Ego

 

12 more towels pressed, ready for hemming

This morning I spent about an hour pressing 12 more towels.  They came off the loom last Friday, got run through the washing machine on Thursday after burling (inspection) and mending, then finally got pressed today.

As I pressed the thought squirrels rampaged through my brain.  Not a lot of thinking required to press, so my mind...wanders...

Top of mind these days is Stories from the Matrix, so of course I thought about that, mostly.  

After running this way and that, up and down the neurons, I thought about 'ego' - what that means and that we all have one.

So I looked up the definition, just to make sure I understood the meaning of the word.  One dictionary says that 'ego' is 'a person's sense of self-esteem or importance'.  

Do I have an ego?  Of course I do.  I couldn't do what I've done for the past 40+ years without thinking that someone, somewhere would like my stuff enough to buy it.  Textiles, workshops, articles, books.

Am I 'egotistical'?   I guess that depends on what you think of me and my 'worth'.

I have been accosted by more than one person who literally said to me 'who do you think you are charging for your (insert product)?'

People can be very forthright about their opinions about other people's worth.  

Anyway, here I am, poised to launch book three.  Not a trilogy, but a 'hat trick' perhaps?  

You can't call any of my books 'best sellers', nor do I have any inclination of becoming a 'best selling' author.

Magic has become a 'classic' in the weaving world, I'm told.  The Intentional Weaver is probably too 'new' for much feeling for its 'worthiness'.  Both were very niche books for a niche market, not the mass book market.  I'm grateful to the people who have purchased both.

So, why on earth am I writing *another* book?

When I said I was doing TIW several people told me to just dump the contents of my brain box out on the page, but I knew that would never work.

In order to discuss a linear process, you have to address the information in a linear fashion.  

However, weaving as an endeavour is not linear!  And there are still too many people out there who don't understand the principles behind the craft, the layers and layers of 'it depends' considerations and how those considerations need to change as different choices are made in that linear process.  How the designer/weaver keeps circling around back to the 'beginning' as changes are made to the different qualities of the cloth - fibre choices, density, weave structure, design, wet finishing...

Plus I have stories.  Some of them do well to illustrate these principles.  Some document my growth.  Some of them speculate about the history of this craft in the face of almost no evidence barring extremely sparse physical finds that are only lately being valued.  The 'story' of textiles was, in fact, passed on by word of mouth and demonstration for millenia - do this, that happens.  Don't want that?  Do this instead, maybe that will come closer to what you want.

This whole project has come together very quickly, although as one person put it, it is all built upon 40+ years of experience.

I am in the twilight of my life and frankly I am wanting to leave something of what I know behind, in hopes of  helping others understand weaving on a deeper level.  To encourage them to dig deeper themselves, find the appropriate answers for what they want to do.  I see others (in other fields) talking about their 'legacy' and I guess I would like to think that I have one, as well.  (Yup, ego.)

But that 'legacy' is based on everything that has gone before.  And I want to acknowledge the people who have inspired, encouraged and supported me.

Some of my stories are personal growth.  I name some names, but others I do not name.  They will (if they read the essay they are referenced in) probably be able to recognize themselves.  I had to make some choices about who I named and who I did not.

If they are dead, I name them.  If they are people I know are providing good information and still active teaching, I largely name them.  Some I have asked permission to name them and they have graciously agreed.  But I didn't have the spoons to contact *everyone* who has ever inspired, encouraged or supported me and get their permission - so I did not name them.  Plus?  I didn't want the essays to be simply 'name dropping' when what I wanted to focus on was their part in my story.  Their impact on me.

The essays are...not linear.  They are about as close to taking the contents of my brain box and dumping it out on the floor.

I was tempted to title each essay 'chapter 1' like the Dancing Wu Li Masters.  Instead I gave them titles, hopefully indicative of their content, and then ordered them alphabetically by their title.  The intention is not a book that one sits down and reads cover to cover in order, but perhaps picks and chooses.  Maybe they want to learn more about me?  Several give my personal story.  Maybe they want to know about designing or being creative?  Several essays look at that.  Maybe they want to know more about fibres/yarns, or different types of equipment and which I prefer?  Some of those, too.

Why have I written these essays?  Largely because they are my stories and I wanted to tell them.  I've been told by enough people who read and leave comments on this blog or other social media that what I have to say resonates with them.  

So far two people have read all of the essays, several others have read one or a few.  Since it takes very little encouragement for me to continue, the positive response from these people has been enough to keep me going.  Despite the impostor syndrome.  (Who do you think you are, charging for your product?)

We are far enough along in the process now that my editor will come on Tuesday and we will make another sweep through the ms.  Pretty sure I want to do one more proof-read before we commit, and then final formatting will take place.

We are exploring the possibility of providing the pdf with a dyslexic font.  I know several of my students who deal with dyslexia, so if we can, why not?  I am not entirely sure that the print copy can be rendered in that font - it will be something my editor will have to find out when we get to the point of uploading the files to blurb.  And if we can't publish with the dyslexic font?  I can provide that directly via a Dropbox link.  But that will be Plan B.

Closer to launch date I will blast out the invite to the Zoom event again.  If you are on Facebook I made an event.  If you are not on Facebook, I will include the link here and on my ko-fi page.  Please feel free to share to your weaving friends.  The more the merrier.  It will be a book launch in which I will read one or two essays (tbd) and then you can ask me anything.  I won't promise to answer, but you can ask.

And if you find Stories (or my other books) valuable or even just interesting, do feel free to share that with your friends too.  I'm not a publishing house with a big advertising budget.  I will be sending copies to a few places in hopes of a review, but there is no guarantee they will be interested, so I have to plan on just me, tooting my own horn.