A New Day

 

For the longest time I have been working to break down my 'reality bubble' only to come to the conclusion that I must now live in a 'protection bubble', given the state of the world and the rising levels of infectious diseases.

Just this morning two more friends report that they are sick.  Again.  Covid?  Who knows.  It doesn't matter.  I don't want whatever crud they have, so my policy of NOT attending in person events unless everyone is masked will stand.  Since I can't dictate what other people do, that means I withdraw from society as much as possible and make sure that I wear MY mask at all times when I DO need to go out in public.

I think a lot about the term 'disabled' and wonder at the effect Long Covid will have on society as a whole, when we find out the real toll of having so many people get sick, some of them repeatedly.  And how society deems what is a 'disability' - or not.

I am 'disabled' on several fronts.  I've always had a visual disability, starting to wear eyeglasses at the age of four.  As an adult I have acquired a number of other 'disabilities' - hearing loss due to working in noisy conditions, as well as injuries that now limit me in terms of physical activities.

My 'disabilities' are by and large invisible so most people have no idea about them.  And just like my personal disabilities are invisible, too many people dismiss the disability being caused by a virus which wipes out major organs, or the vascular system which are *inside* the body, therefore also invisible.   I wonder if the virus were visible if people would pay more attention.  Kind of like a mosquito - they wear insect repellant at the very least in order to avoid being bitten.  But because the virus is invisible, they whiff it away with 'no big deal' or 'it's inevitable, just get it and get it over with' ignoring the fact that you can have Covid multiple times, and with each infection the risk of Long Covid increases.  At the very least, your immune system becomes overwhelmed and you can't fight off any other illness, either.  Given my compromised immune system (another invisible 'disability') even a 'mild' Covid infection might well kill me outright, or leave me with Long Covid, increasing my level of 'disability'.

So we have a new day, same problems.  I feel myself withdrawing more and more from social interactions, turning into that grumpy old lady that lives down the block.  As each day becomes more of a struggle, dealing with my invisible disabilities, I have less energy to expend on being 'sociable'.  I save my spoons for the things that bring me contentment - weaving mostly, although I have to limit the time at the loom now because of the aforementioned physical disabilities.  Two hours a day is the most I can manage; some days I don't manage even that because Life takes spoons and sometimes there aren't any left for weaving.

As I see the end of the Next Big Project looming (pun alert) I begin to feel restless - a sure sign that this project is beginning to wrap up.  My 'muse' isn't feeding me any more topics, so I'm not being too distracted from the polishing/editing.  I caught up to my alpha reader yesterday except for the re-write of two of the essays that need some 'surgery'.  Not sure I have the brain power to do that today after a 'bad' night of pain, requiring a heavy duty pain killer, which means I have brain fog today.  

None of us knows the number of our days here in this earthly existence.  At this point in my life, I am content to 'coast', to rest on my laurels.  Imagine my surprise when I opened an email this morning of a publication to find an article in which I am quoted alongside well known spinner Rita Buchanan.  I felt shocked, then a bit overwhelmed.  OTOH, getting people to understand about about wet finishing might be 'my' legacy?  And maybe it is time for me to step back and let others pick up the thread...