A Wall

 

Just now I read an anecdote about someone who says to a friend "I've hit the wall, I can't keep going."  The friend says "Sometimes a wall is there for you to stop and rest against."

This simple statement kind of hit me between the eyes.  Wham.

I have spent all of my life running.  Here, there, every damn where, at times.  I knew deep in my heart that life was never going to be easy, that I would have to work hard.  And I was willing.  I was so willing to work to make my dreams come true - once I knew what those dreams actually were.

When I 'found' weaving (finally) it was with clear eyes and no amount of delusion that things would be easy.  First of all, weaving is hard, physical and demanding.  This realization was no detriment to me.  I had always worked hard.  Now I would be working for me.  I could do this.

At times I have worked myself into complete exhaustion.  Into being ill.  What's that they say?  If you don't choose to rest, your body will choose when you do rest?

So, walls.  Barriers.  Obstacles.  Or support to rest against when you are too tired to go on.  It's all in our perspective.

Right now I find myself still dealing with health issues that have become chronic over the years.  But I am still here.  I am still able to teach, even if it is over Zoom.  I am still able to talk about weaving.  Explore the interaction of warp and weft.  How it all fits together.

I can still dress my loom(s) and weave.  Goodness knows I have plenty of yarn left.  It won't go away quickly - fine yarn provides a lot of 'play' time.

If I never get to another conference or cross the continent again, I will have regrets.  But not all that many.  I have done so many things I had no idea I could, would ever get to do.  There are still many places in this world I would love to see in real life, but there is the internet, tv programs.  I can see them vicariously.

After a lifetime of running, I can rest.  And who knows, there may be opportunity to travel again.  Time will tell.

If you are tired, rest.  If you are weary, rest.  If you cannot go on, rest.  Breathe.  Begin again when you feel able.