Overwhelming

 

We are halfway through the 2nd Beginning to Weave class and I wonder - am I doing my students a disservice blasting them with So Much information?

I think I have reached the point where I am no longer a good teacher for complete beginners.  There is too much to convey and I want them to be exposed to all of it.  To understand the complexity.  How everything affects everything else.  To understand how much there is to learn.  But most of all, to accept that Mistakes Will Be Made and to not let those deter them from continuing down this path, if they choose to do so.

And so my decision to make this my last beginning level class is, I believe, the correct decision.  In fact the next one, which will be a 'beyond beginner' class will likely be the last in-person class I teach.

Instead I will focus on other things.  What are those things?  Dunno.  Yet.  The universe has always provided a path when I reach this sort of impasse.

If there is one thing I have learned in this life, is that it will continue.  Until it doesn't.

A friend posted a deep introspection of her own life this morning and it resonated deeply.  I too have experienced loss(es) and needed to find a way to go on.  At first I needed a justification:  when my younger brother died suddenly I questioned why him instead of me.  I was older than he was.  He was beloved in this community, I wasn't.  (*MY* community is outside of this town, my memorial service won't be standing room only.  I had to get comfortable with that idea.)

In the end I realized that I must go on because my brother's journey was done.  By his dying, he 'saved' me from the same fate (a genetic condition that severed his life far too soon for a great deal of people - and I was nearly there myself.)

And now here I am, 15 years later, still here, still weaving, still trying to educate that far flung community to which I belong.  I find it difficult to accept it has only been 15 years since my brother died.  I look at everything that has happened in those years, without him being a quiet steady presence in my life.  I think of him frequently, wonder how he would have managed during these years of pandemic.  What things he might have accomplished had he only had the time.

But he didn't, and I did.  So I had to keep going.

I don't know what the future holds.  But I will keep going.  I just need to make some changes and leave the door open for whatever comes 'next'.

In the meantime, the two classes for School of Sweet Georgia are in the can, the first launches this summer, the second in November (I think).  My editor is working on the ms and hopefully there will be a July 9 publication date and who knows, a book launch?  I still have a Zoom account and July 9 is a Sunday.  Could be a good day for a partay?

Time becomes more precious the less of it you have.  Sometimes I think it's a really good thing we don't know our expiration date.  But we should never forget that we have one.