Another Day

 

After days of deep overcast gloom, I woke up to blue skies (partially) and the sun popping up over the neighbour's roof.

It was a welcome sight, especially in view of the forecast which predicts it will remain like this for several days.  

On Sunday I increased my vitamin D and now, several days later, I think I can say it seems to be helping.  I have felt less drained, although only slightly.  While I still feel as though I'm draggin' a little red waggon, it doesn't have 50 pounds of potatoes in it.

One of the challenges is adjusting when things change in life.  I've always been pretty flexible when it comes to things happening.  But the gradual erosion of my physical health has been very difficult to adjust to.

When I was younger, I had hope that in time things would resolve and get better.  Now?  I'm not sure that they will get much better than they are presently.  In which case, I need to adjust to this new 'normal'.  Easier said than done.

My massage therapist has been very supportive and gives me feedback about how well I'm doing, but I remember 30 year old me.  And I am no longer that.  When I see health professionals, they inevitably say something like 'only to be expected at your age' or 'you're doing well for a person of your age'.  Little do they know how much that stings because inner 30 year old is not reacting well to being told she is 'old'.

But I am.  I have had a lifetime of life, living well beyond much of my extended family, and far beyond either my father (56 years old) and my younger brother (51 years old) when they each died.  

So I sit in gratitude that I am still here, even if I can't do as much as I used to be able to do.  I am grateful for the friends that I have, especially the ones that a) let me vent or b) help me work on acceptance.

I am grateful for the people who hold me accountable when I do or say something stupid.  That challenge me to peel another layer off my reality onion.

2020 was a difficult year.  But we made it.  Now we need to make it through 2021, tamp the pandemic down, then deal with climate change.

This little spell of partially sunny weather comes with too warm temperatures.  It isn't supposed to be above freezing over the winter.  Lakes and rivers have not frozen over in many cases.  The cycle of nature has been disrupted and is wobbling.  It is time for human beings to accept their role in the destructive nature of climate change and make choices that are better for the entire planet, not just their little part of the world.

I hear talk of funding alternative energy sources more robustly.  I hope that isn't just talk.  It is long past time to act.  Not just for oneself, but for the planet as a whole.

So ends today's personal TED talk...