Over Sharing

 

My mother was always concerned about appearances.  As such, one of her mantras was that you 'don't share your dirty laundry in public'.

I never quite got the hang of not sharing what I go through.  I am sensitive, as mom accused me of (and it was an accusation, as if feeling was in some way 'bad') and sometimes people are unkind and it stings when they are.

When I started this blog I was still deep in grieving for my brother, but also dealing with some significant health issues.  And part of this blog was meant to be a kind of diary.  I had no idea if anyone but my closest friends would bother to read it and frankly?  It's still a bit shocking how many people do.

What is appreciated is the number of people who either comment publicly or send me private emails thanking me for being honest about what I am living with and the challenges I go through.

That my being open and honest about how I manage the challenges I face, helps them.  It lets them know they are not alone.  And that sometimes my coping mechanisms are helpful to them, either directly, or even just to realize that a coping mechanism for themselves is a possibility.  They just have to figure out what that might look like.

If my mother knew how much of my private life I share here on this public forum she would no doubt be extremely uncomfortable.  Don't get me wrong - I don't share everything!  But I do share the broad strokes.

Because we are all human beings.  We all go through stuff that makes life difficult.  While we may not have the same challenges, challenges there are.  And as humans 'being', one of the things that we have to overcome are things like physical injury or illness, grief, and general annoyance - like computers and software programs that keep changing until they are less effective than they were.

The only reason or purpose we have in life is what we choose.  Our motivation for getting up, dressed and on with our day.  

Personally I choose to be hopeful, helpful and mindful that not everyone has the resources I do.  

I choose to see all human beings as worthy..  To me it is what is in your heart that matters, not the colour of your skin.  

To those of you who have reached out after yesterday's vent, thank you.  I did what I felt I needed to do.  

Right now our society (N. America) appears to have been turned into a haven for bullies.  I will not be bullied.  I will stand up for myself.  I will stand up for others who might not be able to stand up for themselves.

The only thing a bully understands is that someone will not allow them to trample all over them.  My brother taught me that lesson when he was 8 and I was 14.  To make a bully stand down, you have to stand up.  He took on an older and larger bully and fought to a 'draw' - but the bully never bothered him or his friends again.

And right now?  That is a lesson we all need to be aware of.

So I will wear a mask even though the majority of people in this town aren't.  I will vote in the upcoming election (ours is Oct. 24).  

Right now I am trying to provide assistance to the fibre community by bringing presenters and audiences together.  I am not asking the presenters to do presentations for free but I am constrained by budgetary limits.  So I can't always pay them what they are asking.  BUT!  I am not telling them they are not worth what they are asking!  My budget shortfalls are not their problem!  So in some cases I have had to say 'sorry' I can't manage that.

However, during this journey of coming up with the series idea, contacting others to do presentations, I have also been contacted.  And so last night I used the handy coupon Zoom had emailed to me and bought the Pro version.  Because I am booked to do a presentation for a distant guild in (ack!) November!  Which means I have to figure out how Zoom works.  Now.

The fact that I can teach from home, not travel, not expose myself to germs and viruses, sleep in my own bed, eat safe food?  I can manage that.

And so, while I am 'retired', it was always meant to be retired from production weaving.  I was also not comfortable traveling great distances to teach so had decided to only teach for Olds.  However, those classes are not currently running due to the pandemic, but Zoom?  

I can do this.  (I think I can.  I think I can.  I think I can...)