Difficult Days

Today has been a 'difficult' day. 

In spite of the lovely sunshine.  In spite of the melting snow.  In spite of just now cutting the beige/yellow warp from the loom.

None of it seems...enough.

Trying to figure out why my mood is so dreary, I can come up with nothing that would trigger such a mood.  Nothing that seems big enough to suddenly, today, feel exhausted with the world, with people, with everything.

But that is kind of the way it works.  You deal with big stuff, you roll with the roller coaster, you re-calibrate in the face of adversity, and you do it with with style and grace.  And then one thing.  One tiny thing, and it all seems like it is too much.  Too big.  Too heavy.

As I look back at the last few years there is no doubt I have been carrying a heavy load.  Now that I am feeling better physically, why am I suddenly feeling overwhelmed?

Well, partly it has to do with stepping up to a crisis.  It is a well known truism that you don't fall apart *during* a crisis, you fall apart after it has been resolved.  Or at least, I do.

So maybe, just maybe, this feeling of being unable to cope with the world is less to do with how horrible things are (don't get me wrong, there is a great deal in this world that IS horrible), and more to do with the fact that I seem to have come through the last 5 years.  Still here.  Still upright.  Still able to weave (even if at a slower rate).

And maybe, just maybe, this will be a fleeting feeling and tomorrow things will once again look brighter.  More hopeful.  Because tomorrow is another day.

In the meantime, I have a nekkid loom and a pretty blue/grey warp to go onto the beam.  And if I get back there now, I could potentially have it beamed yet today, ready for tomorrow.