 3+ hours every day anymore.

So I post here a photo of two of the cones that have been emptied - one yesterday, one this morning.

Every journey begins with a single step.  Every cone emptied is a step in the right direction.  Because it is all progress.  And accepting that this is my new 'normal' - for now at least - means I don't beat myself up because I cannot do what I could, even five years ago, even three years ago.

Currently reading A Tale of Three Cities by Bettany Hughes.  I don't have time to finish it so I may have to request it from the library again once I'm done all this traveling!

Wheat from Chaff

I read a blog by Jim Wright for a number of reasons.  He's a writer and a political commentator, beholden to neither end of the political spectrum.  This morning his blog talked about information overload and how difficult it is to separate the wheat from the chaff.

In context of my adding to the overburden of information, I started thinking about what I was hoping to accomplish by writing and (self) publishing another(!) book on weaving.

I've told the story elsewhere about doing a demo during a level one Olds class and having a student ask me which book the information I provided could be found.  And realizing that none of the books I was familiar with contained all of the things I had talked about in one place.  And that it was time for me to sort through what I understand about weaving and write it down.

This book isn't intended to be The Compleate Book of Weaving - others have done a more thorough examination of how cloth is constructed.  What I am hoping is to provide information for those people who would be interested in the type of information I feel is important, but may not be able to take a class that covers it.

There are people who will disagree with my conclusions, and that's only to be expected.  Someone weaving rag rugs, or velvet, or on a Jacquard, or tapestry, will have a different experience from what I routinely do.  Who is correct?  Why, all of us.  Because change one thing and everything can change.

What I, as well as other authors, struggle with is the people who will be disappointed in what is offered.

The internet is a double edged sword.  Someone like me can use the internet to get the word out about my publication, I can post it to a website like we recently did with Magic in the Water so that people can go there, choose a pdf or print-on-demand format and buy the book.  On the other hand, people can also write reviews of the book, some of which may not be flattering.

Even the video clips I uploaded to You Tube have their fair share of thumbs down 'comments'.

But what I am hoping to do is plug some 'holes' that people may have in their foundation of knowledge so that they can make the whole process flow more smoothly.  To encourage weavers to be more thoughtful about what they are doing.  To sit in a way that will not encourage injury, and work more efficiently so that they can accomplish what they want to do without the bottle necks that inevitably crop up - or at least be prepared when they ramp up their intentions.  What a weaver may quite successfully do on a short/narrow warp may begin to fall apart when they want to go longer/wider.  Establishing 'good' practice right from the beginning means a much more pleasant experience in the years to come.  In my opinion, of course.

I don't expect people will do exactly as I do.  Feedback from students lets me know that they take in what I say, then tailor their processes to better suit themselves.

And that is a Very Good Thing.  But I am also aware that this publication is aimed at a very tiny niche of the weaving world and not everyone will find it useful.

Patina

Both of my looms have developed a patina on the beater top where I alternately use right and left hands to bring the beater forward and back.

This loom was a rescue loom but I don't remember the patina being this obvious when I first brought her home, so the patina here likely reflects the many hours of weaving we have done together.

This marking doesn't bother me.  I find it comforting, in a way.  A reflection of our journey together, making textiles.  Mostly tea towels, place mats, shawls, scarves.  Even a few rugs.  A partnership between tool and tool user.

To me it reflects many hours spent together making cloth.  My happy place.

The finish is wearing off on the left hand side a wee bit.  Probably because of my wedding band.  If it gets bad enough I may ask Doug to refinish the beater top.  But for now, it's just a mark of our work together.  Work that I hope will continue for many years to come.

Choose One Thing

This summer has been challenging for a long list of reasons.  We have been dealing with daily smoke, better or worse, for going on two weeks.  I rather suspect that the smoke is getting to everyone.  Nerves are getting frayed.  Children and people with lung issues (or allergy to smoke) are being urged to stay indoors.  So our altogether too short summer has been shortened even further because people can't do the usual summer activities - gardening, boating, fishing, just enjoying the sun while it's here.

The smoke has created some pretty amazing effects in terms of the sky, from blood red suns to spectacular sun rises and sets.  But it is also eerie and unsettling.  Not to mention knowing our neighbours are being hit hard.  Evacuation orders are in effect and last I heard our town had 3000+ evacuees, some of whom have lost their homes, livelihoods, animals.

Since I was already struggling with adverse drug effects and the toll of a very busy spring, I have not bounced back to even my 'usual' level of energy.  Far from it.

On the other hand, if I allow myself to succumb to my feelings of 'don wanna', I just wind up feeling worse.  It seems the more I try to take it 'easy', the more tired and dispirited I feel.

So I try to choose one thing to do per day.  If I just wind myself up and get to the studio, I not only feel better physically, I feel better emotionally.  Because from now until the end of the year it is one rolling deadline after another.

And then, of course, registration for the conference is scheduled to begin sometime in January.

The bulk of my contribution to the conference is pretty much done - for now - or will be in a few days.  There will be more to do in the spring, but my efforts were largely geared towards the shape of the conference, approaching instructors, working out their details and so on, deciding on the events that will happen.

To that end, I think the committee has done a great job.  Some of the committee members are out of town on holiday and hopefully by the time they get back the smoke will have abated.  I know my upcoming trip will allow me to breathe deeply and get away from it all for a couple of weeks.

Today I chose to weave a tea towel in the morning.  After lunch I wound bobbins for the next batch (it was time to change colours) and then I wound some more scarf warps.  It has helped, playing with colour.  Since I am not allowing myself to buy more yarn, I am forced to work with what I have.  Some colour combinations are easy, some are a little more daring.  I'm being forced to push the boundaries of my comfort zone in terms of colours.

But that is A Good Thing.  And so is using up stash!

Don Holzworth, 1956-2008

When my younger brother died, suddenly, much too young, at work, we were all stunned.  At the reception after the service, I managed to say a few words and ended with this:

"I can think of no better example to follow than Don's.

Be brave enough to dream big dreams.
Be bold enough to work to make them come true.
Live life with love and joy.
And every day, try to be a better person."

It recently occurred to me that those words could just as easily apply to me.  That perhaps, in some small way, I was an inspiration to him, just like so many of his friends told me that day.  They made a point of coming up to me to tell me how much Don respected me.  How much he looked up to me. 

At the time I was puzzled as to why that might be.  Yes, I was his older sister, which led to some interesting and funny things while growing up.  But look up to me?  I shook my head.

Ruth asked me about what day I wanted to aim for to hit publish on my book.  Don's birthday was on December 2, and so the words fell out of my mouth - December 2.  There were many reasons for that date, but it could have just as easily been Nov. 30 or Dec. 1.  But as I said the words, they felt right.

Since shoving the ms at Ruth and waving it goodbye, there have been a lot of emotions to process.  Things I'd forgotten about - or hadn't realized - have come percolating to the surface of my thoughts.

It suddenly made sense that in some small way I had been an inspiration to him.  Because in so many ways, I have lived my life to those same things I attributed to him.

In school I took on the job of publishing the school newspaper.  Worked on the yearbook.  Was part of the group that organized the giant march from our old school to the brand new one we'd been waiting for to open.  I was modelling my mother's behaviour in many ways.   She worked tirelessly for the church, helped family members with all sorts of things, usually medical or legal, partly because she had the most education of any of the other family.  Plus she was fluently bi-lingual and wound up translating in court or hospital for family/friends whose English wasn't the best.

She continued throughout her life to work hard on behalf of the hospital auxiliary, CNIB, and countless other charities.

So I was no stranger to the social responsibility that my mother felt and passed on to me.

When I graduated grade 12 I had no idea what I wanted in terms of education.  My parents were not wealthy and could not afford to send me to Vancouver to take a B of A.  And I didn't want a BA degree anyway because about the only thing to do with one was become a teacher.  I certainly did not want to be a teacher!  (ha.  at least not a teacher in the school system, turns out.)

I told mom I wanted to go to Sweden to meet and visit with my pen friend.  She talked it over with dad and they offered me the deal that if I worked hard and saved my money and didn't squander it, I could live at home rent free.  Deal!

And so I investigated how I might do just that.  I'd gotten a job with the telephone company as a long distance operator (yes, I am that old - switch boards were still a thing), which paid very good money, especially for a recent graduate from high school.  I was so stingy you could hear the change in my purse whimper.  And by the end of April I had enough money to go.

Now I didn't do the 'usual' thing and fly over.  Nope, not me.  Instead I took the train from here to Montreal, visited with mom's sister and her family and then boarded a freighter that took a small number of passengers.  And sailed from Montreal to Oslo, Norway.  There I boarded a train and headed east to Orebro, Sweden.  Where I arrived with just my purse and no Swedish money - because I didn't know that if you 'checked' your luggage, it came on the overnight freight train.

(There is a lot more to the story, but another day - perhaps.)

While in Sweden I also took a bus tour of Europe, landing in Germany, over to Belgium, France, through Monaco, north-west Italy, through Switzerland, back to Germany and then returning to Sweden.  Where I then took my first plane flight ever from Stockholm to Vancouver. 

In 1975 I gave up a rather well paying job to become a weaver.  My brother was 13 when I set off to Sweden, 18 when I abruptly changed course to become a weaver.

He saw me stick it out, through some really skinny times in terms of income, through injury, through recovery, and onwards to write a book and self-publish it. 

Those were some mighty big dreams.  And I was stubborn enough to make them happen, one way or another.

So.  Second book, needing a publication date, preferably before Christmas.  Checking the calendar, American Thanksgiving this year is Nov. 22.  I will go back to Ruth's where we will do one last look-see at the ms, hopefully sieve any lingering typos out, make sure photos are captioned properly, diagrams correct.  And then, in honour of my 'little' brother, hopefully hit publish on Dec. 2.

Hope you're proud Don.  I was of you.

Royal Hudson steam locomotive, charted by Don, edited and woven by me, sewn into a jacket by Darlene Wainwright