The Urge to Create

 

This is the latest in the series I've been working on.  Have I come to the end of the exploration down this particular rabbit hole?  Dunno.  I have the heart motif that I'm not particularly happy with, but given the nature of the weave structure I don't know if I can improve what I've done.  In the end I'll probably put the warp into the loom - with a back up plan in case I really don't like the way it weaves. OTOH, I can see where it might be tweaked a bit here and there so I may continue to work on it and see what happens.

The above was a shift from a primarily vertical development of the design line to a horizontal one.  It went through several iterations to get to this point.  The bit at the top is the hem area which will be repeated at the end.  While it doesn't actually *need* a hem, I use it as a visual marker that I'm nearly at the end of a towel and that it will be break time soon.  It's kind of like (mentally) coasting to the finish.

But where *does* the creative urge come from?  Why do some people have it and others don't?  Researchers have been studying this for decades and while they can answer the question of where in the brain the work of creation is being done, they don't seem any nearer the answer to the question of 'why?'

I also don't know why it drives me so, this desire to jump down rabbit holes, just to see what is down there.  An idea presents itself and then curiosity kicks in and I want to find out more.  Will it work?  How can I make it work?  What steps need to be taken to get from point A to...end point?

Sometimes the idea is a bust, it just won't do and I can't make it.  But usually, along the way, other ideas present themselves.

People sometimes fuss about what they are going to do 'next' while I have a queue and the hardest part is deciding which one to tackle.

When I shared the above draft to a group I belong to someone commented that it looked like sound waves.  I agreed that they had been part of the equation, but also geography - the bends and folds and striations that I see in the mountains.  You can see them in the blossoms of flowers, too.  In fact you can see inspiration everywhere, if you stop and look.  

Some people find a camera helpful.  Something about looking through the lens puts things into perspective.  You can enlarge a photo and see in greater detail.  Or just isolate something to reduce the 'static' of too much information coming in.

Right now I feel the imperative of limited time and the desire to do as much as I can for as long as I can, because I have that queue of ideas clamoring to be brought into material (ha - you saw what I did there?) being.

I am now at the polishing stage of the essays.  There are still some edits to be done and a couple of photos that I'm not happy with and need to either cut or improve.  Those are minor.  No doubt more editing will be done because every single time I do a read through I find more areas that are lacking in clarity (not to me, I know exactly what I intended to say) and need to be improved.  I think we have caught all the typos but there are still grammar issues that could be improved.

One alpha reader commented that I pulled this together very quickly - and then amended that to say 'but it's been a lifetime of preparation to write it'.  I agreed.  It is the culmination of what I know  to this point - and, in some cases, a sharing of some of the experiences I have had in a rather long career that has brought me greater understanding.

I know that *my* story is not the only story and it may have little value to someone else.  But I have had the privilege of being able to take a very deep dive down a number of complex rabbit holes.  I'm hoping that there will be something for everyone, even though not everything will actually *be* applicable to all.

My life is unique.  There are others who have done similar things - earning an income largely by and/or through weaving - and their stories are also of value and interest.  

But as a child growing up in the 'back woods' of central BC far away from the madding crowds, I had desires and dreams that I didn't even want to acknowledge because it was just too far fetched for someone like me to do any of them.  And yet...

I don't know why I need to create things.  Yes, I was born into a family where people making things was normal.  But none of them earned an income by being creatively self-employed, and certainly not in a field with so much uncertainty.  It wasn't until my mother went back to school as a 'mature' student and set up a business teaching pre-school that anyone in the family had dared to be fully self-employed.  Both my parents worked hard so I knew how to do that.  I tried the more traditional route of a 'regular' paycheque and found myself a very unhappy person.  Until I found - or should I say - weaving found me.  And then I just set out to do...something...related to creating cloth.  So I did it all.  

And now I'm tired.  I'm (sort of) retired, but the creative urge is still there.  It remains eternally 5 years old, wondering what if?  Spotting a shiny new idea and sparking even more.  

At some point this body isn't going to be able to physically weave anymore.  Perhaps I'll do more writing.  Or contentedly make jigsaw puzzles and read?  Dunno.

In the meantime I *can* still weave, so I'm going to do that.  They say you get 'old' when you stop playing.  The thing is, my body is already old.  But my inner self is not.  And right now I will dance my way to the end of this life doing what I can, when I can.  Celebrate the days when I can get to the loom.  Be grateful for my friends and family who make it possible for me to keep going.  Feed on the encouragement of the weaving community to continue to teach and share my stories.

I started this blog in 2008 after a major life upset and health issues.  As an introvert, writing is the 'best' way for me to communicate with others.  I can do it when I feel focused enough to string words together to share.  I can park a post in the 'draft' file and come back to it later to edit.  Or just accept that there will be mistakes/typos and post - warts and all.

This year marks the 15th anniversary of the blog.  It feels longer ago than that, in some ways, like yesterday in others.  

For those of you who have come along for the ride - thank you.