Onwards

 

The smoke is back.  It was worse this morning than it is now but it is coming in from the north and managing to catch us in it's 'skirts'.  It could be worse further east and definitely worse further north which is where the current smoke plume is coming.

So far we've been lucky, here.  Most fires are distant enough that we are not under any kind of actual fire threat, but the smoke blows where the wind takes it and today?  It's here.

Yesterday I met with my editor and we finalized some formatting issues.  She will come back on Sunday with those implemented.  Then, if there are no major changes to be made, I'll make one last read through and get the files back to her.  The plan is to have the completed pdf ready by the 20th so that I can start sending out my promo copies to the list of people I want to give one to.

Since we leave on the 24th, I need to do my promo marketing before I leave.  It takes time and people have lives to live, natural 'disasters' to deal with.  Ultimately my launch date is *my* deadline, and marketing will continue long after the launch - just like I do for Magic and TIW.  (Sorry, not sorry, self-publishing means marketing, too...)

This morning I was contacted by someone I had asked to review the pdf when it's ready, hoping they would/could do a book review and get it placed with a publication.  The answer was a resounding *yes* and an indication that the publication would welcome an interview.  The interview has already been booked.

I confess that when I read the positive response my first reaction was...fear.  All the inner critic comments washed over me in a wave and I had to take a deep breath and let them go by.  I closed my eyes and felt the fear and carefully did not reach out to grab any of it - just...let it flow by.

What can I say?  This is not my first ro-day-o.  And my inner critic is a familiar (and very unwelcome) voice that I have learned to shut my ears to as soon as I recognize it.  But still - the fear was there.  

"Feel the fear and do it anyway".  

How can I manage that?  I found having a very clear goal helps.  If I can hold onto that goal, remind myself that it is important - to me, if no one else - I can grab onto that goal, that anchor point, that goal 'post', if you will - and hang on until the fear finishes rushing by.  If I keep my hands in my pockets (or firmly around my goalpost) and not grab onto any of that fear, it will go by faster than if I start examining all the negative comments that swim in that wave of fear.

I confess to a certain level of wanting to please people, then when they aren't I feel like I've somehow 'failed' them.  But I also know that not every person is the correct teacher for someone and if they are disappointed in me, their best course of action is to find a different teacher.  

Life, like weaving, like learning about weaving, is an 'it depends' kind of thing.  And sometimes the lessons the student learns don't make sense until later.  Sometimes much later.  How do I know?  Because I have had that experience from the student point of view.

And sometimes the lessons we learn are not the one(s) we were expecting, but the one(s) we needed to learn.  And yes, I speak from personal experience about that, too.

Sometimes it is only in hindsight that we suddenly have an ah-ha moment and realize *that* was what the teacher meant when they said x, y, z.

The editing dance continues.  More of a waltz than anything - step, step, side, pivot, step, step, side, pivot.  And the music plays on...