Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Self Care

So what happens when 'self care' comprises two opposing urges?  When you feel so tired you can't even, but you are desperate to get stuff done, projects finished, goals met?

Nothing.  Nothing happens.

You don't 'rest' because you are busy beating yourself up for just sitting, doing literally nothing.

You don't actually accomplish anything.  At all.

One of the challenges right now is to get through the next 11 months with everything that needs doing, done.

Not all of my deadlines are arbitrary, of course.  The craft fair season begins - and ends - on specific dates.  As does my teaching schedule.  As does the conference.  And things are about to get very real on all of those fronts.

The book, on the other hand, is very much an arbitrary deadline.  The dates for photographing the projects is still to be determined, but sometime soon-ish.  But otherwise?  Totally and completely arbitrary.

Me, being me, needs to have a deadline.  Otherwise, things with firm deadlines will stampede over the other stuff - if I'm not very careful.

So - opposing urges.  To just sit and maybe read a book, possibly nap.  Or to get stuff crossed off my job list so that it is done, done.  And I can stop thinking about it, stop worrying about it, cross it off my list of stuff that needs to be done.  Which would actually make me feel a whole lot better about it all.

I need to deal with the goat trails in my studio so that the book photography can happen.  In order to do that, I'm trying to weave down the warps that are already wound.  I'm trying to go to the guild room once a week to spin in order to use up some of the heap of fibre stash taking up room in my studio.  I'm trying to knit down stash that is too much to toss, too little to weave with.  I'm trying to stay on top of the conference administrivia.  In a couple of days I will have to deal with my business sales tax report.

And I've 'wasted' two hours (so far) today feeling too tired to do any of it - even though it will make me feel better if I do just go do it.

So.  Onwards.

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