Individuals

 

It is always interesting that trees, even of the same species, will sometimes turn colour at different times.

With the past few days of cooler, wetter weather, the colour has really come on in some of the mountain ash across the street.  But not all.  The one in the yard next to this one is still mostly green.  

And it's a good example of how not every individual in a species will develop at the same time.

A lesson we tend to overlook and should not.

So when I'm teaching, I am aware that not everyone in the room will learn what I'm teaching at the same time or the same rate of comprehension.  I tend to repeat things over and over again.

Sometimes people contact me and say that something I wrote recently resonated with them and are delighted at learning The Thing.

While I am always delighted to hear of such 'discoveries', I have essentially been saying the same things for literally decades.

At lunch one day at the John C. Campbell Folk School, the person sitting next to me shared that they are an educator, researching how people learn.  And what they are discovering is that if there are any 'holes' in someone's foundation of knowledge, they quite literally cannot take in any information that builds on the information that is missing - because it hasn't been learned.  Yet.

This resonated with me because I have seen the dynamic over and over again.  I will go into a classroom, usually with a vast array of experience and knowledge, some people very new, some with decades of weaving under their belt.  And time and again, the more experienced weaver will suddenly see something that they hadn't been able to understand previously, begin to make sense.

Sometimes it's fairly esoteric.  Sometimes it is really basic.  But they were missing the block of knowledge to build upon because they didn't have the foundation on which TO build.

Over the years I stopped feeling embarrassed about repeating things over and over and over again.  The way memory works is that information will go into the short term inbox, but in order to transfer that knowledge into long term storage, the mind must shut down more information coming in.  So the 3 or 4 sentences they 'miss' while that transfer takes place means that sometimes they simply do not absorb the information.  And so the hole continues, preventing the absorption of information that needs that kernel to build on.

I enjoy teaching people with a basic understanding of the craft because I hope to invest them with more of the subtleties of the craft and for that they need to have at least a partial foundation of knowledge to build on.  I also bang on about the same things, but hopefully examine them from different perspectives.  Because I don't know what someone is missing, I don't know what they have been told, I don't know what they need to take their next step in learning.  So I just keep sharing information that I feel really needs to be understood for a weaver to make good decisions.

Yesterday I finished gathering the materials for the taping next week.  Doug has done the laundry and next step is to begin filling my suitcase with what I will need for a week away.  Last minute communications with details have been examined, and I think we are as ready as we can be until I am there and the van is unloaded.  On their end they have crunched numbers, made up charts, schedules, attempted to estimate how long each segment will take so that we can re-stage for the different segments.  For 120 minutes (estimated) of finished presentation, we will spend all day getting the scenes staged, props to hand and filmed -with re-takes as necessary.  The wet finishing topic will flow fairly smoothly from one stage to the next.  The skills tape is estimated to be 240 minutes and we have 3 days scheduled to film that.  Given the nature of weaving, it will be filmed out of sequence, so then continuity is a consideration as well.  It will be four days of 9-5, very intense hours.

I'm glad Doug is going to be with me because I have a feeling that by the end of the week I am going to be limp as a rag.

But I'm looking forward to this happening and crossing all cross-ables to get it done.  The expectation is to have the classes ready for the new year.  When the class is ready to go live, I will be sure to share.  And I hope you all will spread the news, too.

Autumn

 

At just after 8 am this morning, the sun found a thin slice of clear sky to send a shaft of brilliant sun into the back yard.  The photo doesn't really do the reality justice.

The leaden sky background to the brilliant yellow/oranges of the trees visible in the back neighbour's yard and up the steep slope of the hill behind was stunning.

A perfectly timed reminder that, even in the midst of a whole lot of things slipping sideways, there is still something to appreciate and enjoy.

It is easy to feel overwhelmed with the brokenness of the world.  It is easy to stay focused on the things that are going wrong - or at least not the way we would want.  It is easy to be upset and stay stuck in wishing things were not the way they are.

But this morning Mother Nature provided a tiny sliver of a reminder that even in the bad times, we can still take a moment to stand in wonder at the window and appreciate that there is still beauty and hope and plant a tiny seed of gratitude for the little things in life.

Yesterday I 'finished' a section of one of the things I've been working on.  Today I package up the samples and send them off to where they belong.  Once I've done that I will turn my attention to packing.  Doug did a load of laundry and I can start filling my suitcase with personal stuff.

I've resigned myself to having a pandemic 'do' for the taping.  Not what I wanted, but things happen.  I could scramble to try and find another hairdresser but I'm never sure I'll get a good cut and a bad cut would be worse than what I currently have, so...

Now that I'm able to clear my head a bit and focus on the trip I am beginning to look to the future more purposefully.  Facing my personal health challenges head on means I can - hopefully - make better choices as time marches on.

Autumn is a prelude to winter, when I tend to withdraw, conserve my energy and try to make plans for the spring.  I have obligations for the next 3 months, but once we are home from Vancouver, the really BIG deadlines are pretty much done.  I will have to go out more than I have been, but that isn't necessarily bad.  Just that I will continue to be cautious.  Because covid isn't over yet.  

As for my own weaving practice, my goal is to continue to weave down my stash.  I've done really well the past two years, but I still have So Much.  Changing medication has given me my brain back and I can think again.  But mostly weaving remains physical and mental/emotional therapy.  

I have gotten to the point where I am willing to simply get rid of some of my yarn, and I will have to think about how best to do that.  There is too much to toss or give away.  I don't really want to sell it, unless I can sell the whole lot at once.  But I will think on that over the winter.  I could weave more of it down, but I'm not really enjoying working with that yarn any more.  But who knows.  I could change my mind, too!

Always something to think about.  And sometimes just sitting down and thinking about it brings a solution.  So I try to keep an open mind and see what opportunities come knocking on my door.

Endings, Beginnings

 

Endings can be poignant.  The end of the concert.  The play.  The class.  The job.  Whatever.  Endings mark a transition to something else.  Something new.  Something different.

Endings can be a source of dissatisfaction.  A surge of joy.  Endings can bring sorrow.  Or anticipation for what comes next.

Some people have asked me about how I feel at the end of a warp.  Finishing a warp rarely is a cause for angst because inevitably I have so many more in the pipeline my only thought is which one to do 'next'.

I focus instead on what happens now.  What do I need to do.  Which deadline is most pressing (usually) wins the coin toss.

Relationships can be bittersweet, too.  People move away.  Or just on.  When you get to my age if you haven't experienced the death of someone it is pretty rare.  And those are the hardest, I think.

I remember when my dad died at age 56.  One of mom's best friends was torn up.  It was the first death of a close friend she had dealt with in her memory.  My mom, who had had to deal with numerous deaths by this point couldn't imagine NOT having to experience that loss, even as she dealt with the loss of her partner, the person she referred to as the love of her life until she died.  In the end, she was a widow longer than she had been married.

During my life I have dealt with the deaths of family members and friends, but also?  All the other losses that people deal with.  Right now I'm dealing with the loss of my health - to a certain extent.  But the slowing down, the loss of energy, the requirement to take on less, do less, say no more frequently, has been a difficult one.

In previous decades, I could count on recovering, returning to my 'normal' level of activity, my 'normal' level of energy.

And now?  I just can't.

Learning how to accept help from others has been a challenge.  I am learning to ask for help when I need it.  I am learning how to conserve my strength and energy. I am beginning to learn how to say 'no' - and mean it, no regrets, no guilt.  

Have I stopped dreaming?  No, absolutely not.  There are still things I would like to do with whatever time I have left.  Even if it takes me longer than it might have done 10, 20 years ago.  

I think about my brother a lot.  He died at 51, and his death triggered my diagnosis, saving my life.  The opposite of survivor guilt is survivor responsibility.  He died, I didn't.  Why?  No idea.  But since I'm not dead, I'd better live my life as well as I am able.

Anyway, today was the last of the Zoom meetings for one of my study groups.  We are discussing about continuing on, in some way.  And one person made an offer of help for an event.  I will accept her offer, if I feel I have any chance of attending that event.

We get through this life helping each other.  Learning how to accept help as well as give it is just all part of living.

Plodding

 

Today was a pretty typical autumn day for us.  Wet and chilly.  And the birch trees (mostly) are putting on a show.   The mountain ash are still mostly green, but it's a tired green.  They are filled with berries though, which looks very nice.

It is just one week until we set out for Vancouver and much still needs to get done before we leave.  Tomorrow I have a Zoom in the morning and then I need to seriously clear some room in the studio so I can begin gathering my stuff for the trip.  In many ways I'm taking a big chunk of my studio with me.  And let's not talk about personal things - clothing, meds, etc.  

Before I do anything though, I need room to stack the boxes and bins (once I've packed them).  And all of that, all of that preparation, is going to take time and energy.

I did make some progress on the weaving.  It looks like I'll be playing yarn chicken with the current warp, though.  There are still 2 more samples to weave, then cut off and re-sley.  The next set of samples will be shorter, in no small way because the epi/ppi will be changing from 28 to 45.  But still, I'm nervous about being able to weave them on whatever warp is left when I'm done with the 28 epi samples.  Or if I'll have to dress the loom again to finish them off.

The three I wove today were fairly simple and now that I'm getting the hang of following the colour changes on the laptop, things are going more smoothly.  I was grateful I felt up to weaving the third one because that leaves just 2 more to do at the 28 epi/ppi.  I'm planning on finishing those on Monday.  And then see if I have the energy to deal with the bobbins hung off the back because I was short 3 ends on either side of the centre stripe.

However, I am also waiting to get the filming schedule for the longer class and will have to spend an hour or so combing through that, watching for inconsistencies, or anything that looks out of place.  But seeing the Call Sheet laid out will help me focus on the structure of the class and get my butterflies flying in formation.  I hope.

The Zoom tomorrow is the last of the series for the Olds students.  I have no idea if they want to stay on as a group or if it is time to just stand by the side of the nest and wave goodbye as they launch into the future.  There is still the other group, so I won't be without obligations/students right away.  :)

And, if all goes well, I will have a new crop of students in the new year.

The days plod on, the seasons change.  I keep weaving, as much as I can.  It's all good.

Spinning

 

With weaving (plus teaching/writing about weaving) being so labour intensive, oftentimes with months of input before any kind of return comes into the bank account, I became pretty proficient at having large numbers of projects partially underway.  Oftentimes I would feel like the guy on the Ed Sullivan Show with his sticks and spinning plates.  How many could he keep balanced before they would topple off and crash to the floor?

This past summer I've been working on a number of projects, all in process, all requiring some attention in order to keep them moving forward.  

The distressing thing is to finally have to admit to myself that I can no longer keep more than just a few of these kinds of projects humming along.  I just don't have the energy or mental wherewithal any more.  

It's been...sobering.  OTOH, it was part of the reason I 'retired' (for certain values of).  I just didn't have the physical stamina or mental acuity to keep doing craft fairs, haring all over the country to teach, plus the writing and marketing of myself and my work.

Paring back what I was doing became essential, but even so, opportunity knocked and I took on the Next Big Project.  I also took on a commission, which has proven to be challenging and more time consuming than I hoped/expected.  Both of those projects have time lines that I can't miss and this has put pressure on me in addition to my health issues.  The past three months have taken more out of me than I hoped.

But!  I am managing - just - to keep both of those things ticking along and both will be done soon enough.

As the year progresses, covid continues, and hopefully things will improve.  With hope and optimism, the local Community Arts Council has determined that they can produce their craft fair, with as much protection as possible.  They have moved the event to a much larger venue so booths can be spread out further apart.  Participants and customers will have to show proof of vaccination, and indoor mask mandates are currently still in force.  I'm not expecting to attend because I'm still taking every precaution to prevent exposure to the virus.  New advice is indicating who might be possible to get a booster, but at this point I don't 'qualify' under the terms I read on the government website.  

However, the guild also plans on a guild room sale on the weekends following Studio Fair and that I feel I can participate in personally.  (Doug has offered to work shifts at Studio Fair on my behalf.  I still have lots of inventory I would LOVE to sell!)

At the guild AGM, several members said they were really enjoying the Sunday Seminars.  I may be convinced to book more in the new year.  I thought of another speaker I would love to have and who would have lots of interesting things to say about textiles.  But I'll wait until after my current crop of deadlines are done.  One more study group this Sunday, then two in October and what ever Zoom meetings are left will move to the new year.  

Autumn is definitely in the air.  And time marches on.

Perfect. Or Not.

 

Hard to believe that is me.  Significantly younger.  I'm wearing a silk outfit I wove and had sewn and wore too little to justify the expense of making it.  I kept 'saving' it for 'special' - until I out grew it.  

I've been thinking - a lot - about my younger self.  There is a 'thing' on Facebook that asks what you would tell your younger self if you could.

I'm not sure I would have any message for the me that was me when I was in my 30s.  I was pretty bull headed, as my mother would put it.  I'm not so sure 30 year old me would listen to 70 year old me.

Have I had a 'perfect' life?  On no.   Hell no!  Have I had a life of challenges?  Hell yes!  Have they been worth it?  To be determined, I suppose, by someone other than me.

I am a master weaver - even have the piece of paper that says so.  Does that mean I never make mistakes?  Hell no.

This week I have been working through a complex project on behalf of another weaver/designer/teacher and it has been...challenging.

People process information in different ways so I have to interpret what they want.  Then, because I want to work as efficiently as possible I tend to try to crunch the data so that I can work as ergonomically and efficiently as possible.

Part of doing that is re-interpreting the data and coming up with a way of looking at it that makes sense to me.  So I reviewed the draft, made some adjustments, wound the warp, then beamed it.  Yesterday I threaded the warp and discovered I was short 3 ends on either side of the centre stripe.  

Sigh.

So I wound three ends onto a bobbin and threaded them in where they belong.  I don't think it will work to leave them all on one bobbin, but right now the two bobbins are containing the ends so that I can finish setting up the loom.  Then, if necessary, I can separate them and hang them individually.

Mastery doesn't mean you don't make mistakes.  Hopefully you just recognize them when you make them and can figure out a way to fix them.

So I suppose I would say to my 30 year old self, if I could, 'don't worry - you'll figure it out'.

And please.  Don't anyone tell me I should have smiled.  I was then (and am still now) experiencing chronic pain and that day I was not feeling well.  I was just managing to hold things together and was, frankly, exhausted.  

But being bull headed, I was determined to do what needed to be done.  And that, I think, is worth remembering when I look back on my life.  

I survived - as a weaver in the 20th and 21st centuries.   And I will continue to weave for as long as I can.  Perfect, or not.

Decisions, Decisions

 

I only have one of these towels left.  I enjoyed weaving them, and may well revisit the design again in the future.  I still have a significant amount of solid coloured 2/16 cotton left, but not really enough of anything to make a warp.  So the thought is to buy enough white yarn to put on a long warp and use up the solid colours as weft.  But that's in the future.  

Right now I'm up against several deadlines.  All of the projects looked quite do-able in June/July, but now it's mid-September - over half way, really - and suddenly all of them are coming together at once.

I'm still not feeling great, for a number of reasons, but I try to work every day on some aspect of at least one of the deadlines.  Sometimes a little bit on several of them.

Like yesterday.  I realized that I'm booked to do a Zoom on Sunday and I'd done no preparation for it, whatsoever.  I got the warp that is going into the Megado prepped so that Doug could help me beam it (I wound the warp chain on the board, but it was going into a beam with sectional dividers).  I worked again on the draft, cleaned up the studio as best I could to make room for the beaming, tried to work out the best (most efficient) way to get the warp beamed, then poked away at the Power Point for Sunday.  When Doug got home it took about 45 minutes or so to beam the warp, discuss a slight modification to the loom to make things easier for me in the future, and prepared the warp for threading.  (It would have taken less but I was also working out the system for doing it, sometimes needing to switch out lease sticks or stop to think through the next step, which is different from beaming on the Leclerc.)

Today I'm wet finishing a batch of samples and will prepare them to go into the mail.  Then I'll sift through the treadling drafts for the warp I'll start threading today.

If I were feeling 'better' this would all be very minor, but I'm still struggling to keep going.  

The local guild is having their AGM tonight, and we have some decisions to make given the continuing issues of covid.  I have students who would like to take a weaving class, there are people who would love to learn how to spin, and we just can't do much right now.  There was a drop in covid numbers over the weekend, so hopefully our province is finally getting a grip on controlling the disease, but things blow up very quickly if people get complacent, and several guild members (myself included) are immune compromised.  And I'm not comfortable leading a class in person right now.  

Next week I'll get the filming schedule, and I'll go through my equipment list again, and start pulling all the things that will go to Vancouver in the van.  But in the meantime I have a 7 yard warp with 636 ends in a complex colour order in a 'fancy' 8 shaft twill to thread and then weave in a variety of complex colour orders.

Back to elephant eating time.  One bite.  Another bite.  One more.  Chomp.  Chomp.  Chomp.