Press Pause

 

Today is one of 'those' days.  I donwanna.  

I donwanna do...anything...frankly.  At least nothing that 'needs' doing, right this minute.  I just...donwanna.

My life has always been driven by deadlines.  As a kid in school, I would start writing the essay due on Monday on *maybe* Friday night.  Then, feeling the pressure all weekend I'd punch out the words, and with a sense of intense relief, hand the thing in on Monday.

When I started weaving, it was much the same.

I would set up a schedule with all my 'due dates' - shows, teaching, articles, then rely on the pressure of those 'looming' deadlines to help power me through to completion.  Adrenaline is a wonderful thing.  

Mostly that worked.  At the time.

I promised an article to be delivered today, but now I'm faced with the final formatting, and it's going to take me all day - at the very least - plus I have to wait until I'm actually threading the loom before I can take a photo of that, plus the few other photos that still need to be taken.

And this morning?  I donwanna.  

The problem is, I decided I needed the article to be done and now I've committed to doing it...the pressure is on, but my body is just flat out refusing to co-operate.

This week hasn't been a 'good' week due to pain and even though relief has been promised, it will take several days before I can begin the new pain meds and a couple of weeks before I can get the injection.  Because I don't have just one source of pain, I have two. (Well, more, but the rest I can treat with ordinary painkillers.)  That's me, overachiever special snowflake.

Sometimes one is worse than the other, sometimes they come like gleeful evil twins to make me double miserable, but either one can knock me off my feet (at times literally).

For anyone who has never had chronic pain, it is a constant drag on one's energy.  When spoons are already sparse, it doesn't take much to just tip the balance.  Today is one of those days.

I did actually get the new warp beamed and *most* of the necessary photos taken yesterday, but correlating the digital images to the text is going to take time, especially because there are process photos, and those need to be inserted into the text *in order*.  And the changes between them are minute (in some cases), tiny enough to be difficult to see in a thumbnail.  

So, it is going to take time to carefully go through everything and make sure it is all correct - or there will be confusion.

And the whole point of writing the article is to reduce confusion, not add to it.

This morning I commented to my spouse that I need to stop offering to do things.  The challenge is, when I feel I am ideally suited to tackle something, it's the old 'if not you, who; if not now, when' mantra.

In part I desire to leave something of my knowledge behind for others to build on.  In part I feel I have skills with words in order to explain complex processes.  (That may be my ego talking.)  In part it feels necessary to provide information to people who may be having difficulty finding information.

(I have recently been doing a deep dive into topics I know little about and NOT finding the information I need - for several things going on in my life - and it's been frustrating as hell.)

People refer to Magic in the Water as a 'classic' and it rarely comes available for sale.  It makes me feel like all the stress and worry and financial resources required to produce it, were worth it.  Too soon to tell if The Intentional Weaver will be considered such, and Stories, well, that was a 'vanity' project, in many ways.  The next 'book' will also be a 'vanity' project and I doubt many copies will sell.  Because it will be specifically for a very tiny slice of a very tiny niche market.

With chronic pain draining my energy every day, I am finding myself less and less inclined to do much other than just please myself.  And as I cross these looming deadlines off my list of things-to-be-done, I am hoping very much that I stop volunteering to do yet *more* things.

Says she, who just offered to organize a workshop for the local guild (NOT with me but a different weaver - because *I* am *supposed* to be 'retired'), and then source an instructor for another workshop for next year.

Because I have the contacts.  I know the people.  I can choose a 'good' instructor for my guild members to learn from.

If not me, who?  If not now, when?

Long past time to get dressed, have lunch, then start sifting through photos and make a numbered list of photos and where they are to be inserted into the text I've managed to write (and have had an alpha reader vet, so I'm satisfied with the text, at least.)  

I just have to make it through the next few days and then *some* of the pressure will be relieved, and some of the things that need doing will be put in process.  Because Life keeps Happening, and time/energy is limited.  I need to keep going - because when you are going through 'hell' you have to keep going - no point in stopping while you are in hell, amirite?

Looming Deadlines

 

tension box top view

tension box side view - extra dowels for additional tension

The past month has been...challenging...but hopefully things will start to get 'better' now, instead of the constant slide downwards.

It appears that the pain I've been experiencing is not so much the damaged disc as it is the SI joint, given the diagnostic injection last week provided relief and actual improvement in my functionality.  I still feel 'fragile' but part of that is due to the loss of physical fitness I have noted over the proceeding months/years.  I'm just not as fit as I was and therefore don't have the level of strength necessary to keep doing what I've always done - before.

I should be getting an injection of corticosteroid into the joint in the next few days - just waiting for the booking clerk to phone to schedule it.  In the meantime, I will also be getting a new 'off label' drug which will hopefully help with the peripheral neuropathy in my feet.  The doctor isn't sure it will help, but is willing to let me try and see.

If, after those things happen, I feel 'better' I am hopeful I can begin building strength/fitness again.

Not being able to weave for two weeks, then only at half speed since, it has taken 'forever' to get the warp off the loom, but it happened at long last and I'm in the midst of beaming the next.

While I do the new warp, I'm taking photos.  Lots and lots of photos.  The goal is to document the process - as *I* do it - and see if School of Sweet Georgia wants to use it as supplement to the class on sectional beaming that we filmed almost exactly one year ago.  If they don't want it, I *may* offer it as a monograph.  TBD.

I'm not saying my way is the only way, or the best way, just that my way is how I've done it for about 4 decades and it has worked well for me, plus I point out things to watch out for because they can cause issues.  People interested in beaming sectionally may find this information helpful as they work through learning the process, using their equipment.  Because like everything else about weaving, it depends.

I have firm opinions about which processes/tools I prefer, but mine may not work for others.  Everyone needs to think through the process given their requirements and do what is 'best' for them.

Last I heard there were still only two people registered for the class in October and I really don't have sufficient spoons to re-design that, if it is going to be cancelled anyway.  So, I'm ignoring the fact that if it goes ahead, the drafts should already be sent out so participants can dress their loom.  There may be a mad scramble if it does go ahead.  Or I may just cancel on my own.

Much depends on how much 'better' I feel after I get the new regimen for pain control happening.

In the meantime, I'm hopeful the colours I chose for the new warp (not shown in the photo - that's an old photograph) will work nicely together after all.  I'll know better once I actually begin beaming, later today.  As always, before the actual 'work' can begin there is a boatload of preparation.  I completed most of that yesterday, but doing the photos/documentation is taking a lot longer than just going ahead and getting that warp beamed.  However, I have no appointments today, so if I can keep at it I should be able to complete that part today, process the photos and get them inserted into the document, and get that file sent off.  

And *then* I can start threading.  

New warp.  New possibilities.  What fun!

Today is the Day!

 

Today is the day!  I don't remember when I put this warp into the loom, but the enforced hiatus, then reduced work capacity means that it has taken 'forever' to weave it off.  Well, not really, but it feels like forever.

I used up all of the red and wove the last towels in hunter green.  Overall, I'm pleased with them.  Based on previous designs, I'm pretty sure I will be happy enough with them once they are wet finished.  The trip through the washer/dryer/press doesn't change them radically, but they become less 'thready' to view, and of course, structural integrity increases as does the drape.  So I'm happy enough with them.

The next warp is ready to go.  I'm out of natural white so I bought some dark blue yarn.  Now I'm questioning if I bought the 'right' combination because I bought three different colours - an almost black navy blue, a 'marine' blue that is very close in value and hue, and...a mid-range value blue that may stick out like a sore thumb.  But I only bought exactly enough yarn to make a warp, so I have to go with it.  If it looks terrible I can order in more of the dark blues and leave the mid-range aside, but I won't know until I get it into the loom and weave with it.

I still have some of the forest green, a dark greenish tinged dark blue and a mid-range blue along with bits of other colours - white, mostly.  I was thinking of delft - using that white on the darker blue might look like Delft pottery.   I *think* the 3 blues will look ok with the darker value wefts, but I won't know for sure until it's done.

My goal for today is to finish the last bit of this warp, then I have to get set up for a Zoom presentation tomorrow, re-read the text for an 'article' to go with the sectional beaming class (launch via SOS in November), and get ready for the AGM tomorrow night.  

It will be a 'quiet' day and I don't actually have to leave the house, so hopefully I can get all of that done because deadlines are definitely looming.

Anyway, here is the next warp:

Stories from the Matrix - Book Review by V

 

"My textile book collection consists almost entirely of technical 'how-to' sort of volumes:  pattern books, books with weaving drafts or knitting charts in, and the odd bit of textile history.  Many of these are aspirational books; things that I really want to somehow find the time to explore, to learn.  Stories from the Matrix is unlike anything else I own, and is perhaps not something I'd ordinarily choose, as my shelf space is limited and I tend to try and get the best bang for my buck space-wise by only filling it with books that set out to show me how to do something.

After reading Stories from the Matrix though, I think that tactic was a mistake.  I decided to give this a try as I've seen Laura speak a couple of times, and read plenty of her writing, and find her stories and her perspective interesting, as well as being aware she is an excellent weaver and really applied herself to learning to weave quality pieces in an ergonomic and efficient way.  I expected this book to be heavy on the storytelling and the philosophy, and it certainly doesn't disappoint in those respects, but more than that, it's been surprisingly educational and enlightening about technical weaving topics too.

The essays are in no particular order, giving the book a companionable air, like you are hanging out with Laura in her studio while she weaves, discussing whatever comes to mind, from her travels when learning to weave, musings on how our ancient ancestors must have discovered string and yarn to fascinating technical details on weaving itself.  While the book didn't market itself as being one that would teach me about weaving and enable me to be a better and more efficient weaver, there are enough tips and tricks in there that I think it's going to be every bit as deserving of shelf space as my collection of how-to books.  There were several point during reading I found myself mimicking hand motions that Laura described to help myself understand what she was explaining, which likely earned me a few looks in the waiting room I was in at the time!

For those who don't weave, there will be a few essays which are slightly too technical or hard to follow, but the accompanying pictures help clarify the points being made, and many of the stories are widely applicable to all sorts of crafts and other skills, the weaving is just the medium of telling the story rather than the point of the story itself.  I'd highly recommend this book to anyone who is interested in the process of creating things with their hands and who would like to take a step back and examine the process from a wider perspective.  Laura's status as an excellent weaver and teacher as well as a perpetual student, always learning, as well as her innate storytelling ability make this book a wonderful read, either to dip into and read one essay at a time, or to read cover to cover if you can't wait to get more of her insights.

This book, while not fitting into one simple category on my shelves, happily straddles them all, covering technical points, historical and modern methods, and also nicely fits into my 'aspirational' category as a reminder to always be open to improving my methods, learning new things, and seeing old things from new perspectives.'

Wearing ALL the Hats

 

North American society seems to have one and only one metric for measuring 'success'.  Money.

As such, money isn't a 'bad' token.  Generally currency is regional, and if it is regulated, people from different regions can fairly easily trade with each other using a 'trusted' token, and be fairly certain they are not getting cheated in the transaction.  There are books about the history of money and standardized measurements.   (For the development of the metric system, The Measure of All Things by K. Alder is quite fascinating.)

With the decrease of societal valuation of things that do not produce money, such as hobbies or recreational activities, there has arisen the attitude that anyone who does something as a hobby - generally a creative one, such as weaving, but also photography, pottery, etc. - pressure comes for practitioners to 'monetize' their leisure activity.

This is usually said by someone who a) knows zilch about the activity and b) zilch about running a business.  Because that is what they are suggesting - that the weaver, etc., not only weave as a hobby, but then run a business.  All in their 'leisure' hours.  Because the flip side of that whole equation is that they ALSO don't believe that being a weaver, etc. is a 'valid' job, either.  Even when you actually do it as your profession.  

With that one sentence "You should monetize your hobby", they whiff away the intrinsic value of being creative, just for its own sake, and demean the level of work involved in then trying to sell what you make.  They don't believe that it takes skill and LABOUR - as in hours of work - to make what you are making.  They have no concept of the process or the knowledge the maker needs to have in order to make a quality product.

Neither do they have any understanding of the legal/logistical requirements of running a business, nor would they probably bother with being 'legal'.

Those of us (even I am still on the periphery of the community) who have actually earned an income from what we make smile wanly and nod.  

All of that said, it IS possible to sell on a very low key basis.  But it still takes time and effort, everything from websites (pretty much required these days) and all the upkeep they take, to packaging (because if we are selling from a website we are shipping stuff), the marketing et bloody cetera.  Getting excellent photographs (another skill) is essential when selling online and it can be really hard to get accurate colour (and even if you do, it all hinges on the viewers computer displaying that colour accurately.)

For weavers there is the possibility that a local guild may participate in a local sales event and sell guild members' work.  Which is about as low key as you can get.  Be prepared to pay a % of your sale price to the guild for the service of renting the space (if they have to pay a rental fee - sometimes they can pay in volunteer hours - *so then volunteer if you can*), setting up and tearing down the booth, making the sales, collecting whatever taxes are legally required to be collected and remitted.  Be prepared to have *legal* fibre content tags, including care instructions, and *legal* fibre content listed.  The % you pay in commission covers the staffing of the booth as well (again, volunteer if you can, and DON'T just 'sell' your own work, for goodness sake!) and the banking/credit card fees and gives the guild a little income to keep being a guild. 

There are all sorts of versions of how to earn an income in the textile field, but none of them come without effort.

For me, I designed, then wove textiles.  I had to keep coming up with new designs every year.  I had to source the yarns to make the designs and ensure I had sufficient yarn inventory on hand so that I could make enough inventory to cover the show season.  If I ran out of yarn I was hooped as it would take a minimum of two weeks to get more yarn.  

After I wove the fabric, it had to be dry and wet finished.  Then the labels attached, then carefully stored (for months before the event because you can't produce $40,000 worth of textiles in a couple of months) before money started coming in.

Booths were applied for and deposits paid months in advance of the event.  So, money going out for yarn and booth rentals, 6 months before I could see any income.  And even then, there was no guarantee anyone would actually purchase.  Sometimes when the folk in my booth turned their noses up, they would make snide comments about 'high' prices.  Just loud enough for me to hear, but not directly to me, so no chance to comment - not that I really wanted to.

So I also wrote articles for publication.  Most magazines have a minimum of a six month lead time, so again, all the work was done months before I got paid.  And they rarely paid much.  It was more a way to get my name 'known' for teaching.

I booked workshops.  Then I had to be travel agent and set up the 'tour'.  Again paying for the entire trip well before the events and any hope of compensation.  I took to supplying all the yarn - so that I knew I would get guaranteed results.  (Started doing that after two workshops in a row on wet finishing when I specified *wool* yarn and several people turned up with acrylic warps 'because I wanted to use what I had on hand, not buy something'.)  That meant I had to sort the yarn and the drafts, which I would customize for each group given how many 8 and 4 shaft looms they had available), print out the drafts, then box it all up and mail.  Again, weeks before the workshop so that the participants would have enough time to dress their looms.  It also meant I had to have a 'teaching' stash, not just a production stash.

I was told other teachers would bring textiles to sell, so I began to do that as well, and sometimes I would sell out of all of the tea towels I had brought.  This was a welcome addition to my pocketbook because it was not 'budgeted' - it was a bonus.

In addition to all of the actual *weaving* and *teaching* tasks, I had to keep inventory - yarn and product -  keep track of my expenses/income, balance my books, collect/remit the sales taxes, pay my bills, arrange financing when necessary (which it was from time to time, my income being cyclic in nature, not steady).  I had to schedule my calendar making sure I wasn't double booking myself, then be my own travel agent setting up my trips.  

Since NA is a large continent, I frequently hopped time zones on top of some very stressful trips due to weather or other things.  I can't tell you how many driving trips I white knuckled through winter driving conditions - since going east meant going through the Rocky Mountains.  And rain.  I hate driving in the rain, and they don't call the west coast the wet coast for nothing.  I also don't like driving in big cities, and yet I began to make several trips to big cities every year.  Eventually I got 'better' at dealing with city traffic, but I never enjoyed it, especially in the rain.

Years of dragging heavy suitcases and cases of yarn/books took their toll on my body, and the hours of sitting in the van or on a plane weren't much better.  Add to that extensive food allergies and the lack of 'safe' food and, well, let's just say I'm not actually missing any of that anymore.

Being semi-retired means I have closed my 'business'.  I no longer collect/remit sales taxes.  When I sell on consignment, the seller does that for me.  I *do* declare what little money I earn from teaching or my sales on ko-fi when I send in my income tax.  But my weaving is no longer a business.  I make what I want, when I want.  I sell through the local guild and another consignment shop.  The workshop in October will be my last in-person workshop.  With only 2 registered so far, it will likely 'fail'.  And I'm not actually too bothered if it does.

I've taught for 48 years.  I expect I will continue to 'teach' but in the way I want, which is primarily via the written word.

Does that mean I have book 4 happening?  Another tiny slice for an already niche market.  I doubt I'll sell many copies.  

I still have the next class for School of Sweet Georgia, which will launch in November, and I am supposed to be working on the documentation for that.  Since that deadline is 'looming', that will be my priority for the coming week.  The file is mostly complete, but I need to add photos, and for that I need the current warp to come off the loom so I can take photos of the process.  Given my back spasm, that means I'm two weeks 'behind' schedule.  But I am back to weaving, albeit at a much slower pace, and the warp should come off the loom Tuesday.  

Wednesday I have a 7:30 am Zoom presentation, then the phone call with the pain doctor, and in between I will attempt to get the photographs taken.  

(All of this is to say...if you have a supplier in the fibre field, and some 'spare' cash, maybe make a purchase once in a while.  Your sale may be the tipping point in them eating - or not - that month.)

Find a Publisher (they said)

 

This morning someone posted the payment rates for music streaming services with the comment that across all platforms they earned, on average, about $30/month.

Per *month*.

They commented that when they perform live they offer CDs for sale, but many people will ask for which streaming service they can download their music from and they know that they will receive a pittance.

I felt that comment even though I'm not a musician.  I am, however, an indie producer of writing, who has chosen to self-publish all three of my 'books' and frequently smaller monograph type publications.

When I'm online, I frequently see authors who share photos they have received of their books 'in the wild'.  They will share book reviews from satisfied readers.

Welp.  I invited people to send me reviews (if they liked the book).  So far I've seen one or two Stories from the Matrix photos in the 'wild'.  I have had quick notes from people as they received their copies, but so far?  No reviews I can share (word of mouth), here or elsewhere.

I can only conclude that Stories has been a major disappointment to those who bought their copies.  But that is my Inner Critic rubbing salt into wounds.  I know that many people read this blog and never comment here, but have taken the time to either tell me in person (when I used to travel to teach) or emailed and thanked me for my writing.

I have had people let me know when Magic has (re)sold, quite frequently at an equal or even much higher price than what I charged back in 2002.  Obviously some people still think it is/was a valuable resource.  

And I know that frequently word of mouth never travels back to the creator.

But in the absence of (much) feedback...

So here's the deal.  Send me a photo of a copy of one of my books in your studio, or on a weaving adventure, or a book review, and I will collect them and then choose one to receive 2 free tea towels.  It's a contest!  Everyone loves a contest ammirite?

How long will this contest last?  Until Canadian Thanksgiving, which is Oct. 9, 2023  midnight.  That gives you the time to read (reread) one of my books, take a fun photo, write a short blurb, and EMAIL to me, laura at laurafry dot com

If you send more than one such entry, (I *have* written 3 books, after all) your name will get put into the draw as many times as you send entries.  Sending such an entry automatically gives permission to use what you send on my social media - anonymously, as in I will not use your name, just initials.

In the meantime I'll be over here banging out an article to go with the sectional beaming class at School of Sweet Georgia, to be launched in November...(while my editor works on a 4th 'book', potentially to launch on Dec. 2.)

What the hell, if I can't weave (much) I can still bang away at the keyboard...

Because I Can

 

'four leaf clover'

This isn't really a four leaf clover, of course I know that.  But I need to name my weaving files with something that I will remember later, just in case I want to do the draft again - or modify it, use it as a stepping stone to another design.

I'm quite pleased with how this design turned out.  It took a while, requiring several iterations before I arrived at this one.  Using weaving software makes me a 'better' designer because I don't stop at one or two attempts but will keep going until I am finally satisfied I have something I want to weave.  

While I stopped exploring here and dressed the loom, as I have been weaving it I can see where I can further tweak it and create other variations.  And I probably will.  Because I'm not done with the mercerized cotton.  Yet. 

I will frequently design a different sequence for the hem area.  This can 'frame' the main body of design rather than have the motif run off the ends of the towels.  Sometimes I don't bother, but sometimes it pleases me to have such a border.

With this design the size of the motif is such that the hem 'border' will actually be hidden within the folds of the hem.  But I still chose to change the treadling for the hem.  I do that as a signal to me that I'm nearing the end of that towel.  It gives me a head's up I can stop weaving soon and I find a little spurt of energy to see me through to the end.

Not so much after the massive muscle spasm in my back.  Right now I'm only weaving for 30 minutes, which is half a towel.  But I still find that when I see the hem begin to appear in the cloth it gives me a frisson of satisfaction.  One more towel!

Does it matter I take the few minutes to add a special hem area?  Not really.  Especially when no one but me knows it exists.  But I do it because I can.  It gives me satisfaction and costs me just a few minutes of my time.  And every single time I come to the end of the towel with the signal of the end due to the changed treadling for the hem, I get another little sense of satisfaction.  Over a 20+ yard warp and 20 or so towels, that's a lot of satisfaction for little effort.

At this point in my life I am primarily weaving for me.  So the very first person I need to satisfy is me.  I hope that others will find what I do appealing, but first and foremost I am weaving, now, for myself.  To learn more.  To explore more.  To feel pleasure in the results.  But also for the physical benefits of doing some aerobic activity every day (if I can).  It is important as we age to keep physically active, within our personal health limitations.  So I weave.

We make choices every day.  I choose to focus on being creative.  Being physically active (as best I can be).  I am grateful for every day I can weave, and thankful for those who encourage me here and by purchasing my textiles on ko-fi.*  

I choose to focus on what I *can* rather than what I *can't*, although some days are easier than others to maintain that focus.  The past few years have been a whittling away of what I *can* do, which has been difficult.  So it has become ever more important to focus on the *can*.  

And keep going.  As Winston Churchill has reportedly said - when you are going through hell...keep going...

*still 3 signed copies of Stories from the Matrix on ko-fi - or purchase from blurb, print or pdf