Too Much

 

 Missing my trip through the mountains - just one more thing I have had to give up in a long list of things I have had to give up...yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself - give me a minute, I'll get beyond that...

The world has been too much with me and yesterday I needed a day.

The continuing political unrest and ongoing covid issues have left me feeling restless.  Yesterday Alberta re-elected a right wing (far right wing leader) government which means a big chunk of the population have voted against their own interests while believing the party cares one iota about them and instead will work to dismantle social safety nets leaving the very people who voted for them worse off than before.  OTOH, they have a handy scapegoat and will be blaming the federal Liberals, in particular PM Trudeau for anything and everything that goes 'wrong', most of which isn't in the federal purview but caused by previous right wing governance.  I find it distressing to watch the right wing in action.

On Sunday my bridesmaid died.  We hadn't been close in a long time, but any time we got together it was like we had never been apart.  She was my 'best' friend for some years and a very important part of my life for that time.  She was the same age as me, appeared to be healthy and then - suddenly - she was gone.  It hit me hard.

My appointment with my doctor went well, but it's still a balancing act - not actually wanting more surgery, knowing that at this point a repair is really my only hope.  Not knowing enough to even begin to anticipate what will happen or what recovery will look like.  

All these things left me feeling unsettled and at odds with myself.

I had planned on weaving my 'usual' two towels, but couldn't.  Instead I did a few other things.  I worked on the bib for Stories, decided to take the list of the indexed articles for Handwoven to the guild on Friday and check the rest of the list because I couldn't find all of the issues listed in my own library.  I suspect some of them are not articles I've written, but perhaps just mention me, like the one on the American snowflake draft.  Plus one that looks like a review of The Intentional Weaver.  Before I list those as being written *by* me, I want to double check.

Then I cleared off the work table, set up for pressing and tackled the 12 towels I'd wet finished.  Which shrank given I found two more with skips from that pesky shaft that kept raising when it wasn't supposed to, then one towel where there was something 'wrong' with one of the tubes of weft yarn.  The two red towels will go to a friend who adores red and white, the blue one will go to someone else.  OTOH, the new warp is weaving up very nicely and I'm please to say I'm happy with it and even happier to see another colour with a big dent in it.

Once I finished pressing I came up for a snack, then checked my email and found several that needed to be dealt with, all of them needing some time to collect the information needed.  By the time I'd finished with all that, a nap was in order.

This morning hasn't begun well.  I got a few hours of sleep then woke up at 4 am and now it's 9:30 and I'd like to get a towel woven before I go see the chiropractor to get my neck back in line.  And let her know I'm investigating the possibility of surgery.

While I wait I have to keep going, even if it is just a step at a time.  Giving in to anxiety over what may - or may not - happen won't help me.  Quite the contrary.  My best course of action at this point is to continue to do what I can, when I can, while I can.  And hope the next injection the end of June helps enough to get me through to the assessment at the spine clinic and then see what they have to say.