Little by Little

 

 

Got started weaving this warp yesterday.  I'm pretty pleased with it, although I'm still uncertain which side will be the 'right' side.  

As a design, it could have used a bit more tweaking, but otoh, it's ok.  The two circles are slightly different not identical, and I decided that I was ok with that.  On the next draft I played around with circles until I got them the same, although it meant a little fudging elsewhere in the design.  However, it was acceptable - to me.

The good news is that I'm very nearly 'done' weaving the mercerized cotton.  This warp plus the next might be 'enough'.  There will still be some merc. cotton left, but I still have all my bobbin lace stuff and 2/20 merc cotton works well for bobbin lace.  My eyes can't handle the really fine threads anymore, so the thicker cotton will be a good re-introduction if I decide to pull my lace pillow out again.  

There will be some of the dark blues left for warp, so after that I will likely do 32 epi, and then start using up some of the 2/16 unmercerized yarns that I have left.  Once I was 'done' I kept finding more tucked away in corners.  Recently I 'found' more linen.  Another corner find.

At some point I'll need to deal with the fine rayon yarns I have, and those will likely get made into scarves.  However, right now I have plenty of scarves made, so partly I'm waiting to see how many scarves sell over the coming sales events.  It's all well and good making stuff - it needs to get sold, too!

The not-so-great news is that I probably overdid it yesterday, even though I *thought* I was being 'careful' and wound up with pain levels that interfered with sleep.  Again.  This morning is better, and I have chiro this afternoon so I'll weave just one session this morning, then work on tagging some of my inventory, getting it ready for Studio Fair, coming up soon.  Last night I printed out labels and will stick them to my hang tags this afternoon, then start sorting out the towels that need to be tagged/priced.  And maybe start boxing them up.

Because we also need to clean up some of the clutter in the basement as we should be getting a new furnace/heat pump by the end of the month - all being well with delivery of the equipment.  Be nice if they didn't have to trip over piles of rubble to do their job.  

I have made a few inroads on some of my clutter, but it's overwhelming and since I haven't been feeling great it's taking a lot longer than I'd hoped to finally clear some of it out of my studio and life.  I'm hoping once I get onto the higher dose of painkiller I'll have more energy to go with the desire to have a tidier house.  One of the benefits of the new drug is that it doesn't come with brain fog.  

Time will tell if it works or if I need to go back onto the opioids.  Something I'm working hard to not have to do.

Life is all about balancing.  Some days it is easier than others.  

Attitude of Gratitude

 

seen in the 'wild'

Today is Thanksgiving Day in Canada.  I am working on Gratitude.

There are so many things 'wrong' in this world it is sometimes understandable that we forget to be grateful for what we have, while we work towards making things better.  For others as well as ourselves.

It's been a rough while for me - as for many others.  And while I try every day to remember the good things in my life, there are times when that becomes difficult.

So today is a reminder to be more conscious about being thankful for what I have.

As I struggle to remain positive and forward looking, I have been carefully removing things from my life.  While I am primarily an introvert who enjoys interactions with others, the past 3.5 years has been challenging.  And it is NOT over.  Covid is not gone, people have mostly just given up trying to reduce it.  They want 'normal' and they want it now.  I, and others like me, do not have that luxury.  

However, I want to focus on gratitude, not loss, today.

First and foremost, I have the privilege of living in a relatively 'safe' country, wearing a white skin.  I am currently relatively secure with a roof over my head and food in the pantry.  I have friends who care for me, and about my safety from things like an air borne virus.  

I have heard from students that I am leaving a legacy.  Which warms the cockles of my heart.  Believe me when I say that travelling thousands of miles to teach in multiple locations has been rewarding but also extremely challenging at times.  And yes, I have stories, just like every other travelling instructor has travel stories.  But I have been places, met people, I would never have done if I had never set foot on this journey.

My classes online will continue for as long as people want them, I suppose.  When I review the video there are moments I cringe, but my friends tell me I'm far too harsh on myself.  So I will try to find acceptance for the fact I am still here, still trying to learn.  Still weaving.  As I learn more, I will continue to share what I learn.  And accept that I am a 'woman of substance'.  Or as my nurse friend said, I have 'resources'.  

Last week I had a conversation with a weaver who wondered why some of their yarns were 'different'.  After talking about that for a while they were inspired to dig out all the different yarns labelled the same 'size' and do a deeper than surface look at them.  And to my delight they shared their findings with me.  It was validation of what I had observed, but so few people follow through and then share that exploration with me.  I cherish those interactions.  We both came out of that conversation knowing more, having a deeper understanding of yarn and how it behaves.

I try to remain mindful that 'my' way is NOT the 'only' way.  I try to encourage folk to find the way that works 'best' for them.  Whether any of my books remains in the weaving community beyond my lifetime is not something I will ever know.  So I appreciate when people let me know that they have found my writing, articles/books, useful.  Helpful.  Some have let me know that having The Intentional Weaver beside them is like having me beside them.

All of this is to say that I am well aware that there are a lot of things 'wrong' in this world.  It will take more effort than any one person to fix them.  I hope that we can.  

Sitting in my studio making hand woven tea towels seems frivolous.  But using my creativity and bringing beauty (one hopes) into the world seems like a good thing to do, when so much darkness is out there.  I am not unaware of all of the horrible things happening but since I cannot prevent or fix them, I do what I *can* do, and that is to focus on positivity and light and knowledge.

With just the two of us we don't bother with a big turkey dinner.  That doesn't make us any the less grateful that we have food.  And while we can't fix 'everyone' and their problems, we try to help as many people as we can.

When you have enough, build a bigger table.  Light someone else's candle.  

A New Week, A New Warp

 

florets  - showing hem area and repeats of the motif

Well, not, quite - it depends on when you begin counting your week (is it Sunday?  Or Monday?)

I've just finished threading the next warp - the one inspired by the Snail's Trails and Cat's Paws motif so well known from being used as overshot - but which can also be woven in twill blocks.  There is some speculation that overshot was developed in order to create more 'ornate' and/or larger designs than can be easily done with 'only' four shafts.  Certainly there is evidence that the motif was already well known in the 16-1700s, given I found it in one of the two German weaver's pattern books translated by Patricia Hilts.  Which gave me the idea to convert some of the other smaller overshot designs into twill blocks.

After the injection Friday, with lots of warnings ringing in my ears about taking it 'easy', not 'pushing' myself, I did just that.  Since I was feeling 'off' it wasn't a hard decision to make.  But over the rest of Friday and into Saturday, the pain did begin to wear off.

It wasn't altogether gone, and may never go away entirely, given the peripheral neuropathy.  OTOH, I'm taking a medication to see if it will work for that.  We are running the experiment, in the absence of actual studies being done, but based on other conditions where it IS helpful, my pain doctor was willing to let me give it a try.

One of the light duties I did while 'resting' was fiddle around with the Snail's Trails threading and see if I could understand the weave structure better and get something closer to what I wanted.  It took a while, and it's nothing spectacular, but I was able to push, pull and prod it into something that I can weave and gained a greater understanding of how the weave structure works.

This is now in the queue for the warp after the one I just threaded.  Unless I decide the design is too 'static' (which it is) and I want to mess with it further.  Which may well happen.  Weaving drafts are not writ in stone and have Fiberworks, can edit.  OTOH, it's fine.  It's 'classic' with a 'rose' counter changing evenly and it feels very, I don't know, traditional?  And there is nothing wrong with a little tradition.

It is a rather warm autumn day - far warmer than 'normal' - but given Doug is trying to get the new screen door installed, having a nice warm day is a bonus since the back door has been standing open for a while.  We are trying to get a few maintenance things done before winter sets in, and in addition to Life continuing to lob curve balls at us, it's taken a bit longer than expected to get everything done.  So this milder weather, while concerning, is quite pleasant.

It is still early enough in the day I'm hoping to get the warp sleyed and tied on, then wind bobbins, and then, who knows, set up the laptop so I can begin weaving tomorrow.  One more day of 'rest' will not go amiss, I'm sure.  But I'm eager to see how the Snail's Trails and Cat's Paws weaves up in this weave structure, so I'm looking forward to beginning tomorrow.

Economies

 

Set up, ready for beaming

Last week I was trying to get prepared for the days after the SI joint injection.  I was nearing the end of the current warp, trying to figure out if I would/could get it done in time to beam the next warp before the injection.

As the days counted down I became convinced that I probably could get the warp off, especially when I realized what was left on the beam was, very likely, less than what I needed for one more towel.

The beam on the Megado is just 14.5" in circumference, and my towels generally require between 40 and 44 inches of warp.  By the time I factor in take up, dimensional loss during wet finishing, and the hems, I need that much to get a towel about 30-32" in length.

Doubtful there was that much left on the loom, I cut the warp off.

Yes, I could have woven until I couldn't and wound up with a towel that was shorter than I wanted, but why?

I took 20 towels off the loom - I didn't need an 'orphan' that was off size.  Goodness knows, WE have plenty of towels, and I have lots ready for sale.  My seconds get given away to friends, and yes, I could have woven that last bit of warp and then given it away.

OR, I could do what I did - cut the warp off, which then gave me time to beam the next warp before the injection.

Because I don't like playing yarn chicken and running out, nor do I like spending my time making something that is just going to be given away, when I can invest my time in producing a new warp where I can make things I *can* sell.  (I make enough oopsies that I already give plenty of stuff away - I don't need to be making more just to give it away because it isn't sale-able.)

The yarn I would have 'wasted' by trying to get one more towel out of that warp plus my time, seemed like a poor way to spend both my money and my time.

Out of curiosity, I weighed the thrums and there were 3.75 ounces of yarn that went into the recycle bin.  (I give my thrums to another craftsperson - they don't go into the landfill.)

I don't remember the current price I pay for Brassard cotton, but I think it's around $8 for 8 ounces.

So, what I threw into the bin was about $3.75.  About the cost of a fancy coffee at Starbucks.

And yet?  People urged me to not 'waste' that yarn, but weave it down, whatever I made could be used for something.

Yes, indeed, it could.

But I would have spent my time doing it while instead I now have a new warp beamed, ready to be threaded, as soon as I feel able to do so.

As weavers we need to be aware of where we spend the coin of our time, not just what is in our bank account.  I learned a very long time ago that I could always earn more money, but once my time had been 'spent', there was no getting it back.  During these twilight years of my life it has become even more obvious that my time is limited.  I don't want to 'waste' my time doing stuff that I don't enjoy, just so that I don't 'throw away' a few dollars of yarn.  I need to preserve my time AND my energy, both of which are in short supply these days, and can never be recovered once spent.

That said, I DO still need to sell my stuff.  Which is why I have a ko-fi account where I can list things for sale.

I cannot explain how much it means to me that other weavers continue to buy my textiles.  It is a great compliment and I treasure it.

My first weaving instructor would buy towels from me.  At a craft fair one year, she was purchasing some towels and one of the other guild members came by and expressed astonishment that our teacher would buy towels from me when she could make them herself.

She turned to the other weaver and said (and I paraphrase) "Yes, I *could* weave them, but look at them!  I'll never work with 2/20 mercerized cotton like this!  So, yes, I'm buying Laura's towels."

It was a message I took to heart.  We don't have to do everything ourselves.  We can work with what we want to work with, while still appreciating (and supporting) the work of other weavers.

So for those weavers who DO like to play yarn chicken and use up every inch of warp?  Go you!  Do what you want to do.  Find your joy.  Do what brings you pleasure.  But you can also change your mind if and when circumstances change.  Because as time goes by, sometimes our priorities need to change, too.  And it's ok to change, to prioritize something else.

As far as the injection goes - I was warned the pain could be 'worse' after the lidocaine wore off, so not to be surprised if I had higher pain today.  So, I'm not surprised, but I am a bit disappointed that I do have more pain today.  However, I have a load of towels ready to be pressed.  I will try threading again, see how it goes.  But I will try really hard to NOT stress my back and if it takes me all weekend to get the warp threaded, so be it.

Little by Little

 

Once again, I have made plans.  Careful plans.  The way I do, because for my entire life I have had to be extremely careful about expenditures.

So we thought carefully, decided that really we did *need* to replace the furnace, and - given current goings on  - changing to a heat pump with natural gas backup was the 'best' way for us to proceed.

It was more expensive than replacing the furnace with another natural gas furnace, and we carefully counted out our resources.  Given we had also committed to purchasing a hybrid vehicle and are in line for a 2024, this was stretching our resources very thin.

And then.  

And then.

The van needed a brake job.  The kitchen window had one too many bird strikes and the seal is now broken, and needs to be replaced.

We both needed new boots.

Yesterday the keyboard on the desktop gave up the ghost.

Given I do a lot of work on the desktop, we scrounged around, found an old one and I was all set to make do - until the London Drugs flyer mentioned they had a 'gaming' keyboard on sale for not much more than the really cheap keyboards I had been buying.

So now I have a 'fancee' keyboard with lighted keys.

However, I also like the 'action' of the keys - the old replacement keyboard had a very spongy feel to them, plus the enter key was in the 'wrong' place and I was making typos every time I used the enter key.  Which is a lot.

Big expenses are not actually over because the house insurance needs to be renewed early in November.

So I am HOPEFUL that the injection I just got will do the trick and that I will be able to work with less pain and more energy.  I am HOPEFUL that the new meds will deal with the peripheral neuropathy, and that instead of hobbling around I will actually be able to function without thinking every step through before I take it.

My inner 30 something is chaffing at the delay, but all the advice is to - rest.  Light duties only.  Don't sit too long and seize up.  Don't overdo, or the injection will not work as it is supposed to do.

We have a brilliantly sunny day today.  The fall foliage is stunning.  I have a jigsaw puzzle, a book, new drafts to design.

My plans for the day are to chair hop, but not do 'too much' while not doing 'nothing'.

Told my massage therapist yesterday it feels like trying to find my balance on a teeter board.  

Anyway, if you want to buy some tea towels, or books...

Ko-fi shop

Books

Classes at SOS

Time Marches

 

One more sleep until I get the SI injection.  Frankly, it can't come too soon.  This week has been 'extra'.

I am transitioning from opioids to a new pain medication, one which cannot be taken *with* opioids, so for a week I had no effective pain control.  Now, I'm in the introductory dose of the new pain medication, and far from an *effective* dose.  Yet.

We aren't sure that the new drug will actually work on the pain being generated by the damaged SI joint, but the corticosteroid *should*.  

Between the two, I am hopeful that things will get a bit 'better' for me.

When I was a kid, I never felt very comfortable in my 'child's' body.  I felt...older.  I know I acted older - adults always commended me on my 'maturity'.  After my full growth, I was tall, with a 'bitchy resting face' so looked 'stern'.  This was an advantage for certain jobs.

Like the time I was working in the high school library as a clerk.  One of my jobs was to maintain 'order' - as in shush students who were talking loudly or being unruly.  

One day the other (junior) clerk came into my office space complaining about a table of noisy students, not wanting to confront them.  She was barely 2 years older than they were and I think felt a bit intimidated.  I told her I'd deal with them, then discovered the 'ring leader' of the unruly group was...my 'little' brother.

I approached the table they were sitting at from behind my brother with my bitchy resting face on.  A couple of the guys facing me noticed and muttered something just as my hand came down on the back of my brother's chair and I said "Don, you and your friends can go to the cafeteria if you want to visit; the library is for quiet studying."

And walked away.

At his memorial service one of the guys who had been at the table that day reminded me of that event and said that as they walked out of the library he had asked my brother who 'that bitch' was.  My brother muttered "My sister. Don't tell anyone."

I felt 'old' compared to that table of teens.  But I had always felt 'old', all of my life to that point.  It wasn't until I hit my early 30s that I suddenly felt like I 'fit' into my body.  Whatever makes me, me, appears to be about 30ish years old.

So now?  Now, I'm in my 70s with a body that has seen lots of work, lots of sweat and injury and pain and my inner 30 something is going what the hell?  

Intellectually I know precisely what is going on.  My meatsack (as some refer to our body) has had it's check engine light come on - again.  Only this time my ability to recover is diminished.

My inner 30 something 'me' is still ambitious.  Still curious.  Still wanting to do stuff.  My 70+ injured body is going, nope, nope, nope.

My struggle right now is to find enough spoons to continue to do what my inner self wants to do.  Keep weaving.  Keep teaching.  

But it gets harder every day.  The desire is there.  Oh, most certainly, the desire continues.  The energy spoon drawer is sadly empty.

My little plot of hope still blooms.  I watch the clock.  In 24 hours I will have had the injection, and based on the diagnostic jab 3 weeks ago, the effect should be pretty much immediate.

So I am tenderly feeding my little plot of hope, gratitude.  Because I *am* grateful I am still here.  I can stop and rest and then - hopefully - continue.

My brother cannot.

A Fragile Crop

 

Persistence

Yesterday I had a fairly long chat with my physiotherapist who has been encouraging and supportive of my current 'journey' in a body whose 'check engine' light has gone on (again).  I gave her an update on the journey since seeing her last, the new pain meds (still in the introductory dose stage, so not much evidence of pain control - yet) and the changes I've noticed in my body.

Not all of them are positive - on the surface - but given the length of the injury and the years my body has struggled to cope to continue on in spite of the injury, change can also be seen as positive, even when it means yet more pain in the short term.

Because muscles, once freed from chronic spasm and 'work' to keep moving are prone to let you know they are tired and a bit angry.

At the end, we talked about how important it is to remain hopeful, and she gave me an attagirl for my advocacy to the health professionals - including her - and that I can remain hopeful while we go through the process.

Frankly it's been damned difficult and the older I get, the more work it takes to tend my garden of hope.  We talked about the fragility of hope and how easy it is to lose heart for the continuing struggle and that gratitude was important to maintain hope.  

I also see others with huge struggles.  I try to encourage and support them, as best I can.  Sometimes just a message, a virtual hug.  Sometimes all I can manage is the thought because perhaps my email might be just one too many things to deal with knowing they are already overwhelmed.  And then I remember how much I appreciate a little "thinking of you" - nothing else - and send it anyway.  I don't expect a response, but hope that my little virtual hug/thinking of you message provides a little energy, a little comfort when everything is all just...Too Much. 

Since seeing the pain doctor locally I have been tending my garden of hope - doing my exercises, as best I can, and weaving, because it seems it doesn't make things worse, and I feel 'better' for having gotten to the loom.  Yay for self-generated endorphins?

Today I will weave one more towel, then remove the current warp so I can begin dressing the loom again.  I would like to do the beaming and threading before the injection on Friday and then if I need a couple of days to recover I will be looking forward to starting the Snail's Trails and Cat's Paws inspired draft.  The threading is printed out, the treadling loaded onto a thumb drive.

And my physiotherapist is hopeful that once the pain from my SI joint is under control that we can break through and make some actual progress towards strengthening my weakened muscles instead of just trying to hold back the continuing descent into more pain and disability.

Gotta go sprinkle some gratitude on my garden of hope...