Unexamined

 

broken warp thread being needle woven in

after mending

Just because something breaks doesn't mean it isn't useful.  Things can be mended.  They won't be perfect, but they can still be functional.

I spend a lot of time thinking.  Too much time, some would say.  When I found weaving, I fell into a craft where thinking about things was a benefit, not detrimental.  (I am sure there are other crafts where this is so, just that weaving resonated with me.)

When I was younger I heard about the Socrates quote "an unexamined life is not worth living".  I won't say I agree with the statement - entirely.  But I have found over the years that examining what is happening in my life, in my studio, has pretty much always led to improvements.

This morning, out of idle curiosity (and a large dose of procrastination) I googled the phrase, in part because I could not remember who it was attributed to.  And then found a bunch of people stoutly defending the right to *not* examine one's life.  In fact they took rather the other side of the question.

Personally I don't much care if people examine their lives or not.  We have 'free will' (apparently god given) and we can choose to not look at what is happening in the world closely and close our eyes to the state the world is currently in.  

What I have found is that the sooner I grapple with things going 'wrong' the sooner I can work to 'fix' the problem.

We have just spent 3+ years dealing with an existential threat that a far too large percentage of the population decided was a fantasy.  They closed their eyes to the death toll and ignored pleas to wear a mask, stay home, don't travel, don't catch and if you do catch it, don't spread it.  Instead a rather alarming number of people decided that they were impervious or they simply didn't need to follow basic cautions in the face of a global pandemic.  

Right now a rather alarming percentage of the world is literally on fire.  People are being urged to wear at least an N95 against the wildfire smoke, which does huge damage to lungs.  And a certain tv station, who pushes conspiracy theories and rage farms, has taken to mocking those people who *are* wearing masks.

Their callous disregard for the health of their listeners is something to behold.  

Rather than encourage their 'base' to think critically, they criticize.  Instead of pointing out the actual dangers, they point to boogie men.  They point here, there and everywhere but at the actual causes for things like a global pandemic, wildfires that are unprecedented, not just in North America but on every continent - except Antarctica.  

I keep weaving.  I keep trying to teach weaving.  I think about Mad Max and the fact that weaving will be one of the survival skills we need when the whole equatorial area is hostile to human (and other) life.  And where the populations of that area of the globe will wind up and how that will impact all of us.  I think about Nero mythically fiddling while Rome burned.

And I keep weaving.  I keep putting my creative energy out into the world.  I keep encouraging people to learn how to weave, but mostly to think critically about what they are doing.

Not everyone needs to live an examined life.   But there have to be some who do think about causes and solutions.  And when civilizations collapse, have the knowledge to survive.

Moving Right Along

 

Yesterday I began weaving on the new warp and so far have woven one more towel today.  There is enough of this warm red/brown to weave 4 towels.  Truth is, there *might* be enough for five, but I don't know and I'm not a fan of playing yarn chicken when there is still plenty of other yarn left to be used up!  And a local fibre artist will take my thrums and turn them into temari balls, so it won't go to waste.

In fact the deep red that will be used next was likely sufficient all by itself to weave this entire warp, but since I'm trying to use up all of the 2/20 mercerized cotton, decided that four of these would be done with the brown.

I'm pleased enough with them.  I like the undulations that roll through the cloth.  I particularly like a couple of the elements of the design and have been thinking about ways to incorporate them into another warp.  

As I weave I watch the flow of the lines, think about how they might look re-arranged, or mirrored, or combined with other elements possible in this weave structure.  Eventually I'll get to the desktop and mess around, see what happens.

What intrigues me also is that depending on the twill line direction, the colour of the weft will be more intense or less.  I like the overall weave structure which is based on a twill ratio and progression, but with hiccoughs.

Frequently there are 'surprises' that I don't anticipate that add depth to the overall look.

It's cooled off a bit today, but the smoke is creeping back.  A town northeast of us has been ordered to evacuate due to a large wildfire approaching closer to them.  The entire town needed to leave, quickly.  I hope the fire crews can contain the fire so that they don't lose everything.  

It isn't even halfway through June and already the fire season is shaping up to be worse than ever before.  Behold our new 'normal' folks...

I'm heading back to the loom where I at least feel like I have some control, maybe generate a few endorphins, a little dopamine...

Still Not Perfect

 

Yesterday I started threading this design.  Thing is, I created it a couple of months ago and before double checking my thread count, I just started threading this exactly the way it shows.

When I got to the end of the draft, I had an inch and a bit 'left over' threads.  Oops.

Since I had been really careful during threading, a little voice inside my head said 'did you check you had the correct thread count before you started threading?  No.  No, you did not.  Check that before you start checking for threading errors.'

And I did.  And there was.

The draft had only 806 ends instead of the 856 I had beamed.  

Oops.

Well, what matter does it make?  

Not a lot.  In the pantheon of Mistakes I Have Made, beaming more threads than I actually need for a draft is the least impactful.

I took the full inch worth of yarn and taped it back down to the beam.  The loose ones are now hanging from the warping valet in the ceiling and will get wound up onto a tube as the warp progresses.

And the towels will be about 1.5 inches narrower than intended.

Never mind.  They will still dry dishes.

So, no, I'm not going to get bent out of shape about 'wasting' that 'excess' yarn.  I'm not going to try and use it for the next warp because it got all twisted as I pulled it back and re-wrapped it on the beam.  And it's like 50 cents worth of yarn.  It will go straight into the recycle bin.

The yarn isn't 'precious' - it's 2/8 natural cotton and not expensive.  I may be tossing a couple of dollars worth of yarn, but I will be tossing it in the direction of a spinner who finds ways to upcycle my (and others) yarn into new yarn.

However, lesson learned.  When I design a threading and it sits for a few months, before I start threading I need to double check the thread count.  It's a rookie mistake and obviously one I needed to re-learn!

OTOH, there are elements in this draft I quite like and will be designing a new draft playing with some of them.  But not today.  Today I get to weave.  :)

Taking a Break

 

Here I go again...threading.

At this point I'm 2/3s of the way through the current warp, and I should finish threading this afternoon.    I would *like* to sley as well, but we'll see how many spoons I have left when I'm done the threading.

I've started printing the draft in a larger size.  I had been printing out drafts of this size over 3 pages, had to change to 5 last year and with the previous draft went to 6.  What can I say?  Needs must.  I can see what I'm doing much more easily and frankly, I could take paper from my 'waste' box and print on the back side of other papers I've tossed.  Like the various iterations of the ms which are just 'scrap' now and could be used again for this job.

My editor is working on the ms again today.  It's slowly taking shape, but she is making steady progress and I remain hopeful it will be done before we leave for Vancouver.  I'm also hoping to get the warp going into the loom today woven before we leave.  This trip is a bit longer because we are rolling a couple other things into the same journey and therefore there will be several evenings in the hotel room for me to hem.  I don't seem to be able to force myself to do much of that in the evenings.  I really ought to delete a couple of my game apps.  I'm getting close to ditching a couple.

I have a couple other things that really need dealing with on my desk and the clock is ticking.  But today I'm tired and out of sorts and somehow focusing on just one thing at a time is making more sense to me than flitting back and forth between projects.  

The thing is, I remember multi-tasking.  I used to do it and do it very well indeed.  Now?  I just can't.  So I have to remain focused on what is necessary.  Tomorrow I will deal with one of the things that has been hanging over me, after considering and rejecting a number of 'fixes'.  I'm going to go with the simplest solution because the deadline for having it done is too close for me to do anything but the simplest solution.  Part of me is fighting that decision because in part it's a bit of a cop out - except I'm no longer in my 30s (or 40s, or even 50s) and just don't have the spoons.  I'm feeling 'bad' because I'm going to disappoint some folk, but I also know that the sooner you disappoint them, the sooner they can move on and make other decisions.  

In the meantime I'm keeping an eye on my inbox in case of further queries from my editor.  So far she seems to be managing.

When it comes down to it, that's about all any of us can do - keep moving forward, even if it is only a step.  Onwards...

Next!

 

Yesterday I declared the warp in the loom done and cut the towels off.  That was about all I got done given I'd also spent time doing the bibliography and dealing with some emails and other things that needed attention.  

This morning I need to run to town and do a few errands, and then the rest of the day will be spent getting the next warp into the loom.

As the last warp neared the end I did a quick look at what was left.  Too much!  Still!  You get a lot of play time with fine yarns.  OTOH, there are now fewer boxes/bins and they are not full.  I'm keeping the yarn sorted by colour and have used up some of the colours while others are getting closer.

The next warp will be this one:

I have about 3/4s of a pound of a warm reddish chocolate brown so those will get used first.  Probably 3 towels, maybe 4.  Then the rest of the warp will be woven off in a 'burgundy' red - a brownish red.  And that colour should mostly get used up although there might be a little left for...something.

The design continues with the theme of 'drawing' with lines.  It reminds me - vaguely - of some styles of textiles seen in other cultures, but I'm not 'copying' those, just following the flow of the lines as they develop in the cloth.  Seeing the connection, I feel it as well.  How human beings have been doing much the same things for, well, ever.

Similar drawings have been found on cave walls, usually rendered in ochre, thus my decision to use the burgundy red and brown on this design.  The cloth will be woven 'back side up' so the final textile will be natural white with the line 'drawing' in red.  An homage, if you will, to our ancestors.

I have two more warps designed.  One I like well enough; the other, not so much.  So I will be taking some time over the next couple of weeks to play with other ideas.  I have one roughed out in the back of my brain box but I need to put it into Fiberworks and see if it will look ok.  Or not.

It looks like western Canada is going to have a very hot summer, which does not bode well for the fire season.  Which is already causing havoc and mayhem in Alberta.  OTOH, so much of our forests have already burned over the past few years, is there really enough bush left to cause major havoc?  Unfortunately, the answer is yes.  

Meanwhile the politicians of the alt right continue to scream about the economy, not seeming to realize that when there is no more forest and no more petroleum to be extracted from the ground, the economy is going to have to look very different than it does now.  Seems to me it would be much better to begin to shift now.  Instead they keeping doing what they've been doing, expecting different results.  Oh well.

Nothing much I can do about that except vote my conscience, and keep making things, putting creativity out 'there'.  I have all this yarn that needs to be used up and it's best actually used, not left to deteriorate on the cone/tube.

So, today?  Today I beam the next warp.  Tomorrow I thread.  Then I can weave again.  

Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to weave I go...

Watershed

 

Was it only a few short weeks ago that the essays were like this?

Um, yeah.  It seems like ages ago, but really this project has come together quickly.  Almost like it was meant to happen.

Right now we are at version who-the-hell-knows-how-many-edits.

I wrote the essays.  My alpha reader went through them with edit suggestions, which I (mostly) implemented.  Once they were all done, I did another read through, caught more grammar and typo issues.  Let the files sit for a bit, then did it again before saving all the files on a thumb drive and handing that over to my editor the beginning of May.

She did another pass through, took a more thorough look for grammar issues, plus areas that needed clarification.  I went through those edit suggestions, punted the file back to the editor, who then incorporated the changes and bounced the files back to me.

Over the weekend I went through the files again.  Once again I 'caught' areas that needed some polishing.  By this point it was pretty minor stuff.  Mostly.  Having some time/distance from the words, I found more minor changes for clarification and by dint of steaming through the thing, am now passing the thumb drive back to the editor.

There is one essay that needs some major surgery but by the time I got to it, I did not have the mental wherewithal to deal with it so I've challenged the editor to see if she can pare it down and make it less repetitive.  I don't mind a certain level of redundancy, but I suspect that that particular essay needs some remediation.  Rather than hold up the process, I figured I'd give her the latest round and set her onto the tweaking of that essay.  Essentially the rest is just picking nits.  If she doesn't feel up to doing it, perhaps a few days away from it will let me do it, but I'm getting tired of the whole project and just want it *done*.

It's a watershed moment, and the perfect time for someone else to step in because right now?  The temptation is overwhelming to just leave it like it is.  Yes, even knowing it could be 'better'.

Magic in the Water and The Intentional Weaver went through pretty much the exact same processes.  With Magic, after I gave the files to the printer he worked his magic then handed the galley proofs back to me *seven* times.  Yes, even after I'd already been through the ms picking grammatical nits, he kept sending the proofs back to me until after the seventh time I said I hadn't found anything the needed to be done.  And then, of course, someone found a typo in the printed copy.  Oh well.

Another lesson in humbility from the universe.  It never does to get complacent.  Or be devastated when you discover you have made another mistake...

The launch date of July 9 is still looking do-able and since I'll be out of town the last week of June I really feel the pressure to get this done just as soon as possible.  Not to mention my editor has other projects on the go, so she wants to finalize it as well.

Today I will finish the bib.  As I did the read through yesterday I saw a couple more books that need to be added to the bibliography so I'll work on that today.  I also confirmed the Handwoven articles - I had no idea I'd had 16 articles published in that magazine.  (Two of the articles graced the cover of the magazine.)  I'm not going to bother with the other magazines, in part because at least one of them isn't indexed and isn't commonly available anyway.  But Handwoven IS well indexed and back issues can still be obtained in some instances.  Many guilds also have collections where people can find the individual magazines and I still see people referencing one or other of my articles now.  So, it seemed important that I list those.

How close are we?  I don't know, honestly.  It's a process.  But I *think* we could be very close indeed to tackling the actual 'publishing' step.  A learning curve for my editor and one that I can't help her with.  Therefore, I want to give her as much time as possible to deal with converting the files and uploading them to blurb.

The goal for today is to finish the bib and weave two towels.  That warp will then be declared 'done' and cut off the loom.  Tomorrow the goal is to beam the next warp.  

And onwards we go...

 

Acceptance - it's a process

 

obligatory pretty picture...

Yesterday I went to my massage therapist after a hiatus, knowing that during the time away from therapy things had changed again in my body - and not always in a 'good' way.

At the end he told me to sit up, then when I felt steady, to walk back and forth so he could see my gait.

Normally (as in, if I were 10 years younger and less damaged) I would have simply sat up from my prone position but as I clenched my abs to do that I realized it wasn't going to happen that day.  Like most days, these days.  My body simply...refused.

I sighed, apologized and said that it was going to take me a minute while I log rolled (rolled over onto my side, then pushed my torso up until I was sitting).

Right away he hastened to assure me that with my disc problem I should NOT be doing a sit up and then proceeded to show me how just sitting up was causing all sorts of tension issues putting pressure on that damaged disc.  I mentioned I can rarely squat and stand up anymore either and again, he hastened to assure me that I should not be doing *that* anymore, either, again due to the pressures on the spine as you stand from a squat.  Instead he showed me how to use my upper body to lift myself up instead of, well, doing what I'd been doing for 60 plus years.

A further indication of a body rode hard, put away wet, far too many times.

As another layer of the onion of understanding was pulled off, I realized again that the act of acceptance is not a 'one and done' deal.  It is a constant process of becoming aware of how a small(ish) injury reverberates throughout the body.  An injury that will not, can not heal, can only be accommodated and that I need to *accept* that I cannot any longer - or should not - even attempt some things.  To be more gentle with myself.

The past two days were busy with meetings and such so I didn't get to the loom.  Thursday the pain was low and I wondered if weaving was causing more issues than I was thinking.  But I didn't weave yesterday either, and last night I had to take a pill after dinner as the pain ramped up.  And up.

So all I can do is assume that the weaving isn't actually much of a factor in the level of pain I deal with and so today I will go to the loom and weave two towels.  I think there are maybe 4 or 5 left on this warp and I had hoped to get it off by Monday, but maybe Tuesday?  Because I also have edits to do over the weekend.  I'm getting antsy about getting the ms done so I can clear that project off my desk  When too many projects are 'mid-way' I get anxious so it is time to finalize some things.  Give myself some breathing room.  A bit of peace.  Because I have to work on acceptance right now.  It's a process and will take some time.